You have the power. You deserve happy and lighthearted moments. I hope you find it.

Thank you Utahmamabear, the thing that hurts the most is that he has had moments of sobriety lasting a few months straight. We have talked endlessly about finally starting a family. I came home today and found a water bottle spiked with vodka. I feel like any hope of that is quickly fading away. He also won't eat anything so whatever he consumes just saturates his system. I love the man I have seen and know he can be.

The problem is that there is a point where the man you loved, no longer exists because the addiction has smashed him. You may only see glimmers of who he used to be, like if you tell him he is done, only to lose sight of the old person because he starts the cycle again. The swearing and name-calling though, there is no call for it. You don't deserve that kind of treatment. I am sorry that you have had to endure that. I hope that you will find the strength some day, to put your foot down and tell him enough is enough and that he should just go somewhere else and take care of himself. This would not be a good situation to bring a family up in.

Honestly the 1st advice that popped into my head was "kick the bum out and rebuild your life", but I don't want you to feel I'm minimizing your situation. I was in your shoes, with 2 kids, and I did just that (kicked him out). Life is so much better. It's not easy, but after a few days of peacefulness in the home, I knew I made the right choice. Every step after that was easier.

That's a tough situation. You may get some ideas reading up about codependency - I did. It also helps to remove yourself from the situation. It is much harder to make the decisions with kids. Don't engage him when he is drunk. Decide what you can live with and talk about treatment options when he is sober. If he doesn't want it, nothing you do will change a thing.

He doesn't respect you anymore. Try to talk to him and after that then you will be able to make decisions.

If a friend of yours was in the same position as you, what advice would you give her? You've got to be your own best friend.

I read your post and you sound so sad and defeated. I know that feeling. Maybe it would help if you got counseling to help you understand what you are going through and help figure out what you want and how to get it.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice. On Sunday 6/4..three days after posting this. My husband entered into an impatient treatment facility. That Saturday just before was the worst yet...simply because i couldn't even communicate with him. He was acting like a child. He was upset, sad, frantic...it was a roller coaster of a day of emotions for him and truthfully myself. By the end of the evening on Saturday, I had given him some food to help him absorb the alcohol and was able to talk with him finally. We discussed that treatment was a good next step. Now I know in the past he had looked into this but didn't follow through. By some chance of fate, a center ,which he had inquired at in the past, called him Sunday morning to ask how he was doing. I know the typical response is that everything is going well. He was actually honest with the person and began looking into running the insurance. We packed his bag and got him ready to go. He ended up going somewhere else that was local where I would be able to participate and visit more which has been beneficial. He has been in for nearly three weeks now. I have been attending lectures when I am able to and have learned more about the disease that is alcoholism. I know that this isn't a cure, but it is definitely a step in the right direction as this is the first time he has fully acknowledged he has a problem. I won't lie and say that I don't worry about him readjusting to life and the real world. Right now, however, I am re-focusing on myself and taking care of me. Obviously that has fallen down the list of priorities in recent months. I am hopeful yet nervous for what lies ahead. I know that I can't deal with this time and time again. I just hope he also realizes that and takes the steps to fight this....for himself and us

praying all goes well. Take care of urself!

Thank you dstrick, I have been even getting back into reading and enjoying me time again. Today I am going to go out to brunch with my best friend. I need this time to regroup and get back to life.

This is awesome. I'm very happy for you that he's decided to make that decision for both of you. I know sometimes alcohol can turn people into someone that they're not and make them ugly can they become people that we don't even know anymore. Once he knows he has a problem and he starts working on himself that's where the Healing Begins. It's going to be a life-long issue it will never go away it will always be there. I think that's the hardest part to accept. I hasn't been sober now for 11 months and it will always be in the back of my mind that there's a possibility he could slip and go back into drinking again. I have to learn to live with that feeling and do I want to live with that feeling?

I am going through the same and I understand how you feel, however; I have only been married to my husband for a little bit over than 8 months...and the past 3 months have been hell!!! I dated him for over a year and I never saw a sign. He was very athletic, hardworking and had healthy eating habits. He was kind, loving, patient, protective and we had so many plans for our future..we even bought a house (and were going to remodel it TOGETHER) However; once we got married, he started to change, he started drinking wine during the weekends around noon and by 3-4 pm he was falling asleep on the couch, needles to say; we stopped doing things together as he was always tired or irritable. So I started to feel frustrated all the time as I didn't understand what was happening to him and to us (newlyweds). Long story short, beginning April he came home one day and said he was done with us and said he had given up on the relationship because I had stolen his happiness!! I was devastated and I cried myself to sleep for a whole month as he also stonewalled me and called me bad names all the time. His drinking increased significantly and so did his rage. He became this verbally and emotionally abusive monster and took pride on his efforts to hurt me with his words and attitude. A month ago or so, we went to the park to take our dog for a walk and attempted to reconnect (his idea), however; he was extremely drunk and enraged at me as I was "the worst mistake he ever made" and became physically abusive.....needles to say, I broke down in tears and fear. I took our dog with me and spent the night with a family member. He tried to apologize as he did not remember anything ...I tried to forgive him but I just can't. Many things have happened during these couple of months, he has admitted he has a problem and has stated he needs help, but because he is so busy at work trying to be "successful" and making a lot of money, he has not time to get the help he needs. So, I have been going to counseling, church and al-anon meetings just to try to cope with my reality and his disease. I have to say, that living with a (high-functioning) alcoholic has taken a toll on me and although he says he loves me, his actions prove the opposite. It is a very lonely existence, I cry all the time as I miss the man I fell in love with; but at the same time, I know that if I stay hoping for him to get better...it will destroy me!! I have met wonderful people who have been supportive and caring and I have a wonderful family, but still; I feel sad, frustrated, angry and confused most of the time. My heart goes to all of you! I'm glad I found this support group.

I agree that this support group is a god sent. I went to one al-anon meeting which was emotionally draining to find him at home drunk while looking after our daughter. So that never happened again. I basically can't EVER do anything by myself. I can't trust him to stay sober when he's with our daughter. This group has helped me sooo much. Just being able to offload in here when I need to and reading everyone else's stories. I feel no shame telling my story knowing that all of you understand. Some are better some worst but we all have one sad common point in that we live with alcoholics who are most of the time in complete dénial.