Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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DSTRICK 01/29/2018

I still after so many years don't understand the hold alcohol has on my AH, things have been bad lately and i wonder if i make it worst with me trying to set boundaries and trying to focus on me more. I started staying with my pregnant daughter since her husband works out of town just to get some sleep. A night here and there has turned out to be everynight since she's now 8.5 mos and been having a difficult time. When sober my AH understands why i'm there but sober isn't very often so his selfishness takes over and he wants me home, why??? when were just going to argue. Yesterday I thought to myself, maybe i'm going about this all wrong... If he were to die today would I feel alright with my choices, all of the anger I have built up it isn't good. So I went home he was passed out in his chair I touched his face and he woke up. It breaks my heart to see him cry but for 20 mins he cried and begged me to leave him. I didn't know what to say or do! He knows he has a problem but doesn't think he can get better or maybe he doesn't want to try. I asked him if he were to get cancer wouldn't he see a Doctor??? He sees a Doctor for his heart issues, why not for this? It blows my mind. But still after begging me to leave an hour later when I did leave he started back up that I hate him and I don't want him! Its so exhausting i'm just so ready for something to give. On top of all of this he text our daughter the other night and blames her for me not being home with him and told her that she wasn't his daughter anymore. We both know its just the alcohol speaking but really why ay such hateful things! All I can do is pray for God to take control!

Ceecee1 01/29/2018

I'm so sorry. Please know (if it helps and I suspect it does) that someone is right there with you. Mine has given up with trying to get sober as well and also won't see doctors for anything -he's very overweight and looks like hell. I realized just today (funny how the realizations just come at you sometimes) that the reason I go weeks at a time thinking this is all okay to stay, is because it's the not knowing what your future is that is the worst part. If I resolve to stay then at least I know. But after a few weeks or months I look at him passed out or when he's angry at me over something stupid that I think, ugh, I really need to get out and then the thinking starts, and the not knowing starts, and that is when I think I'm most unhappy. It's weird. I know I deserve better, but we have teenagers and so I'm still here....for now. At least you have your daughter to talk to....someone who has been there and understands. I wish I had someone. My daughter is 18 now I'm really thinking of talking to her about it, but then I think I'm just being selfish. She can see it, but she's leaving for college soon and I think she's just ready to get out and start her own life, and I don't blame her, and I don't want to ruin that for her. Good luck to you and congrats on the grand-baby! I hope he or she brings JOY to your life....you certainly deserve it.

DSTRICK 01/29/2018

thank u CeeCee, I know exactly what you mean about the not knowing and over thinking. I see my home that we have made together and I feel bad to ask him to leave because he has worked hard on it. Then I don't wanna just leave. I just hate the thoughts I have at times thinking that it would be easier for him to just leave, he's the one that has the problem why can't he just go and let me have peace. If he knows he's not going to quit! My AH will see his doctor (not a doctor a PA) every 6 mo, and heart Doc once a year. I used to work with him so we've know him for many years. And he is aware of his drinking problem not sure if he know exactly how bad it is. I don't feel like he runs test that should be ran to monitor his organs. I just don't see how he's even alive after the long time abuse he's put his body through and he is over weight at times I think thats just what he wants just so he doesn't have to give it up. Yes i'm fortunate to have my daughter to talk to, I try not to say to much because he is her father and I know she does love him even after all his craziness! I don't think its selfish to talk to your daughter about the problem our 14 yr old talks to me all the time. I even think at times she's more mature than he is! Thank you for the kind words and I wish u luck also... And babies always brings Joy i'm looking forward to a new little one.

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