Hi Eileen,
I tried a few Alanon meetings. (1 time at one meeting, and a few times at another.) The meetings were just okay. I made a lot more progress with a therapist. Alanon is for anyone who has been affected by another person's drinking, whether that person is still drinking or not. Do you have an idea of what you would hope to get out of meetings? Do you just want to be around other people who get what it's been like for you, and understand the damage alcoholism does to a marriage/relationship? Or do you need help with anxiety, because you're so worried about your husband's health? Are you trying to understand your husband's struggle? Each of those things would possibly have different "best" approaches, IMO. In the Alanon meetings that I went to, there were people who had parents, kids, and spouses with alcoholism, some still drinking, some not. And most of the people were not in physically abusive relationships with their As.

If your husband is an alcoholic and he is still drinking even a little, he is not in recovery. His "alcoholic voice" in his head is still going, and throughout the day, he is battling the urge to drink. Without real recovery, he will eventually relapse. It may not be a big relapse at first, but will snowball. It's the nature of the disease. I've heard alcoholics say that they had something like 8 years sober, thought they could handle a few drinks, then before they knew it they were completely back into the addiction and went another 5 or more years before they could get sober again. Is your husband doing a program, AA, rehab, out-patient rehab, or counseling? None of those things are magic cures. And they only work if the alcoholic really wants sobriety.

I think a lot about when my husband will die, and I'm working through my own anxieties and fears. I understand where that element in being the spouse comes from, for you. It's hard. A therapist might help you sort through your feelings on that issue, so you can be free to just enjoy the moment.
Sending you hugs!

I only went to 1 meeting. I thought I would get more support from the other members, and be able to have a dialogue, but the format was to talk (if you wanted) about your own situation, and not to comment on others. I found it emotionally draining, and thought I would feel a little better, but I felt more alone. I agree that a therapist would offer more personal guidance.

Thanks for the responses. I think I might give it a try and if it's not for me I might try therapy. As to what I want to get out of it? Just to feel better, but not sure that's possible right now. He is still drinking occasionally but rationalizes it that it's so much less than before. He is not going to AA or any other kind of therapy and thinks he can do it on his own and that makes me uncomfortable. He has gone to his GP, cardiologist and saw a GI specialist the other day for the fluid in his abdomen. None of them seem particularly alarmed, which surprised me. We talk a lot about all this but it sometimes feels like the same conversation over and over. He keeps trying to reassure me that everything will be fine but I do fear he's going to die soon.
This really helps to reach out and have responses that show you're understood. I would never wish this on anyone but I'm grateful not to be alone.
Thank you for the replies- and the honesty.