The alcoholic's path can often be inscrutable to those of us who don't suffer from the disease. My story has a happy ending and I hope it is helpful to you.

I believe in my heart that we are each responsible for our choices, even if they are obviously dumb ones, like banging your head against glass. I chose to let my husband follow his own self-destructive path.

I knew I could not do my husband's healing for him, but could I stand by and watch him kill himself through alcoholism? I was on both sides of that arguments for years. And though I was exhausted by the craziness, and days away from leaving, I stood by.

Nearly a year ago, I drove my husband to 30-day residential treatment at our local hospital. We had four months of clarity and joy, and then he began anew his love affair with vodka. The lies and sneaking returned, along with negativity, cynicism, anger and withdrawal. He admitted twice to me that he was drinking again, promising to recover, getting my hopes up, only to fall right back into his darkness.

Then, for whatever reason, he came to me two months ago and asked for my help. "I need to detox," he said. "And then I need to figure out a plan."

He's on that plan today; a full turnaround: He is emotionally strong, enabling him to be open and honest with me. I'm not naive to think he won't relapse, but I believe he now has the tools to deal with it and a community (friends, AA, and me) to support him.

The key, I believe, is that HE initiated this most recent commitment to sobriety. How he got there isn't clear. What my role was in his getting there, isn't clear. I like to think that residential treatment gave him a sobriety toolbox containing a bunch of different tools to draw on (AA, exercise, meditation, therapy etc). But tools are only as good as the alcoholic's desire to use them. "The teacher appears when the student is ready." For whatever reason, he got ready.

There's no magic, one-size-fits all approach to this stuff. I wish you much strength and clarity as you figure out how your path intersects with your husband's. Best of luck.

No advise other than let him be. Be at the ready, though, in case something happens that you have to call 911 and render first-aid until help arrives. They do stupid things when they drink, but we cannot control the behavior. Sometimes I have found that rather than focus on the behavior they're exhibiting, it's helpful to ignore it, pretend it's nothing unusual, and maybe suggest something to redirect their attention. Even if it's something as simple as asking them for help to do a small task or asking them to step outside with you because you want to show them something or just be with them to talk (even though you don't really want to at that moment). I would only do that if I felt my AH's behavior may be dangerous to himself.

Thank you all for your advise. I stay at a state of anxity just waiting for anything to happen. I hate it but I do love my husband. I know I can not stop him from drinking even though its killing him.
I see it and I can not understand as much as he has been through that he can not accept what is causing him to hurt himself. He is always trying to find other reason to what happened to him other then the alcohol causing his problem. My heart achs for him but I can do nothing but be here.

I know how you feel. It's a frightening, heartbreaking road. I like the month hospital stay idea. I am very worried about my husband. He has stage 3 kidney disease and a pace maker. Hugs needed!

"No advise other than let him be."

I've been wondering for years what it is I've been doing wrong or should be doing or if I am weak, and this is the first time I have felt like I'm not crazy. Like all this is just happening to me because I am a weak and bad wife, and if he were married to anyone else he would not have a drinking problem. I don't know what else to say other than I am so glad I found you all.

I have felt many times I too am going crazy. I ask myself why . Dont he see .. why can he not understand what
he is doing to me.. no answers only I get harder hearted. I look for strength and peace and thank God for this I know other can help give me guiedence.
Thank you all y
for your kind words