Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
Things have been pretty good for about three weeks. You always wonder when the other shoe will drop. Well, it did. Was supposed to meet him for dinner yesterday evening. Picked up a pizza and got to his place only to find it empty because he was down the street at the bar. He had likely been there 1 or 2 hours. That knowledge was enough for me to leave immediately. Texted him that I was going home, I could not compete with his drinking and to eat without me. Cried in the car all the way to my place. It turned out to the right call because then later that evening, drunk texting ensued. How he was irrelevant and was in hell, etc... Meanwhile, his sister texted me that he was drunk texting her. Some things just never change.
When you cry when you catch them drinking, does that mean you are at the point of no return? That you cannot do this any longer? I think I was crying because deep in my heart I know he will never change and I need to end the relationship. Sometimes when things are going well, you have a sliver of hope and then it comes crashing down so quickly. Why I would think that, I don't know. I know better. It is also lonely because I don't really have anyone to talk to. My dad is frustrated with me for not ending the relationship, which I understand. The close friends I told don't ever ask nor do they want to hear about it. So I feel very alone.
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Hi. This is my first post. I'm here because my husband is an addict and it's having a negative impact on our marriage and my emotional and mental well being. He's an alcoholic who is also addicted to pornography and video gaming. He spends every moment that he isn't at work or sleeping drinking beer, playing his video games, and looking at porn. He's completely pushed me out of his life. We don't...
Thank you for all your kind words. You are right on all counts. I really appreciate your support more than you know.
Its the hardest decision in the world and i struggle every day with that decision. Do i leave or do i stay?
You love someone so deeply you want to see past the problems but the good times start to become so few and far between.
I feel for you and just know that you are not alone.
I really appreciate your support.
In AA you admit that you are powerless over alcohol and seek the support of a higher power and other AAs to change. He needs to do that and be 100% authentic in the effort. It is his walk to take.
If he is unable to do that, unprepared to do that, or unwilling to do that, then you have to be the one to make a big change. Obviously what is happening now isn't working. No matter how deeply you love him and crave his health, you are powerless to change him. Only he can do that and transform back into the guy you fell in love with.
The one person you can change is you....take care of yourself and admit that you are both powerless and powerful. You too need to heal one way or another.
may the force be with you
My apologies for not responding. Had not seen this for some reason. Thank you for your kindness and support. So appreciated.
Endlessgrief,
You are lucky, my AB never apologizes for his behavior. He acts like it never happened when he is sober the next day. I always seem to forgive him, but as time goes by, I have more anger and bitterness towards him. Pretty soon, there will be nothing left of this relationship and maybe that will be a blessing for me to move on.
Well my self esteem is beyond scraping from the floor anyway so this just broke me and he started yelling that I dont trust him (erm nope!) We ended up arguing and I told him to go and sleep in the spare room, just come up to bed to find he has poured water in our bed so I have to sleep on the sofa.
I hate him
I want to leave but dont have the energy, strength or money to make it happen..
I dont believe someone can be this cruel when drinking, this is already in them.
Today I feel broken, today I just want to cry and cry and cry until there is nothing left.