Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
Do any of your AHs ever apologize for their drunken rants or verbally abusive behavior the day after, when they are sober? Mine never once apologized for all the times he said horrible things about my friends or family. Or when he treated me like krap by picking fights, or followed me around ranting about ridiculous things that were bothering him, etc...
If I ask if he remembers some of the stuff, sometimes he denies it and other times he fumbles over his words to admit he does recall what he texted or said. I finally asked him if he even feels bad for things he says or texts to me when he is drinking (when he is sober). He started to say no and then hesitated and said, "Sometimes." I asked him why he never apologizes then. Silence.
So what does it say about a man who is mean and verbally abusive and then never feels bad about his behavior when he is sober? I would feel horrible for treating my partner like that? Does anyone else have a partner who never apologizes for their drunken behavior? I know that this is not about an apology, but it says something about him as a person. I know he is sick, but that does not excuse him for treating someone he supposedly loves like that. The bigger question is why do I stay and put up with it?
Why do we stay??? I haven't figured that out yet after 30 years i'm still trying to. I blame finances and my soft heart when he's sober but that soft heart is really getting cold lately. Sending hugs and prayers your way!
Still infuriates me. Not sure I can get over some of the things he has said to me when drunk. He never calls me names, but says horrendous things about my friends and his family. He did tell me to "Shut the f up" once when I told him to stop yelling. I hung the phone up on him.
I am trying to figure that out too. My finances are separate from him, so I have no reason from that perspective. I totally understand that. My sympathy for him has been fading too. He has gone to therapy for two appointments and has been trying recently. However, living while you are waiting for the other shoe to drop is nerve-racking. Because I know that it will drop. No one should have to live that way. That has how it has become for me.
It is hard to separate my realization of his illness with my feelings of anger for getting no respect as his girlfriend or just as a human being. Illness or not. Ya know?
Thanks for the support. Hugs and prayers to you as well. Thanks for listening.
I'm trying to get myself financially stable to support myself and my 2 granddaughters, but he's got a health issue right now that we will find out friday the results. You would think a scare like this would be his breaking point but not yet !
Yes, they seem to know how to hit us where it hurts most. He made a comment about my father one night (while drunk) and I reamed him the next day. My dad has been nothing but amazing to him all these years. I told him that too.
I am so sorry to hear that your husband would say something so disrespectful while you are grieving about your sister. So sorry that happened to you. How incredibly hurtful. I also try to push thoughts away about things he has said, but, like for you, it is overbearing sometimes.
Sorry to hear he has a potentially serious health threat. My boyfriend has not been to any doc for over 10 years. His family worries about that. Nothing seems to scare my boyfriend. That is what is so scary.
Hugs and support. All my best.
Sorry to hear that your husband does not apologize either. We all seem to take the bullets for them on so many levels, don't we? So unfair. Hugs.
What baffles me is that my boyfriend does not get it. We were in a restaurant on Valentine's Day. There was a man in there who had too much to drink and was causing a bit of a scene with restaurant staff. I looked at my boyfriend and said, "See, alcohol bad." It was tongue and cheek. He just smirked.
He also watches Live PD and tons of drunk people hitting their wives, ranting all over the place, fighting friends, punching police, etc.... I asked him if he sees how they are all ruining their lives because of alcohol? It is just sad.
Look at all the pain they are causing their families. And you do look like that to us ....slurring words, falling all over the place, etc... His response is, "I don't drink and drive, though, like those guys. I walk to the bar" Deflection is his thing. It is like he thinks he is not like them. They are much worse off. I give up.
Chiggy, they don't see themselves as they see others and they don't think they're doing anything wrong if they did they would know just how stupid they look and sound! ;)
Yes, I guess in looking at it from that perspective it is hurtful too. You are getting promises of change that never happens. Yeah, it hurts either way. Thank you for your support. I truly appreciate it.