I with you sound a lot like my husband I t took me years of planning
But I'm now out on my own and I'm loving the quietness. And knowing
When I come home from work I just have to take care of me. I still talk to my husband
And he will call me at times to say he loves me and misses me.
In a crazy way I miss him too but then I think of our live together for the
Last 15 years and all I went through and I glad to say I'm alone.
You have a right to peace and no fear living too .
I pray you find that I know how this disease distroys you and then
It's a never ending life sucking job. Which we carry all the guilt and pain.
Many hugs and prayer
Your sister in pain

Oh, this is all so familiar! My husband does his drinking in bed, so I don't have to get him there, but he pukes all over the place. Every time I come home I don't know what I'll have to clean up that day. Especially your statement about him not being "present" in your relationship hits a cord. The hardest thing for me is that the person I married is simply not there anymore.
I don't really have any advice for you, but let me tell you that there is a way out that works for you. It might not work for others, but it will work for you. I am moving out of the apartment we share tomorrow. I have driven him to the ER too many times this year, including a week-long stay in the ICU. None of it left any impression, he relapsed again last week. I found an apartment, packed up my stuff, and tomorrow my friends are helping me move. I know this is the right way for me. It took me a while to get to this point, but let me assure you that you will find your way as well. Until then, stay strong.

I have been in the ER and hospital too many times too.
Bless your heart hug and prayers

Thank you so much for your replies. I have only just read them. Things have been a little better this past week - he is still drinking, but hasn't been fall down drunk since my last post ( that in itself is a miracle!) i feel like I'm just waiting for the next incident , we rarely go this long without a major bender on his behalf. I shall keep you posted. Thank you again and hugs to you both

I know what you mean about waiting for the next incident.

It's a difficult situation to be in.

(((hugs)))

call me a dummy but I went up to try to get my husband to come down to stay with me until he got stronger he is in lots of pain and a lot of pain medicine and I was feeling bad for him so I was going to bring him down to live with me for a little bit I know it's wrong I know I'm asking for problem but I still love him and at the rate he's going he's not going to last much longer and I hate the fact that you'll be by himself need lots of prayers and hugs

Sending them to you bonblue! Good luck!

I'm so glad I have this group to come to you all are th he greatest

Robynne, don't lose hope, it's just time for you to concentrate on yourself. Ask yourself, will the outcome change if I worry about what could happen? I understand how difficult it is to change your mindset - it's taken me way too long and had to move out to clear the brain of the cobwebs to see what was going on. To see that my husband is deep in the alcoholic grip and that his behavior is a direct result of his drinking. Don't get me wrong, it's not just the alcohol, he has a natural tendency to be sarcastic, untrusting, and more... but when he's drinking those things exponentially get worse. Sending you hugs!

Bonblue - you're a kind-hearted soul! I hope your husband is doing better. Hugs!

Reading this is like hearing myself talk. :(

My husband is constantly fussing at the tv always arguing by himself.
It bothers me at time to be around a constant negative person
Need lots of prayers and hugs

i hope you've found some relief over the last few weeks and months.

first and foremost, don't be ashamed. i was ashamed about my boyfriend's drinking - we're common law, together over two years with a little girl. his mother and sister knew about his drinking and did what they could but we all enabled. his father passed away earlier this year and everything went to sh*t. in the respect that we are in love with alcoholics, we are the same - which is essentially what matters.

you should tell your friends, your family, a therapist. don't be ashamed. i was ashamed, but the relief when i told my support group about what we are going through was immense.

i did the leg work and found a therapy program for him to help him sort out his disease. he has fought and lied and struggled for ages about getting help, begging us to help and then screaming at us and pushing us away. there are so many layers to deal with.

but you need a support group. you need to know that this isn't your fault, you didn't cause this, you can't help him. he has to help himself. he has to want it for himself. and even when he gets help it will still be hard. every day i'm stressed out and worried about what he's doing, where he is, who he will be when he comes home or wakes up in the morning. it's draining. but i'm hoping he will get through it. i'm holding out hope that he will be able to quit and we can be a family. i think i might be naive. but we have this little girl and i'm trying...

