Hi . i found this group after spending yet another night googling 'living with an alcoholic husband' I have been married for 10 years. My husband has always had excessive amounts of alcohol, but I was so blinded by love , I choose to overlook it. Now, here we are , 10 years later and it is worse than ever. Not only is he destroying himself, he is destroying me too. He had a period of about 18 months sober, when things were amazing. He started drinking again 6 months ago and it has progressed to being passed out drunk ,at least 2/3 times a week.In the back yard, In the neighbors front yard. In his car. On the floor - pretty much anywhere except bed. Last night he said goodnight to me, said he was going to shut off the lights and lock up .Next thing I know ,it's 5.30 AM and I am waking up and he's no-where to be found. Found him passed out under a bush in our back yard. I got him into the house where he proceeded to yell and call me names before passing out again on the floor. I texted his boss ,on his phone, saying couldn't come to work as back had gone out - so scared he is going to get fired for all the 'sick' days he takes. After a day where I am ,yet again, constantly close to tears, lost, confused, angry, hurt, betrayed and many more emotions, I came home and he was just getting up. He acted like nothing was wrong- just as he always does. I got mad and told him I can't live like this anymore. He comes back with the argument that he's not really 'that bad' and at least he's not hanging out at bars etc etc...he makes me feel like it's all in my head and it's perfect;y normal to sleep outside under bushes ( or last week on the neighbor's front lawn) He has no concept of the pain he is causing and more, doesn't seem to care. He'll be sober now until tomorrow and then it will start all over again. So many plans have been ruined. So many promises have been broken. I feel so alone and just at a loss of what to do. I do love him, Everyone who knows him thinks he is hilarious and a real 'character' when out having a drink with him. They don't witness all the nights he keeps me up all night, all the hateful and abusive things he says (and then denies having ever said) all the times I've had to clean him up after peeing himself etc etc etc...not to mention the fact that he's just not 'present' most of the time in our relationship .Most of our friends and family have no idea the extent of his alcoholism. I feel ashamed to admit to anyone that I am struggling to keep it together. His Father and Uncle both died early, as a direct result of alcoholism. I'm helpless watching him go down the same path and not able to stop him. He is very smart and intelligent and in his more lucid moments, he admits he has a problem, but says he has to[ figure out how to handle it [...
..Thank so much for reading this. I know it probably doesn't read too well - my thoughts are so scattered. I'm laying in bed with my laptop while he is in the living room, laughing his head off at some movie, just like life is wonderful and not a care in the world...I'm so lost...