Glad you found a group that you can better relate to. Keep going. It does help if it's the right group.

AH's generally don't see beer as a problem. My AH only drinks beer and he is a raging alcoholic. 30 per weekend. I know what you mean about leaving. I don't think my AH would care at all because my face must be a constant reminder that his drinking is not ok. I always believed that if I left, he would end up with some honky tonk queen who drank as much as him. He would love that. It sounds like a tired excuse, but I'm leaving as soon as our youngest can't be forced into visitation by some judge who may or may not agree that my AH is an AH. Good luck to you with the meetings. Every step towards a stable life is a positive one.

yw - how old is your son? Have you spoken to a lawyer about visitation rights?

Good glad al anon is helping. yw249...my ex did end up with a honky tonk queen that drinks as much or more than he does. He still is not happy. His words couple days ago. I think he wants to try again with me and I want to say `really`??? Not a chance because he is not happy with me either. They are just not happy people. We have to work on accepting that is their problem and not ours. And do what it takes to make ourselves happy.

@lmichels...I understand not fitting in with parents of alcoholics. That was how I was a few years ago when issue was just with my ex. Unfortunately I now have to face that my son is well on his way to being an alcoholic and he probably already is. So now I have to learn this detaching with my son. Because he is my son and always will be my son. I cannot walk away from him and at least i can with my ex.

Just a few comments - I can relate to the lady who said she got lucky her husband got sick. I have hoped for something like that too with my AH. My dad got sick when he was 70 and stopped drinking cold turkey. (I'm not sure what he drank because he didn't drink at home, but I'm pretty sure it was both beer and whiskey). But that would have been a long time to wait since my AH is only in his 40s.

With regard to "only beer" - once a few years back when my AH was "only" drinking 10-15 beers per night, he quit drinking for a few days and was having tactile hallucinations. So beer alone still caused pretty serious withdrawal symptoms. This surprised me too because I guess I believed him when he said "it's only beer". Since then he started drinking about 4 shots of vodka on top of the 10-15 beers. I wonder what withdrawal symptoms he would get if he quit now - maybe seizures?

Lori47 - I'm so sorry about your son. I worry about that with my own kids too since alcoholism runs on both sides of the family. I guess I will check out Al-Anon if that happens. Is there even a way to prevent it?

Personally I do not think so. See I talked to all of my kids about alcoholism prior to them ever trying alcohol. They all said they saw what it did to their dad. Many many conversations for years. He first drank at 15 yrs of age and I finally caught him just before he turned 16 and I thought isolated incident. Once he became an adult I heard how much partying he did from 15 to 18. I know there were a few major drunk incidents at 17. Again we talked for hours on the issue. He just doesnt see this behavior leads to his dads behavior down the road.

He is now 21 yrs old and been in the Navy 2 1/2 years. Legal to drink at 18 where he has been stationed. He is now a heavy drinker though this leave was not as bad as his last leave. As in peeing in the corner thinking it was the toilet then clearing my dining room table to go to bed because he thought that was his bunk.

What can I do? He does not want to talk about alcoholism. I love my son and he is such a sweet guy when he is straight. Very thoughtful and considerate. I do not know what the future holds.

BTW Alcoholism does not run in my family at all...not with my grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, parents or siblings. I came from a nondrinking family. My ex family has heavy drinking on both his moms and dads side of family so I know thats where my sons genes come from. What is a mom to do?

Hey glad to hear you got to a meeting that was a better fit. Keep going try at least half a dozen or so before you decide. Hey, it's cheap and it can't hurt!! ;)

hugs, strength and peace to you…

My AH became ill with pancreatitis 3 years ago; normally it's beer which he doesn't see as a problem. Before the Pancreatitis he drank vodka and red wine. But after the Pancreatitis he stopped drinking for nearly a year because he nearly died from it. Then he decided that it was spirits and wine and did it to him so he went onto beer.

But when he's withdrawing from beer he has to take Librium to stop the retching, stomach cramps and hallucinations. He can only stay off beer for a about 4 days a time. And because he hasn't had Pancreatitis again he thinks he'll be ok.

It's only a matter of time before it catches up with him again, he's only 48 but I have my doubts as to whether he will survive past 50 sometimes and sometimes I think I want him to become ill again now so it might make him come to his senses.

Really? I can't believe he started to drink again. That is really really sad. So I guess 'rock bottom' isn't a serious illness for some people. So he started drinking beer regularly for the past 2 years? And no 'flare ups" of the pancreatitis? When he got pancreatitis - what happened? Did all of a sudden one day he was ill and decided he needed to go to the emergency room? Was he sick for awhile before it got bad enough to go to the hospital? What were the symptoms? I think we are all in the same boat - praying for a sickness to hit them so that maybe it will knock some sense into them.

So glad that you gave Al Anon another try. My group has been invaluable to my own recovery. It is a mix of parents with alcoholic/addicted kids and spouses/ex-spouses of alcoholics so the topics vary depending on who picks the subject but I get something out of every meeting, even if it is just a sympathetic ear. What is really great is that after you have been going for awhile there will be 'new' people coming in who you will be able to help with your experience and story. I had a recently separated woman come up to me at the last meeting and thank me for all the sharing I had done over the past few months because it really helped her gain insight and strength. She had me in tears!