I am so sorry you had to deal with that. It sucks that not only do we deal with AH, we must also near the brunt of anger from others for not handling things better, for "being the cause" simply because they are scared, hurt, or angry. It is easier to take it out on us for some reason. Know you are not the cause, he makes his own decisions and your child is speaking from a place of anger and fear. You are a good person trying to hold it together and survive. My thoughts and prayers are with you, sending you strength to get through.

I have the same with one of my older kids. He's heard his dad blame me as well. When my son does this, I let him know it isn't ok to talk to me that way and I try my best not to engage in it. This is one of the sad by-products of living in an AH home. I'm assuming he's watched his dad model this behaviour, and treat you with disrespect. Sadly we are also teaching them about marriage and relationships. I usually can have a good conversation with mine when he's calmed down. I try not to run my AH down but talk about the importance of people being responsible for their actions. There are life lessons to teach our kids in all of this. Educate yourself about children of alcoholics and what you can do to help. Also remember you are the one he feels safe enough with to say these things. Don't take it personal, just know you have a hurting kid who needs reassurance and to know there is one adult who is stable. I know it hurts, find people who you can talk too. Remember kids only cope as well as their parents do.

Another thought, it's not up to our kids to "empathize" with us, though I get that it's hard to see them side with the AH. But remeber hoping they will empathize puts them in the role of "parent" or "caretaker"...I don't want my kids to feel they need to take care of my feelings or pick sides. They need to not be in the middle of it. I keep telling my older one it's not for him to get involved, that his focus needs to be on his life, and figuring out what he wants to do for his future. We need to find others that we can turn to for support....I'm the one who feels I have to empathize with them, to understand what they are going thru and to know (this part hurts) that I picked this man and stayed with him for such a long time, and it hurt them. When mine goes off, I just tell him I get this situation sucks and I can see you're really angry with all of this. I am working on myself and how this can be better (modelling taking responsibility). Again my suggestion is to educate yourself about parenting kids of alcoholics. Best.

I'm so sorry you went through this. I have two yoUng adult sons who live at home. One tends to be a target for AH, he's also the one who takes his anger out on me. We are used to AH treating us badly almost to the point of being numb to it. Our kids are a different story. They can destroy us with words. I ijust hope you know it's not really directed at you. You are just a safe person for him to take his anxiety out on knowing you will always forgive him. Sending hugs and prayers.