Hi Jojo, I don't have any young kids of my own, but my grandkids took it hard when my husband passed. They try to hold it all in and be strong for me,it's so sad. They are turning 12 and 13 next month. I'll keep you and your daughter in my prayers.
Rachel

Hi Jo,
I am so sorry for your loss. It's good you are here to share and vent.
I too, only have young grandchildren. They still talk about their "Sabby". I love That!!!!!
I know there are some young widows, here who do have older children, I am sure they will puck up on this topic.
Sending you much Love peace and hope.........Sandra

Hi Jo,

I have also have a 13 daughter along with two sons, 8 and 10. My wife just passed in March. It has been a struggle, to say the least, for my daughter. She also has brought up the fact that her mom won't be there for the big life events like graduation, wedding, and to see her grandchildren. It breaks my heart to see the pain she is going through and is hard a times to be there to comfort her since I too am struggling. I wish I had answers to help you get through this, but I don't. Hopefully knowing there are others going through the same things as you and your family are will be of some comfort. Be strong and you will get through this!

Hello Jojo, my husband died November 22, 2014 at the age of 44 while out on his morning run. I have a 13 year old son and a 12 year old daughter. They were both VERY close to their dad. My son and husband attended karate class together and had advanced to second degree black belts as a team, my daughter looked forward to attending the annual father daughter dance with him every year. They adored him; like most kids they looked up to their father and enjoyed every moment with him.

We are currently attending family counseling and I believe it has been helpful. When we first started my son didn't think it was necessary but now he is verbalizing his feelings and thoughts more. My daughter has always been open to counseling and continues to show progress. What I have noticed about my children is they seem to be concerned with how I feel and if I'm ok. Since my husband died I have lost about 25 pounds and they often check to make sure I have eaten. They didn't miss a day of school and their grades did not decline. They have had some tough moments but overall they seem to be doing well considering. We talk a lot about their dad, and I always ask how they are feeling and if they have had any daddy moments. Sometimes the answer is that they are fine other times it is not and we talk about both. I do wonder if they are hurting and just don't want to let me know. If I am having a rough day I let them know and I try not to hide my tears, but I also try not to push my grief on them. I just pray that I am doing what is best for them and helping them process this the best way they can.

Thank you.

Thank you Sandy, we seem very much on par as to how we have chosen to help our children with their grief. My daughter is the same as your children, she has never missed a day of school and she has continued to excel at school. My daughter was incredibly close to her dad, gosh they loved each other and my husband lived for Abbey. I was shocked at first when my daughter did not cry much, I soon realised she was crying silently in her bed at night because she didn't want to add to my "pressure" From that moment on she has never hid her tears, she knows that united we are stronger. Like you we always share our memories of dad, we laugh a lot about his antics, I only had him for 19 years, but Id rather had that then never knowing the beauty that was him. Perhaps in time the children may like to correspond? Pen friends perhaps. I feel that perhaps they may like to know that they are not alone. Kind Regards Jo

I am so sorry for all of the young parents who must grieve along with having to help the children get through their grief. it must be very painful. I have at least gotten to my senior years and had the good fortune to have my husband there to help get the family raised.
I will keep you in my prayers that life will be much kinder to you in the future and that you will once again find things to smile about. Hugs, D

i have a 5yr old and 19month old.my 5yr old up to date is struggling with her father's death and to make matters worse,she never got to attend her dad's funeral!!i have realised that if i have alone time with her for cuddles and just fun,she feels a bit better and sometimes tells me that she knows daddy isn't coming back but at least she has me!!i pray a lot as we as widows and widowers need to get our strength from somewhere!!it'll get better..

My only experience is with the grandkids, who had a grandmother that was a tight as tight could be. Best advice I got was from a neighbor friend who told me, It's okay for them to see Grandpa cry". So I was open about it. The 11 year old grandson hasn't wanted to talk about it, says he's okay and doesnt' have any questions. The 3 year old understood right away that Gramma is in heaven with Jesus, and went bouncing off to play. But our 6 year old granddaughter, she had lots of good questions, and we talked a good long time. The process actually was a help to me. Speaking from my childhood, the worst thing that can happen is not to talk about it, and cause the child to bury it. It will mess you up later in life. Been there. Done that. ~ Scott

My husband died of cancer 3.5 years ago at age 45. At the time my daughters were ages 9,4,2 so I know all about the struggles of facing this new, unexpected, unplanned role in life. My area had a lot of support systems for grieving children so they are doing well.

Take good care of yourself.

Antonella

My kids are 24,21, and 18. We lost my husband 9 months ago at the age of 44. Its been so hard. My older two don't talk much about things but I know they miss there dad terribly. It is coming to Fair season and that was when they spent the most time bonding so lately has been very hard. They try to be strong and I wish most times they wouldn't. I feel as though I'm not helping. My youngest son openly struggles and its so hard to know what to say or do to help him. He is not open to counseling at all so its not an option. He worries about his dad not being here for big events and he doesn't want to attend any because of that fact. I talk alot about my husband and we include him in what we are doing with a memory and that seems to help. My son cares for the grounds around the headstone which is something he asked to do. I have learned that I have a hard time helping him since I can't really help myself. I continue to let them know I'm always here to talk no matter what I'm doing.

Hi, I am 46 and have 3 daughters 16, 13, & 10. Wow, parenting alone is so much harder than I had ever thought it would be. Going on 8 months. I can't believe all of the decisions I am going to have to make alone. Teaching my 16 year old to drive, thinking about college. Breaks my heart that my hubby is not here to help me navigate though all this. He is the only one in the whole world that loves these girls as much as me. Some days I honestly don't know how I am going to do this alone.

I am 44, my husband of 49 died on January 1st, leaving me and our 15 and 7 year old behind. It has taken us a full year to adjust to learning to take care of ourselves (he was hit by a car a year ago, went through a coma, was coming around, only to pass away at the beginning of the year).
Surprisingly, our 7 year old, who spent TONS of time with him (a stay-at-home dad) has only had a moment or so of sadness (he never saw him again after he was hit as the hospital didn't allow small children on the ward). But I know he must miss him terribly, he so spoiled/doted on him.
Our 15 year old, already being at a great age for trouble, has gotten into plenty of it, I think mostly because his adult male role model was gone.
So anyway, know how tough it is, living it still. . .

I'm almost 52 and my kids were 10 and 12 when their dad died 2 1/2 years ago. He had been sick for 7 years, and very ill for the last 3, so had already started pulling himself away from them. What I did find with my two was that they acted out a lot more, made poor decisions (like my son deciding to skip going to an exam), things like that. I enlisted the help of their schools' counsellors, district psychologists and social workers. All that really helped - they were my eyes and ears when I couldn't be there.
We've talked about significant events - and I shared with them things I heard of, little ceremonies, where the person was remembered and appreciated. For instance, friends of ours in Australia had a daughter marry not long after Rob died. They had lost 3 significant people in the last couple of years. So at the wedding, then had photos of each set up on a table, placed candles at each one, then the couple lit the candles before the ceremony started. It was symbolic that their spirits were there with them, when they could not be. I was very touched by what they did.
When we lost our infant son in 1991, we made a donation of a toy to our local children's hospital that was age-appropriate for his age, every Christmas. Chris would have been 24 this past Christmas, but I still send a donation each year in his memory.
Finding little rituals like that seems to help the kids. I've encouraged them to 'talk' to him - even if it's just in their thoughts. And of course, to talk to me... whenever, wherever, about whatever.