Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

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yw249 06/18/2016

Does anyone else have a hard time picking out a Father's Day card? The cards are so full of crap that I can barely bring myself to buy one. An AH and father doesn't deserve admiration and certainly doesn't live up to the fairy tale fathers on those cards. Still, I bought a card and a couple of gifts for him. One of the gifts was a shirt that I thought he would like because the material is very comfortable for summer weather. Did I get a thank you? No. I got yelled at because he didn't like the color. It is a simple, medium blue. (He's not a flashy dresser) His yelling is actually the first time he has spoken to me for days. I don't know why he stopped speaking to me. It's just something he does. Then, he gets loaded and by the end of the weekend he starts belittling me so he can start a fight. I'm documenting everything, I'm not walking out of this marriage with no money and no place to go. He should be the one to have to leave. I'm so full of hate right now.

Thanks for letting me vent.

bradykid 06/18/2016

I'm sorry that happened. What a jerk. I don't get it either, they should be the ones to leave. When my AH gets wasted and just wants to quit on our 18 years together, he thinks it's totally reasonable for me to leave, because I'm the problem. Yeah right, like I would ever in a million years leave my kids with a raging alcoholic. My AH husband has recently stated, fine he'll leave, but he's going to be at the bank in the morning waiting for them to open to take 1/2 our money, because that's what he's entitled to by law. I was completely devastated. He didn't care about how I would make the mortgage payment, pay bills, get food, etc. In the morning he said, "I'm not going to the bank". And that was it. But it scared me. I'm wondering if anyone has a secret bank account for just this issue. My husband would never know as I am in charge of the money and pay all the bills.

annette16 06/18/2016

It's a good idea to have a secret place to save money.

yw249 06/18/2016

Yes, I'm working on getting together secret funds in CASH. I don't want it showing up in a bank account and have to split it with him. I also applied for a couple of credit cards in my own name to build my credit separately. My AH has said he is going to wait until our youngest child graduates in 3 years that way he won't have to pay child support. Such a POS. He says he won't do this if "things get better around here." Can you believe that crap? He totally ignores that his savage drinking is the cause of all of our biggest problems. He gets waited on hand and foot. Never has to do a thing for himself. Doesn't have to keep up with household expenses. Hell, he keeps out more cash for his personal weekly spending than what our house payment is while I walk around mostly broke.

yw249 06/18/2016

Also, keep a packed overnight bag someplace he won't see. In the trunk if possible.

bonblue 06/18/2016

Bless your heart ...its hard enough to get something for someone who you know is not going to respect or appreicate it.
We try so hard to keep eveyone happy and peace on the home front.
We care they dont..
Great idea starting a nest egg . I wish I did mine a long time ago. He spend and spend .. me I try to save and save.
Wishing you a great day many hugs and prayers

yw249 06/18/2016

Thank you....it is difficult to buy for him. He sees my doing things for him as his constitutional right. I just saw a book titled "The Gaslighting Effect." I may order it. I think it applies to my
situation.

https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Gaslight_Effect.html?id=IuPuGQAACAAJ

Dinner time is approaching. He's good and loaded now. The real fun begins.

p.s. I was going to return the shirt and get my money back. But I'm giving the shirt to one of my son's instead. He will appreciate it,

jms7229 06/19/2016

I always have problems buying a card for my Prince Charming, no matter what the occasion. For Father's Day this year I got one from the dogs!!!!! And signed my name after the dod's names. That was the best I could do.
We had a small BBQ today, although he managed to be pleasant with the guests, he spent most of the day distant and nasty. ( the usual).
Party over, just before passing out on the couch he was talking nonsense. Now big ole belly hanging out .... Head drooping to the left, he just dropped the newspaper all over the floor and snoring up a storm.
Happy Father's Day.
I'm going into another room.
Same sh** , different day.

jms7229 06/19/2016

I am in control of the money, I have a separate savings account where I stash the little extras when I can. He has do idea how to do online banking and does not know the pass codes. He San access the checking, but I only keep the minimum there. I am not leaving him because of financial reasons. I am comfortable enough and have little to do with him intimately. Wish it was a better deal, but this is what I've got.

jennybobenny 06/19/2016

Last year, I spent like an hour trying to find a father's day card for my son's father that read, "f*ck you, you f*cking f*uck." Surprisingly, they didn't have anything like that but Hallmark would make loads of $$$ since i don't think I'm alone with that sentiment. But seriously, they need to have a section for us like "for the POS alcoholc (humorous)."

Btw, this year, my son and I had the best Father's Day with my dad. Breakfast, shopping at Home Depot, a visit to the park, and Thai Food for dinner.

And I'm going to buy myself something nice because I am both the mother and father to my son.

Life is good without my alcoholic ex! I hope you ladies found some peace and maybe even some laughter and healing today.

jms7229 06/20/2016

Oh my goodness !!!! Perfect card sentiment!!! I am sitting in my office at work laughing aloud.thank you.

deleted_user 06/20/2016

Jenny: I am smiling - your day with your son and dad sounds wonderful. So happy for all of you. I love shopping at Home Depot and Thai Food!

JMS: I was laughing, too. I think I have gotten to the point of laughing when I read what I have been feeling! I have no one to really tell because friends would probably not believe the person who is two different people in public and private!

Love this site!

yw249 06/20/2016

LOL yes, maybe we should get together and start a greeting card company...call it "From the real world.: LOL

For my dear husband on father's day.
Thank you for passing out by nightfall so the rest of us can exhale.
Life would be so different without you. etc etc.

My AH does the same thing. He actually can pass out without dropping the remote control!

jms7229 06/21/2016

You just can't make this shit up!

yw249 06/21/2016

No you can't! Nobody but the wife of an alcoholic would believe it!

jennybobenny 06/21/2016

Front cover: Happy Father's Day...

Inside: ...to the hot FedEx delivery guy.

Back cover: just kidding. Dreams don't come true when you're married to an alcoholic.

Lololololol okay the back cover was a little harsh, but it felt good writing it on here. What would your greeting cards say?

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