i hate the feeling I get that I’ve somehow, at some unknown moment, done something wrong. Here I am at work.... he’s at home. I’m doing my job, making money, providing health care.... he is home drinking. He has called me four times today because he needed to obtain a document from the bank. Could I look up the customer service number? Then a call complaining about the bank, then his plan of action ... then the satisfactory and rapid resolution to the situation. Ok but..... with each phone call he is increasingly short tempered and nasty. I’m trying to be neutral - even supportive... although I know he is just drinking his way through the day. All of a sudden I realize what the hell is wrong with me? I’ve done nothing wrong, this is not about me, I don’t have to allow him to feel good about himself by demeaning me. I’m doing what I am supposed to do. I go to work, do my best. I pull my weight at home, I have stayed to support him no matter what. I work on myself, I continue to love the shining soul he is under his addictions. Yes I stand firm in my boundaries. Yes I confront when I’ve had enough, yes I sometimes voice my disappointment and heartbreak. But I’m just a human being not a saint. In this moment I am taking my power back and reminding myself that I am stronger than I give myself credit for, and I don’t need to dim my own light because it makes my Prince Charming feel uncomfortable.

on a positive note... that document is the very last thing need to be able to close on my house and move into a condominium. I am so looking forward to this move ( alcoholic husband or not ) it is a 55 and older community that I fell in love with! My husband, in a rare moment of kindness or generosity or atonement bought it for me “ to make up for everything he has put me through over the years”. People our age, clubs activities, lower taxes , lower expenses. All wrapped up in the condo of my dreams in a beautiful waterfront community. I feel like he can sit alone drinking his days away and I can take advantage of all that is offered there. 

Here’s to new beginnings!