so sorry this keeps reposting how doI make it stop?

Of course, you can have hope. It's usually the last to go. I actually want to congratulate you on taking those tough steps insisting he see a counselor and talking with a divorce attorney. I know none of that is easy.

IF you have kids you do have more pull to get the house back as a place to stay. It may take a bit.

I know, there are no easy answers at this stage but most likely things will get better as you continue to move forward. I DO want to give you the magic wand (after I'm done using it), but it just doesn't seem to be that easy. Hang in there.

Yes, there is hope. It might not be where you want it to be (ie stop drinking and get sober.) However, there is hope. Put the focus on yourself and your needs, let yourself start to develop your own dreams and hopes. It may feel a bit odd at first, however, little by little you will get used to it.

Be smart about leaving the house. Get legal counsel. Follow it to a T and know that the path to the legal divorce is quite rocky and not at all smooth, however, eventually it smooths itself out.

((((HUGS))))

Pack his bag for treatment. Doesnt have to b a fancy place; prices usuallly rang from 500 to as much as u want to spend. Your insurance may pay also. Were do u live?

I suggest she get to an al-anon meeting asap. She should wait if she feels hesitant about a lawyer. Theres nothing wrong with working your recovery and see where your insights and perspectives ar after 6months to a year after joinig. It doesnt have to be that long , but its my inderstanding that you should check out recovery then after the time see where you are at in your heart...
Blessings,
Melanie

He actually went to rehab today - we went for an assessment and they determined he is a danger to himself, so they locked him up. He is furious at me and frantic about missing work. His parents are relieved, my family is relieved, so why do I feel so guilty?

My husband was sent to rehab once too...it lasted 5 days, then he was allowed to check himself out. He came home furious and spent the next week drinking himself almost into oblivion. That was the first time that I left him, because I couldn't take the abuse that I received from him. He was soooo angry with me, with his sister, with everybody involved. I moved back in after he calmed down and agreed to seek treatment...which, of course, never happened.

Don't feel guilty! If he needs this...if is is legitimately a danger to himself...maybe he will be one of the men who sees this as a wake-up call. They all have that stereotypical rock-bottom...it's just a matter of finding it. Maybe this is his? But do NOT feel guilty about trying to find ways to help him! That guilt will keep you locked in a bad cycle!

Its tough bc al anon says don't manipulate or force them to seek help, so now I'm afraid this won't work b/c he wasn't willing, and we'll end up worse than we were before. Al anon is more about me though, so maybe I should just stay focused on me and the kids and let what happens, happen. I know before I drove him to the facility he was in absolute despair and was talking about dying.

Thanks for all the support, this is such a help to me, you have no idea.

Yep, I understand the part about not forcing them to seek help. I know that's why my first husband's attempt at it (which wasn't really an attempt...he was forced) failed. My husband was not ready to change. I was silly, believed him, and returned. My husband often made comments about dying, about suicide. I was terrified for him. Yes, you may end up worse than you were before...but you absolutely can not make yourself responsible for choices that HE makes. If he comes home angrier and doesn't want to change, worry about yourself and your children! You said it perfectly...stay focused on you and the kids and let what happens, happen.

I, just like all of the women on here, have been where you are. My husband didn't sober up until I left him last May. Even though he's been sober for 120 days, our marriage couldn't survive what we went through. I held that hope out far too long that mine would change, that mine would choose me and the kids over the alcohol. I think we all understand that sliver of hope. You, and only you, can decide when enough is enough.

Don't ever give up hope. The most important thing however is to give yourself and your children the top priority. It's hard to do because there are so many directions you can take. Only you can decide when you have had eno
ugh and need to try something else. So far with me I know I love my husband but I also realize that doesn't mean I have to like him. Most of the time he's not very likeable. At those times I just keep my distance and as they at al anon, I just take care of myself. Fortunately my children are grown up so I don't have that extra problem. Remember, you and your children are the important ones. Good luck.

I am not one to say divorce too quickly, especially when there are children involved. But, I do believe that if there is unhappiness in the household it is not good for the children. How old are your children? I agree with what everyone else is saying, stay focused on you and the kids! And, we must never give up hope! I feel your pain and frustration since I am there now, but we don't have any small children, just one 21 year old in college. As hard as it may be, try to stay strong!

Keep the focus on your and your healing. I can promise that the answers will come....in their own time and you will be more than just fine....if you focus on you.

Hope and prayers for you and your family
big hug

Rehab seems to have made a big difference in attitude, praying that he can make it work. He may be home tomorrow but he is excited to go to AA and get a sponsor. It is nice to see signs of the person I married! Trying not to get overly excited though, bc I have had high hopes in the past and they were smashed to little bits.

He has been sober for 30 days! It doesn't seem real, but I am taking one day at a time, just like he is. He is working the program so hard, has a sponsor. I am still going to Al Anon though.