Welcome to the group no one wants to join. Unfortunately not many of these stories seem to have happy endings. I have been with my high functioning AH for almost 13 years and have watched the alcohol slowly suck the life out of him. It is devastating. And the verbal abuse comes out of nowhere and enrages me also. I have shut down emotionally and given up trying to make him change. His love is alcohol. End of story. I am staying because at 65 years old it is too late to start over. I think all of our AH's have a death wish and they use alcohol to speed up the process. Hopefully your story will have a happier ending and maybe your AH will at some point choose you over the booze. In the mean time take care of yourself cuz it is a rough ride.

A slightly belated welcome to the group. I wanted to let you know you are not alone. My husband also has small windows of time when he is sweet and kind... but his disease is progressing and those moments are further apart and he has become emotionally disassociated due to changes in brain function.
It’s difficult to live this kind of life. Remember to take care of yourself! If you need a shoulder ... I’m here.

if he is in denial about what he said during angry moods - is there a way to record them on your phone perhaps and then when he is calm (& IF you feel it is SAFE) play it back to him? try to openly communicate your feelings and get him to do likewise?
without this level of respect there will be no progress. you will be like so many in this (perfectly phrased rose 351) group no one wants to join.
just had my 11th anniversary - saved up all year to afford going out for a nice meal . Got home and a friend called - happy anniversary and i will let you get back to the fun....what fun....this is the highlight of the year! there is no fun - these AH's grab a bottle not a ____ .their interest is in drinking to pass out not falling asleep to a lover.
either accept the situation, try to change the situation or get out now.

Your situation sounds much like mine. I'm going through the same thing and am highly considering leaving. After 17 years of being married, and most of those being filled with anxiety and arguing over the alcohol, I'm ready to go. We have kids together and I'm not sure if you do or not, but like you, I don't really have family that can help. It makes it that much harder. I have good friends though who are willing to give me a stepping stone on my way.
My advice is this...if this has been a situation that has been going on for quite some time, and you've tried asking him to stop, etc, find a way to leave. I watched my mom go through all this for 23 years before she left. I told myself I'd never be with an alcoholic, yet here I am. I have a 14 year old daughter that I am terrified is going to make the same bad decisions. Some people change, most don't. The biggest thing is, they have to want to. If they don't want to, they won't. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

I HAVE SAID THAT SO MUCH!!"You say it wasn't that bad, because you don't REMEMEBER IT!!!!!"i have had a counselor tell him a licensed professional, tell him "she has PTSD, from all the bad shit involved all the things and places and stuff involved in the violence that has come to her from YOUR alcoholism!"..and this same therapist, he used some words from him to try to point out that i was supposed to stop "trying to control him",,and remembered that well,,HOWEVER dismissed the very valuable info on the PTSD, which is true. I get heart palpations i start to get nervous and will almost start to sob,,,and that's when i realize, he has allowed the addiction to distort his clarity too such a degree,,he prob doesn't even realize hes doing it. those moments of clarity are very fleeting because the alcoholism is so bad. I have actaull thought he was POSSESSED his behavior at times has been so very opposite who he seems when hes not drunk. i have tried to record hi , if he sees it hell throw or break my phone. he knows ,,but he chooses to not see. So the answer after considering this, is what my therapist ACTUALLY said, that he translated to "quit controlling me",,he said" why would he quit, when i am so willing to help keep him from facing any consequences for what he does???I need to let him go,let him face the FULL CONSEQUENCES OF HIS ACTIONS, and even then, he may still not get sober..but at least ill be free of suffering for him:...he has to have a moment of clarity , and you still being ther everytime he comes to, just makes him think he can keep it all going a little longer, and keep you in the web and keep everything he wants in his life WHILE HES DRINKING, sometimes they figure it out on their own, chances are this isn't his first go around with domestic dischord, and hes a pro, at getting his way ,,