Hi PDX. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. You’ve come to a place where we share similar stories. I don’t have anything positive to share. I’m sorry. Unfortunately, it sounds like your situation is getting worse and will probably continue to. NOT YOUR FAULT!!! There is nothing you say or do to make your husband drink. That’s on him! And the way he thinks and behaves. That’s on him! He’s the ONLY one who can make a change. I know you’re looking for a success story. Maybe someone on here does have one, not sure. Alcoholism is EXHAUSTING - on us!! And you’re right - do I want to be in my situation in another 10 years? Lord, no. Be strong! Think of yourself, not him. You deserve peace, love, happiness. Hugs!!

My heart aches for you with very painful memories of "I love him so much but, I don't know how much more I can take!" I've been pretty quiet in this group for a while as I don't want anyone to think that I'm rubbing their nose in it but ...I guess my husband and I are the success story you are looking for. The thing is that I think there was a lot of factors in him getting into recovery and staying in it that all came together at the time. I think he was tired of the pattern drinking had put him into. I think my telling him that there was no way I could ever consider us having children together with him still drinking and that since I really wanted to be a mother and was getting on in my having kids years it killed me to think that I'd never be a mother because he chose to drink really hit home for him as someone who always wanted to be a father as well- until the intervention I had never been so blunt about this issue. The program he went to was absolutely perfect fit for his personality too- I couldn't have designed it better. The time he was there was tough but I was able to go see him every other day which helped. When he came home was honestly the harder part- learning new relationship dynamics, learning to know this guy who doesn't binge drink, who I could trust and be in a partnership with. It's been slow and continues to be an ongoing process of me letting go of being in control of everything in our relationship- I've had to learn to trust him- which has not been easy. But now I leave money in my wallet and know it's still going to be there, we've been to events with open bars and I know he's not going to have a drink. Do I have my moments where he has a bad day and the thought crosses my mind? Yes, unfortunately, how traumatizing it was to handle is still there and crops up every now and then. But we both have worked REALLY hard- he's been very patient with me and my choices of when and how I choose to give up control- and I've had to wrangle frustration when his learning to be a sober adult in the world for the first time gets under my skin. It's a lot of expectation checking and re-checking and reminding ourselves of how far we both have come as individuals and as a couple. It's taken a lot of humor, compassion, dealing with things apart and then addressing them together. But, the thing is- I feel he was ready, and he went to the right program for him, and he/ I/ we were ready to do the really tough work (of course, mostly him but it was a big effort for me and for our relationship too!) I think we can offer/ beg/ force addicts into treatment as much as we want- until it's right treatment, right time- it's not going to work. And sadly, their brains are wired for the pleasure they will/ believe they will get from drinking. It's not us as the significant others- it's their brain, we're trying to rationalize with a sick brain! No wonder I felt crazy at times and like throwing myself into walls in frustration. Anyway- that's the shortened version of my and my husband's story. Of course relapse will always be there as a possibility- but to be really honest, we had a LOT happen in that crucial first year and he didn't drink. He's almost 2 years sober now and as he keeps gaining more ground in life and becoming more proud of who he is- I worry less and less about it. He's gotten a lot of his family back, he's made new friends and his old ones support him being sober, he's been employed and stable for over a year, and our marriage has never been better. I'm immensely proud of him. I wish I had the magic recipe and could print it out for others- because I've been there and it feels absolutely awful! I was close to giving up so many times. I'm glad I didn't. I also get why I wanted to and get why so many people walk away- it's brutal to love an addict. And some (many) will never get better. I'm so grateful that mine did and continues to. I wish you all the best- from the bottom of my heart- it can get better, and I do get that often it doesn't too. Many hugs to all!

Thanks for sharing, APieceOfMyHeart. You are a strong, brave and patient person. Your husband is lucky to have you. I wish you and your husband the best!! Take care!

I really appreciate you taking the time to share your story APieceOfMyHeart! Thank you. And thank you also loublue22 for your supportive words. I’m so glad I found this group. I suppose the knowledge that it does work out sometimes is what keeps so many of us hanging on. My own parents were a success story which also gives me hope. But I also want to figure out and set some really clear lines for myself in case things continue to progress and get worse. I’ll keep all of you in my thoughts. Hugs to all!

The only success story I'm looking forward to is leaving my alcoholic husband. I cant count how many times I've been through being sober and relapsing. The longest soberity he had was almost 3 years of soberity. I feel more stressed when he is sober because I feel like I'm always waiting for him to screw up again...making myself paranoid..and etc. I would say if you feel in your heart he's capable of admitting his wrongs and actively trying to sober then you have a fighting chance. But if he doesnt seem like he cares that much in becoming sober..you may find yourself in a cycle of disappointments and heartaches. I'm sorry you're going through this and would never wish this even on my enemy..dealing with an alcoholic is really traumatic. Just please do not ever blame yourself for anything he says or do...dont think theres anything you can do less or more can help. He has to want this fight within himself in order to really be healed from this. If he doesnt want it theres nothing you can do...sure you can force his to go to AA meetings and rehab like I did my husband..but didnt fix the problem just paused it for a little because he didnt TRUELY want to get help. Which ever you choose you have the support and good luck