A counselor once told me "One day you will be sick and tired of being sick and tired" well I believe i've hit that point. Almost a year now that I have stood up to my AH and told him how I really feel about him and how I no longer wanna try to make our marriage work. After 30+ years of fighting a loosing battle and him always choosing Alcohol over me I just can't anymore. For the time being I have to stay for financial help raising my 2 granddaughters, I still have that piece of me that can't just put him out and make him support us while he tries to support himself. But i'm catching myself becoming more and more short tempered and not holding back my frustrations when he's drinking. Before I tried staying away from any confrontation and never would speak of how I felt or how his drinking effected me. Something changed in me and I can't for the life of me understand why now, am I standing up for myself, maybe if I would have done something years ago we wouldn't be where we are now.... I'm not getting younger and the fear of living like this for the rest of my life is very scary, I wanna know that feeling of a compaion that listens to me when I talk and remembers what I said without having to repeat myself over and over. I wanna be able to have a drink if I would like and not have to worry about taking care of someone that can't control their alcohol. I guess I just want my equal... Not someone who thinks they're way is the only way, someone you can't reason with or talk to. I so wish I had a group like this or someone in my life to tell me years ago what I know now. I will always love this man for what he has given me, my children, a home and him providing me with a decent life but my kids are the only things I would not give back, all of the rest doesn't matter!