hi,

i hunted up this group to save my sanity. My husband and I are pretty close, and we keep personal issues private. So I have no one in my world to talk with when he is the topic I need to talk about. 

My husband is newly retired. Is physically disabled. Received 5 major surgeries in the last year. Clinically Depressed. In chronic pain. And he took up drinking. 

I called him out 3 days ago. And he stopped all drinking. 

And in the past 3 days he has been withdrawn. In real physical pain. Gotten the 19 yr old son to be his ally in saying I offer up too much info about myself when I talk to strangers (like a person standing in line with us at a concert). Counted my text messages with a male coworker. Asked if I was having an affair. Asked if the garage door opener in my car is to my coworker’s garage (fairly sure it is to my mom’s garage).

And tonight he asked if I was ok with how much our 21 yr old son and 19 yr old son are drinking. And when I said I don’t know how much they are drinking, but they are not driving, not missing chores, on Xmas vacation, not puking, not stumbling around, and not acting intoxicated. So given all that, the jury for me is still out. 

And then the question was called, if it is okay for them to drink. Why am I telling him he can’t drink. 

I said, I didn’t say you had to stop drinking. I said you are drinking too much and it is becoming a problem. You were falling down. you were repeating yourself 9 times. You don’t remember conversations. You asked me when were the guests coming tomorrow for our pre-schoolers birthday party... the party had already taken place at our house that day. And you threw up in our bed one night and didn’t remember doing it. And this has been going on for many months now. 

Am I hurting anyone? He asks.

no you have not hit anyone or yelled at anyone.

so why is it that i’m the person who gets told they can’t drink?

oops this went on longer than I expected. 

I am not new to dealing with alcoholics. Been there with My mom, brother and dad. 

Just hard to process this with my spouse when I can’t take this to my mom or brother. So reaching out here.