You can't make him better and if he is drinking after a fourth DUI, it sounds like he doesn't want to get better. So I can't give you words of encouragement on his willingness and ability to be sober -- that would be false hope.

That doesn't mean life won't get better for you and your daughter. What are the steps you can take in that direction? What support do you have and what do you need? Focus on taking care of her and yourself and I am sure you will be able to work things out. It will get better for both of you.

God is working things out, just not in the ways you want them to turn out. We aren't here to fix someone else, only they can do that, if they want to. Most alcoholics, christian or not, aren't capable or don't want to change. I know in my situation, the role my AH had in my life, was not to be a good husband and father. He was a lesson to me about things I needed to work on and how to grow stronger as a person, find my own strength and self-worth, love, joy and so many other things, within myself. People are either lessons or blessings in our lives, sometimes both, depending how you look at the situation. Things will get better for you and your daughter, but don't expect that it will be with your husband and that someday he will be able to change enough to become what you and your daughter need.

The danger of being a christian in this type of situation, is that you are told how God hates divorce and you should just try and find a way to make it work. This is dangerous for those of us in a one-sided, dysfunctional family. You end up getting hurt more and more, getting more miserable and nothing changes, all the while, wondering why God would allow it. We are here to learn from this experience. Find out that we don't need to look externally for our worth, strength and how we choose to react to others. But just because you are christian, does not mean that you are doomed to this way of life for all eternity. God doesn't want us to stay stuck in our old ways of thinking and to continue to have us allow the abuse we suffer. He wants us to rise up above it all, be our own superheros, not allow our enjoyment of life to be affected by someone elses bad choices.

Miracles do happen, and some alcoholics make it through to become better people someday. But, they already had to ability inside them. Most addicts, don't have the coping skills, or ability to change, grow and learn from life. They use, to self medicate and run away from having to deal with life. When you have been able to mature through the different trials in your life, and you are a caring, empathetic person, capable of taking care of others and seeing the good in people, it is hard to comprahend how and why an addict works. They are a severely broken, mental disordered in some cases, lost soul. Some of them are mentally and emotionally trapped at the age in childhood, when something traumatized them beyond the point of growing and maturing.

God is working things out for you. You just have to ask Him to show you where and how he is. The answers will come, when you are truly ready to receive and understand them. Don't give up the faith because He isn't working in the ways you believe He should be. He is working them out in ways that he knows are best for you.

Beautifully said Bluesprite. Thank you

I want to add that detachment can be a very useful tool in YOUR recovery and ability to cope with the situation. I must admit it took me a very long time to figure out just exactly what detachment means. For me it means allowing him to figure it all out for himself.
It means allowing him to follow his own path with out nagging and controlling. It means mot getting involved in his drama. By the way I’m pretty terrible At this ! but it takes practice. When I am successful, it works and my home is peaceful and I feel content in following my own heart. My husband still drinks, I have to be honest, but I leave him to it to deal with his own consequences. Right now, he is sleeping it off in the guest bedroom ( I call it the dog house. ) this gives me the peace and serenity I need in my own home. I’m eating Cheez-it’s with cream cheese and drinking soda. I’m watching Stranger Things , there is no drunk angry nasty man sitting here to pussy foot around. I can breathe. I can text my friends. These are the times I go to alanon or yoga. These are the times I learn to be by myself.

Bluespirit, you just make me feel some much comfort with everything your write. Thank you for your wisdom. I pray God shows all of us where we need to go and be in this life with our children. My AH stayed up all night on the night before Christmas Eve. Thus, when I woke up to prepare food for the day and get the kids ready, he was stone blind drunk. He ruined the one day of the year that I pleaded with him not (and that he assured me he wouldn’t drink). I’ve seriously lost all hope. At this point, it’s time to start leaning the detachment. I feel like it’s hatder for me though because I have to rely on him to wat h the kids while I’m working (he works night shift but doesn’t drink on those days so I have some piece of mind). I’m just at the end of my rope. This is the only thing I can do at this point and still remained married for the sake of my children. I just can’t fathom the idea of him having visitation without me present, so I’ll try and tough it out. It’s sad, I never in a million years thought I would use the statement “I’ll just tough it out”.

On point both of u! Thank u blue, I've always had this thought of praying n not seeing changes. I just a few months ago realized that I can pray for him and I can pray in the moment when things are rough and I feel like I'm about to fall off the edge. God is moving but it's all in his time I've noticed so many things changing more in me than in him. I've learned more patences and when to keep my mouth shut. We have to take our lives back and not allow the alcohol to take over. We're not the ones that have a problem it's taken me 30 yrs to figure this out. Its all a learning expierence. We can continue to learn or we can move on to better things. Some need longer but im a big believer that God has a plan for everyone, this is just making us all stronger.
Jms I'm working on how to detach ur comment helps me a lot also. I have to learn not to completely ignore him. I get caught up and catch myself ignoring him completely. I hate the alcohol not him! It's just so hard sometimes to see the person underneath. The person that we feel in love with. Thank u both. And hopeful hope u find the answers ur looking for! ☺