Widows & Widowers Support Group
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Music was a big part of my and Brad's relationship. We both loved music and listened almost everything, But country was our favorite. Luke Bryan, Jason Aldean, and Brantley Gilbert were his favorites, and mine too. I have always related songs to whatever was going on in my life and often when I hear a song it reminds me of things that have happened in my past, good and bad. There are days that I am unable to listen to music at all because it all reminds me of him, and days that there are certain songs that get me, and then there are the days where listening makes me smile. So today while driving home I got to thinking about some of these songs and what they mean to me and thought it would be interesting to see what songs were "your song" and the stories behind them, that is if you'd like to share. For me telling stories about Brad is very comforting and calming for me. so here it goes, I'll try not to do too many because trust me there are a lot! :)
Lady Antebellum, "Need You Now" - When we first met this song kept popping up. Almost every time I heard it on the radio he would call. And it was something that was very familiar for us. Middle of the night phone calls, etc. It was the first ringtone I had for him, and it was that for a long time. This was the first "Our Song"
Kenny Chesney, "Somewhere With You" - We had a very rough start and there were many little breakups in the beginning, non lasting more than a few weeks. And we both attempted to date other people, but we were always thinking about and comparing everyone to each other. And there was this one night that I had gotten into a big fight with my mom and when I called him, after dark, he came and picked up my son and I with his daughter and the 4 of us went to dinner. I'll never forget the kids bouncing and singing along to music in the backseat (they were 2 and 6 at the time) and him hugging me while I cried about how I felt like when we were out people looked at us like "why is he with her" (I didn't feel like I measured up to him) I was always asking myself 'why does he like me? He could have any girl in this room and yet he's here with me' So to get back on track, one time after we had started talking after a week or so he was on his way back from a business trip and on his way home (or rather to my house) he stopped at target and bought me the Kenny Chesney CD all because of that song, his way of saying 'yea i'm always wishing I was with you when i'm out with someone else'
He was absolutely incredible and made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I'm sitting here smiling at all those memories and how he made me feel, yet i'm crying inside because they are just memories now. So there are a couple songs, sorry for rambling. Please share your songs and stories, I can't wait to read them all.
Lady Antebellum, "Need You Now" - When we first met this song kept popping up. Almost every time I heard it on the radio he would call. And it was something that was very familiar for us. Middle of the night phone calls, etc. It was the first ringtone I had for him, and it was that for a long time. This was the first "Our Song"
Kenny Chesney, "Somewhere With You" - We had a very rough start and there were many little breakups in the beginning, non lasting more than a few weeks. And we both attempted to date other people, but we were always thinking about and comparing everyone to each other. And there was this one night that I had gotten into a big fight with my mom and when I called him, after dark, he came and picked up my son and I with his daughter and the 4 of us went to dinner. I'll never forget the kids bouncing and singing along to music in the backseat (they were 2 and 6 at the time) and him hugging me while I cried about how I felt like when we were out people looked at us like "why is he with her" (I didn't feel like I measured up to him) I was always asking myself 'why does he like me? He could have any girl in this room and yet he's here with me' So to get back on track, one time after we had started talking after a week or so he was on his way back from a business trip and on his way home (or rather to my house) he stopped at target and bought me the Kenny Chesney CD all because of that song, his way of saying 'yea i'm always wishing I was with you when i'm out with someone else'
He was absolutely incredible and made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I'm sitting here smiling at all those memories and how he made me feel, yet i'm crying inside because they are just memories now. So there are a couple songs, sorry for rambling. Please share your songs and stories, I can't wait to read them all.
His ring tone was Second Chance by Shinedown he felt It told a story he related to, it is now my ringtone.
Tim would You Tube the lyrics to songs, he always wanted to know their meaning.
The last concert we went to was Tiger Jam in Las Vegas it featured Kid Rock and Uncle Kracker. I recently searched You Tube for footage from that concert and found a video that someone in our seating area had shot. It showed my Tim for just a few seconds, but what a blessing to see. He was happy rockin out and totally in his element.
Music has been a big part of my healing. My latest obsession besides Kid Rock is Shinedown. When I listen to their lyric I feel they get it.
Hugs, Sandi
Our song was by a old band called Heat Wave, the song is called "Always and Forever" Stevan chose that song as our wedding dance song and it became our signature on cards and notes for each other. He said that he would love me Always & Always, Forever & Ever. I signed every card I ever gave him with that and him to me. I sign off on my journal entries here with it too. And I also wrote it on his urn box that we made, A picture of the cabin and lake and that saying. I have a picture of it on my photo page. It is really the only song we ever related to us but we both enjoyed listening to music as well. This will be a good thread I think, something fun for a change. Peace and Love to you :)
Laurie at 7 months since I lost Stevan.
