I think someone who drinks needs a reason or something to blame it on. Maybe it was just easy to say it was you. If he really means it, then he should tell you what causes him to blame you, after all, you aren't pouring it down his throat, he is making the choice to drink.
Maybe give him the space he needs to see if he really improves, if not then that will prove that you aren't the reason he drinks.

alex, it's just an excuse he needs to blame someone since they can't blame their self and unfortunately it's us that gets the blame. My AH used to blame it on my spending money and him having to work more to provide. Which was a crock... I've come to realize it doesn't matter how hard I try it's all going to come back to my fault in his eyes. Right now i'm standing up and not giving into him and his drinking like I used to do, if he's drinking I avoid any confrontation and it pisses him off because he's not used to this in me..... 30 yrs i've lost all self confidence and any close friends that I had, he could drink and act out in anyway and I would brush it under the rug like it never happened. He on the other hand could get mad and hold a grudge for days without speaking, I couldn't last an hour! I've given my life to this man and for what??? To be treated like a piece of meat. He told me yesterday that I treat him like shit, Like shit meaning I don't give into sex, I don't talk to him, I don't do anything with him... however I do still cook, clean, and make sure he's taken care of health wise. I've bent over backwards the past 2 weeks due to him being sick and afraid that something was wrong with him and still maybe due to the alcohol. I lost it and told him I don't treat you half as bad as you treat me with your hurtful words.... I'm the only one who's there for him but if he thinks this then he can do his own laundry, cook and clean for himself! Then I said "i'm going to Church now to do what you the man of the house is suppose to do since I have to step up and be the head now!" I was told that when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired.... you will know it! Ladies I think i'm there. So Alex don't believe him when he says its your fault, you didn't force it on him.... and the crap he's done to you, have you picked up a bottle and started drinking because of it??? No, because your not the alcoholic. They blame others because they can't blame themselves. Good luck sweetie!

I believe many of us have had this same conversation. The alcohol becomes like a third person in the marriage and the alcoholic here’s that voice the loudest. It hurts, Alex, but talking here is a good place to relieve some of the pain. You are not alone.

Alex,
Don't you believe for a minute that his drinking is because of you. Don't take on that responsibility. He is the reason he drinks and no one else is to blame. It is easier for them to blame everyone else but themselves. Sounds like another way to control you and your emotions with guilt. Hugs to you. Agree, you are definitely not alone here. You can always come here for support.

Don’t believe him. My Ah tries to blame me too. It is nothing you did or said. He needs someone to blame and they don’t want to take responsibility for themselves. He is the reason he drinks. Stay strong.

As they say in Al Anon...you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it. God bless you and I hope you find peace.

OMG you have exact the same experience as I have. I try to help and he is telling me that he is drinking because of me!!!!

My husband actually told me once he drinks because our marriage is bad....I'm like, um no, our marriage is bad BECAUSE you drink. Then I laid into him about how he better not ever blame me for his drinking again. So basically, he doesn't anymore....he also quit accusing me of having an affair because that's just another way the AH will deflect and try to blame you for their problem. Don't fall for it! Don't accept the blame!

Ceecee1---Good for you!!!!

Alex265 Don't let him make you feel bad, don't let him make you feel guilty. He is turning the blame onto you to take the onus away from himself. I think most of us have experienced this blame. When my AH was in ITU the first time even his brother tried it saying "they say a bad marriage causes a man to drink". There was nothing wrong with the marriage. Don't absorb what he is saying, it will diminish your strength.

Been there. My AH blamed me and even said it would be best if he moved out to get “well.” It was just an excuse to be out of the house drinking with no one to hold him accountable. I told him if he moved out there was no hope for our marriage, because he’s not trustworthy while drunk and who knows what could happen during his blackouts. It wasn’t worth the constant stress. He changed his mind about leaving. I have let go a bit on the nagging part though. He seems to be responding better. Maybe it’s because he can’t blame me for anything or being angry. He’s becoming a better dad too actually showing up for the kids.

my AH blames me all the time because he can't take any responsibility for anything. it's easier to blame us than to actually admit there is a problem that they have to do something about. it's taken me a long time to stop taking it personally and to stop believing it. they want you to feel just as miserable as they do.