Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
You ever wonder what if the shoe was on the other foot? You died first instead of your spouse. Could they handle this? Where would they be at your stage of life? What would they do to survive? Ive been wondering this for the past few days, dont know why. I know my husband was so dependent on me that I truly believe hed be in a bigger mess than me right now.
He never cooked a day in his life, so Im sure all food would be take out. He never went to the grocery store alone, never washed a load of laundry during our marriage, never wrote a check in 25 years, didnt know where all the different banking accounts were located, doesnt know the dogs medicine and what to give them, didnt know how to turn on a computer let alone get on line, didnt know where all the legal papers were or life insurance policies. Always had issues with Dish TV and the remote, had to leave work to get it reset many times. I just wonder.
Would he have found someone else by now so she would continue doing these things? Would he have sold the house I so love? Would he have kept the 3.5 acres in the shape I am?
Its been a rough road but Im doing the best I can with the tools I have. Hugs Arlene
He never cooked a day in his life, so Im sure all food would be take out. He never went to the grocery store alone, never washed a load of laundry during our marriage, never wrote a check in 25 years, didnt know where all the different banking accounts were located, doesnt know the dogs medicine and what to give them, didnt know how to turn on a computer let alone get on line, didnt know where all the legal papers were or life insurance policies. Always had issues with Dish TV and the remote, had to leave work to get it reset many times. I just wonder.
Would he have found someone else by now so she would continue doing these things? Would he have sold the house I so love? Would he have kept the 3.5 acres in the shape I am?
Its been a rough road but Im doing the best I can with the tools I have. Hugs Arlene
In my line of work, I have had to travel and live alone for long periods before. She also had to take care of everything while I was gone. So we were both capable of surviving alone, but we definitely preferred to live together.
Cooking and cleaning is no big deal at all. I really loved her food, but I'm capable of cooking real meals--not just canned stuff or take out. She just wouldn't let me in the kitchen while she lived--that was her domain. As just one person, my biggest challenge is making meals small enough so I don't end up eating the same thing for three days straight. Laundry for one person is easy and not time consuming.
Friends are a different matter entirely. We live far from family, and my wife was my only real friend. I have coworkers and acquaintances of course, but if I had free time, I preferred to spend it with my wife. So even though I'm fully capable of taking care of myself, I'm really isolated.
That's where this forum comes into play. I'm having to go through all of this alone, but I know others are experiencing similar things. Being able to share helps me.
All of our insurance policy's were on me because honestly I have always been the sick one. We prepared everything for me to be gone so she could continue to take care of the kids.
Unfortunately plans do not work out the way they are planned. So I have learned what all she did do here at home and I have learned how much I did depend on her. Now I work all day come home and try to clean all night because the kids won't do crap to help and I don't have enough energy left in me to get upset at them. So life just keeps moving on now.