Nothing is worse than not feeling safe in your own home. I know exactly how you feel because I am in the same boat as you are.

We put too much pressure on ourselves to make sure the drunk doesn't drive, doesn't OD on drugs, sleeps on their stomach in case they puke while passed out, check every now and then to make sure he is breathing, etc. IT IS EXHAUSTING and you know what? We have zero control of his actions. We are so worried about their lives, we forget to live our own lives.

The only thing we are guilty of is putting their needs first and neglecting ourselves.

Thank you for your reply
He’s now solidly drank for 2 weeks I hate this life

As hard as it is, you probably should choose - him or the kids. I grew up with an alcoholic parent and it ruined my life. I am 43 and have not been able to establish a healthy relationship to this day because of my childhood. No amounts of therapy helped me break the cycle of being driven to people who abuse me.
The kids need a stable environment where they are safe and where their mother is not consntly focused on the alcoholic spouse.
He may lose his life.. it is very sad, but his existence is a huge burden on your family .
I hope he gets help and gets better. You can still support him, just not involve the children in this battle.
Hugs

I’m in a similar boat but my husband has beenover-drinking & lying about it for 3-5 years, maybe more. It get bad about 3 years ago & has only gotten worse. I e threatened divorce, begged him to change, screamed at him, hit him, anything I could tho m of to make a difference. Nothing worked.
We finally got him in to a private rehab. He got sober. He was amazing. It was wonderful having him back. Then he left rehab (it was only a month program, he completed it) and a week later,1st day back at work, he stopped at the liquor store. I found out 3 weeks later, though I really ‘knew’ the entire time. I just tried to deny it.
He spiralled really bad & I had enough. I kicked him out. It’s terrifying. It’s been 2 months & I have no clue what’s going to happen. Thankfully he’s staying warm th family so still helping with bills, I can’t afford it on my own.
But, my kids are happier now. No fighting, no worrying how dad will be. It’s sad as they’re still younger, but the effects are obvious.
He keeps begging to come home. I’m staying strong. No coming home if he’s still drinking & lying.
Al-Anon has helped me sort out some feelings. Though I still have so much to work through.
Keep strong & use sites & people for help
& support ❤️

My AH will never change. He is always going to lie to me about drinking. He is always going to be in denial. Because I still love him, I'm not strong enough to let him hit rock bottom or say no to him. He currently doesn't take any responsibility for our family, for himself or his actions. I don't want to be married to an alcoholic anymore. What is the first step I can take when they all seem to hurt everyone instead of help?

Same boat and at a loss

endlessgrief - I totally agree with ALL the pressure we experience trying to manage the drinking, avoid drunk driving, and constant, worry about them aspirating while passed out on the floor. My AH locks himself in the bathroom for hours! Another thing he does, when he's really drunk he will just take off walking and I have no idea where he is. Last weekend he was gone for 24 hours and I was ready to call the police and report him missing - he walked in intoxicated while I was on the phone like nothing was wrong! this behavior worries me tremendously because we live on the coast, he could drown.
IT IS EXHAUSTING, and not healthy. We must learn to take care of ourselves

Can I ask do any of your partners also suffer with mental health

spicesoflife - yes, my husband suffers from severe depression and is medicated though I don't think it is working. I also don't think he takes his meds regularly.

My AH can't keep a job either. He always blames the employer! I finally told him he needs a new excuse to use because this one is worn out: "That place is a circus, they don't know what they're doing!". When he is employed he argues with the supervisors and he is over anxious to get home on Friday's. He tells employers I want him to be home on time, but I never say that. And, when he does get home on Friday's it is like I don't exist. His drive is to get the beer and the Admiral, turn the music on loud in the garage and start his all night binge drinking! I too have watched my AH to make sure he's breathing when he passes out. He's passed out in the yard, on the patio, the garage, the house just to name a few common areas. I used to try to wake him up so he could go in the house and go to bed. Well, that only woke up the beast and then the cussing, name calling, and yelling (at me) would start up. So, now I just leave him lay. It worries me due to the weather.. he's passed out when it's hot outside and when it's been cold. I used to hide the keys to his vehicle but that caused war between us too because he yelled and demanded his keys. So, now I hide my keys so he can't drive my vehicle and sometimes I still try to hide his keys... I have to be sure of his mood before I attempt to do that. This man is a loving man when he's sober. He is wonderful with my family. Unfortunately, his sober times are getting less and less. I'm exhausted with it all! My give a damn is truly busted! But, I still can't find the strength I need to ask him to leave. I keep hoping he'll leave on his own, willingly. Thank you everyone! Let's keep our posts going... I sure appreciate all of you!