Gerald
Tracey had written down a number of songs that were important to her that she would like played at her funeral. I always teased her about being so morbid. When she passed, I desperatley searched everywhere for that piece of paper, but couldn't find it, I was heart broken. One day a work colleague returned some things from her office and as I picked up her Filofax, it opened at a page......it was the list. I am convinced she took me to that page.
On the list was 'our song' and in brackets she wrote "dedicated to John" I sat with that Filofax and hugged it. She was so organised, she even wrote down the order of songs......one of which I couldn't play, it was another Van Morrison, about being alone on this road.
At the funeral, it was the final son we played, almost as if she was saying farewell, I was so strong up until that point.
In 8 months, the radio has been silent, I've heard the song not once, but it doesn't matter, I tell her every day I love her, just as we did when she was here in body.
"Fill my heart with gladness,
take away my sadness,
ease my troubles,
that's what you do...."
I read all of your stories, your love stories, your songs, and I enjoyed reading them so much! I love that they didn't make me sad, they actually made me happy, and I hope it made you happy, each of you writing them. They are all so beautiful, so warm.
Ok...lemme see if I can give proper voice to my choices.
I love country music, a lot of the 80's big hair bands (don't laugh at me) lol, but mostly I listen to country. Frank was from FL, not by any stretch of the imagination was he "southern"...lol..I was raised in South GA, every man I'd ever known listened to country and dipped Copenhagen (Frank dipped too, but a redneck he was not). I loved his wonderfully different way of looking at things, his independence..everything about him was WONDERFUL, except...yes there is an exception lol, his choice of music scared me to death! He LOVED heavy metal, weird music where it sounds like Cookie Monster from Sesame Street is screaming in to the microphone! I would always tease him and say "Is THAT what you want to be listening to when Jesus comes back?" I would burst out laughing and he would burst out laughing and then he'd always respond with the same comment, "Baby, don't you worry, Jesus will understand."
Ok, having said that, lol, he tolerated country and listening to it because of his undying love for me (lol).
One day, my daughter who was 10 at the time came running out of her room and asked Frank to come in and listen to a song. They both came out and Jen said 'Mama this song is from Frank to you, its perfect Mama it describes how he feels perfect Mama listen." They found it on the computer, and when it started playing he grabbed my hand (I was sitting at our little desk) and I had a big pregnant belly with our first of four, Belle, and he said "Dance with me Baby". Brad Paisley, "She's Everything". We moved side to side and I cried, everything made me cry I was so so pregnant lol...and my little Jenna stood there watching us. When the song was over, I looked over at her and she wiped away tears. My Jenna doesn't cry, not over just anything. She went to her room and shut the door. No need for words, I could see how she felt and the most special part of that is that SHE was a part of it.
Nickelback's "Far Away".....I loved it and Frank loved Nickelback (one of the few bands we agreed on) and because he worked so so much when we first met, he was always gone working his tail off, I used to hear that song and it reminded me of him, of his cologne for some reason. The song was cool, and to me, Frank was the coolest manly guy I'd ever known. The best part about him was, he didn't know it.
Jason Aldeen and Kelly Clarkson..."Don't you Wanna Stay". We were watching TV and saw them perform it together, I was already in love with the song and Frank looked over at me (remember, he really didn't care for country music) and said, "That's a song that's perfect for us, for the time before we married when we were dating, when you'd leave me or I'd leave your house and we ended up kissing for an hour more." Never again did that song come on that I didn't crank it up and sing along and think of he and I kissing at the door on so many cold nights. A few of them, he managed to get back IN the door, and some nights, he managed to stay. (lol)
One song we loved together, we agreed on completely, way before we married, that perfectly described how we felt about one another was "Unforgettable". He loved it, I loved it, and, even when he lost movement in his left foot due to the cancer in his head, while he still had a TERRIFIC quality of life and was big and strong still and didn't resemble anyone fighting cancer, we danced to that song. Well, we swayed, slowly. He didn't dance, my darling Frank, but sway he did, and that always led to a kiss or two. I realize now looking back, he planned it that way.
Lastly, a song my husband picked that he loved to worship the Lord to, (this was after his love of Heavy Metal faded)...he heard this song once and loved it and I cried. I felt, like many others I'm sure, that this song was explicitly written for my Frankie.
