Life is short. You can't live like this, so find a solution. You can accept that this is how your life will be and make peace with it. That's not a bad way to live, in my opinion. You have a husband you love who has a serious problem, but you have to decide for yourself if it's better to be with him or be alone. Or, you can leave and live on your own and find that having so much less stress and uncertainty in your life is a better way to live. The point is- you're in limbo right now. You can make a decision for now. But nothing is irreversible- you can change your mind if that works for you. This is all new to me. I've just admitted to myself that my husband is an alcoholic so I truthfully I have no idea what the best recourse is. We've will be married for 40 years on Sunday and I have no intention of leaving him. But it's hard and sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. I would love to have someone to talk to but I feel like I don't want to burden anyone.
Anyway, I feel for you- please take care of yourself.

Lastly, be kind to yourself

Thanks so much. It's difficult because I know he has the ability to not drink, because he has done it for good periods of time; but then he thinks he has enough control to have one or two, but he doesn't and can't...his alcoholic brain says drink any and everything that is available. I am not to a place where I think this is it, I'm going...because well I just truly believe this man is my soulmate, I have since our first date. As a nurse, like I understand addiction, and realize that there is nothing I can do, that this is up to him...the kicker of all of this is that he knows everything he needs to do, everything he needs to confront, the things that drive him to drown out reality, not only has he been to rehab twice, but he is a therapist by day and is constantly helping others work through their issues. So for now while I grow angry at times, I can recognize that he genuinely is a good man, witht the exception of a few days here and there, he goes to work everyday, he loves fiercely, he is kind, and is so so smart. Anytime you want to chat I'm here!

I'm a nurse too and watched my husband drink himself silly for 8 years. I have two kids now 9 and 6. I decided last July I was done I told him I couldn't live like this any more and he had a choice, divorce or rehab. As much as I felt he was my soul mate I also didn't want to be an enabler. Sometimes we have draw our boundaries and believe it or not your husband might just keep going because no one is say No. He picked outpatient rehab and is now sober for almost 9 months. If he ever goes back im out. My kids can't be put through it and I'll be darned if I spend my whole.life miserable. I got to the point that I'd rather be alone then married to an alcoholic. Your not alone. It's a tough battle. We can't force change or force them into a better lifestyle but we have a choice if we want to be apart of their alcoholic life.

And I have tons of anger and resentment I feel so hurt from years of emotional torment. It sucks but finding an outlet for yourself is vital. I workout like crazy, I enjoy fitness and martial arts muay thai and Brazilian jiu jitsu. What would help you? What's your outlet? Don't loose who you are because of your husband. Take control of what you can, your life and your choices. I would have left ages ago but financially had to get things prepared which took 2 years. I have no family here or major support so I had to set it up to be a single mom. Literally right when I could break away he changed. I gave him the ultimatum but deep down I think he knew.