oh my, I had to look at the name again, I thought I was reading my original post robynne...i guess all our lives are similar. your post was on our anniversary :( thankfully we had a good one only because I had to take him out of town and be with him around the clock. He tends to drink when i'm not around, which gives him 40+ hours a week because I work and he doesn't. Even when he had a job, he was drinking on his breaks. Saturday evenings & Sundays are good for us. Saturday mornings he's usually still a bit buzzed from the night before so by evening it has worn off and then Sunday I'm there. What a life. I feel for each and everyone on this group, one day we may have success stories to share, that's what I'm waiting for! Even like someone said earlier in the posts, what works for you is what matters. I'm not ready to let go. That's hard to swallow, but it's true. I don't know how much longer I can hold out though. My sanity has to come first. I do have support from family & friends. Hope you are well robynne.

Thank you so much to all of thoses who have replied and also shared your own stories.I am having another rough day. I spent Sunday (yesterday) by myself, as my husband slept a hangover off for most of the day. I tried to talk to him later in the day, about how his drinking is killing our marriage, and ,as usual, he denied everything, starting placing blame on me and bringing up all my 'short-comings'. It dissolved into a shouting match, followed by an evening of silence between us. I woke this morning to such a feeling of hoplesnsess . I'm realizing that he is never going to change. Two weeks ago I got some wonderful news - after numerous interviews and study, I was offered my dream job. That evening when he came home, he said we must go and celebrate. So we did - and, of course, he was drinking. After returning home I went to bed and he said he was staying up just a while longer. I should have seen it coming - he ended up riding his bicylce ( am grateful it wasn't the car!) to the local bar , leaving me sleeping and the garage door open and unlocked ( it was still that way when I woke in the morning) On riding home he was so drunk, he fell of his bike and was covered in scrapes, bruises nad cuts. It would be comical if it wasn't so sad . I woke up in the morning with him passed out , reeking of that isckly horrible smell that seems to ooze from him pretty much all the time now. So..this is how he 'celebrated' my success and spent the rest of the weekend hungover and grumpy and pretty much giving me the cold, silent treatment. Luckily, the new postition I am working at, is well compensated and would even allow me to live independantly if I ever choose to leave. But I don't want to leave. I want him to wake up and see how wonderful we could be and for him to get sober and put us first- instead of the bottle. But, I also know in my heart that he is too consumed by it. Too selfish. Too much in denial. I am normally so strong and together in most areas of my life. I feel so weak and conflicted when it comes to him. .... I feel stupid when I think of how long I have let this continue - I was remembering that when we got married, he was so drunk the first night of our honeymoon, he just passed out and left me by myself...so many incidents. I don't understand why he always tells me that he's 'not that bad' and that I exagerrate - makes me feel like I am going crazy, just imagining all the times he is drunk - he claims it's 'not that often' and ,although an intelligent man, appears genuinely baffled as to why I should have any reason to feel upset about his consistent drunkeness... Anyway,,that is my little moan over for today. It is such a comfort to know I am not the only one going through this. I cannot talk to my closest friends or family about this and it is so good to be able to come on here and to have support and people who completely understand how alone and lonely if feels being married to an alcoholic. I hope you are all okay and sending you support and strenth for this week. All take care .

Robynne, I too want my dummy to wake up and see how beautiful life could be, I'm very good to him, we had a good 10-12 yrs, we've been married 21 yrs, it's been 1-1/2 yrs that he's been drinking again. He doesn't go to bars, he gets his fix at the liquor stores, can you believe they actually give him credit...anyway, he was sober 5 days, drunk 3 days but not stupid drunk, he was tolerable. Don't know what I am going home to yet but this morning I let him know that my goal/deadline is Dec 31. He has until then to be working again, contributing
and sober. I told him I do love him very much, but I don't want it to end in hate. So now my goal is to not get mad everytime he drinks, I have to stop taking it as a personal attack on me, I know that it is not personal, but it sure does feel that way when they choose a bottle over their wife & family. Since I have a end date in mind, I just have to let him do his part because I have done mine beyond what any normal person would do. I agree, it's comforting knowing we are are not alone, but still saddening that so many of us have the same hurt ongoing. I pray that you will find your strength and do what makes you feel good, we all have to live in our own skin. Congrats on your dream job :) you got some good going on :) got to be thankful for that.