Casting Crowns, " Praise You in This Storm". Ohhhhh what a beautiful wonderful song. The first verse describes perfectly how Frank felt...fighting through cancer, wondering why sometimes we were still battling, yet we were still trusting. It played over the sound system as everyone was exiting the church at Frank's memorial service.
....."I will praise you in this storm, and I will lift my hands, For you are who you are, no matter where I am..every tear I cry...you hold in your hand...you never left my side..and though my heart is torn...I will praise you in this storm."
Praise you Lord.
Thank you for letting me share this...for I have revisited things I haven't thought about in so long.
Love,
Cindy
Cliff would listen to just about anything, and could play so many types of music. He wrote a lot of music, too, and eventually taught me enough so I could accompany him on bass while he played guitar. Neither of us were great singers, so finding lyric material was always a challenge. We did manage a pretty fair rendition of this song, which Cliff loved, which is pretty sultry - PG13 maybe? But what marriage doesn't have its sultry moments?? Anyway, here it is - Peggy Lee (singing much better than I ever could) doing "Fever":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eIDtwcFXcI
Love and Hugs,
Martha
But I had to respond to your comment "why does he like me?" First of all, from the picture (I assume it is you) - you look gorgeous.
And, just making a comment like that shows that you are a caring person who cares a lot about the people you are with.
I don't even know you - and yet I can just by your picture and post that you have a lot to offer anyone - so I hope that does not ever cross your mind again.
Thank you for the post.....nice question......
Our early dating makeout music in the mid 80s was Surrealistic Pillow by Jefferson Airplane. I was born in 1959 and my wife was born in 1951, we remembered the 60s and 70s. She came to my house, I put on the record, we smoked a joint, and enjoyed each other's company.
We picked October 9 for our wedding because it is John Lennon's birthday. She wrote a play about the night John Lennon was shot. It never got produced because I became very sick with Bipolar depression and things fell apart.
I was with Arlene when she died. The doctors told me she was terminal, progressive irreversible organ damage and failure, they weren't sure what was causing it. I was in her room at the hospital, trying to get some work done on my laptop, and the nurse screamed, "Oh my god!" Arlene was vomiting blood. They called the doctor, all he could do was listen to her heartbeat. I put on John Lennon music and I hugged her and told her I love her. A few minutes later the doctor announced "time of death."
(OMG I am bawling.... (-- )
Our daughter was on the way after work, and when she got there, she said she was sorry she missed it. I told her I am happy she did not have to watch her mother die. I cleaned up the blood before she got there. It had been quick and peaceful.
One day during a blizzard, my wife said, "I want to buy every CD by Lou Reed and The Velvet Underground." We walked 10 blocks to Tower Records and bought them all. My wife and daughter used to walk around singing "Satellite of Love" together. We took her to a Lou Reed concert when she was about 6 years old, and she fell asleep; maybe the music was comforting.
I made a playlist for the funeral, and the lunch after with about 20 relatives and friends at Arlene's favorite Mexican restaurant. I cried the whole time I was making it, but it helped me, and everybody remembered her through the music too. Not only the ones I mentioned, she loved Sondheim, and Joni Mitchell, and she shared the musical Rent with our daughter too.
The song that gets to me is one I'm not even sure Arlene knew. It's "According to You" by Orianthi. It reminds me that when I met Arlene, she "got" me, and our relationship was so easy compared to the other women I dated who thought I was a little odd. We were soulmates. The song might come on my mp3 player, and there I am bawling on the bus.
According to you
I'm stupid,
I'm useless,
I can't do anything right.
According to you
I'm difficult,
hard to please,
forever changing my mind.
I'm a mess in a dress,
can't show up on time,
even if it would save my life.
According to you. According to you.
But according to him
I'm beautiful,
incredible,
he can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
so baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not,
according to you.
According to you
I'm boring,
I'm moody,
you can't take me any place.
According to you
I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away.
I'm the girl with the worst attention span;
you're the boy who puts up with that.
According to you. According to you.
But according to him
I'm beautiful,
incredible,
he can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
so baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not,
according to you.
I need to feel appreciated,
like I'm not hated. oh... no...
Why can't you see me through his eyes?
It's too bad you're making me decide.
According to me
you're stupid,
you're useless,
you can't do anything right.
But according to him
I'm beautiful,
incredible,
he can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not,
according to you. (you, you)
According to you. (you, you)
According to you
I'm stupid,
I'm useless,
I can't do anything right.
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