Arlene...there are actually some of us men who venture into the kitchen to cook for ourselves.
Fasten your seat belt, because this is gonna scare you.
I vaguely remember what it was like being a bachelor, back in another lifetime...spaghetti is pretty cheap, and if you make a pot-full of it you can keep it in the refrigerator in bulk and use it as needed...all the different flavors of canned soup there are gives you a wide variety of what you can put on that spaghetti (my personal favorite was cream-of-mushroom)...but if it starts smellin' kinda ripe, you better try to remember how long it's been since you first cooked it (Spaghetti, less than a week)...same thing if you make egg salad in bulk, but it'll go alot quicker.
32 years with my country angel who could spend $3 and cook something delicious for a family, I've learned some things.
I have learned that peanut butter does not have to be refrigerated and can last almost forever.
I better stop...this is scaring ME!

I miss my Donald very much but it was better that I was the one left behind. He was strong but in this I am stronger. He was a widower when we met. He was filled with remorse and regrets. A few years into our relationship I had a health scare and he went to pieces thinking I would die. I recovered without a problem but I realized at that time that my rock of a man had a few cracks in him. I was always very protective of him and I think God knew he had better not take me first or he was going to hear about it from me! I feel blessed that I was able to be there for him all the way up to the end. I hope, no, I know I eased his passing. That's what you do when you love someone.
By the way eighty8, you do have to refrigerate peanut butter if it doesn't have preservatives.

Hmm Ajm,,,I think we married the same man.

Arlene, wonder no more. I am that man. My Love and I were together for over 44 years and she took care of everything.
To say I,m lost would be an understatement, I don;t know how to cook, I don;t know how to do laundry, and I'm just learning about paying bills.
I am terrified, I am lonely, and my girl isn't here to help me, that's the reality I live with.
As far as the house goes. My brother said I should move to North Carolina where the weather is great and there is so much to do, but this was her dream house and I can never leave here. To leave this home would be leaving her, and I don't ever want to do that.
I hope you find peace.
Many hugs:
Joe

There is no doubt in my mind that my husband would have been one those widowers that married one year later after my untimely demise. Not because of domestic stuff,but because he simply loved the company of women. He had it all, too--looks, brains, humor, and integrity. Come to think of it, I am pretty sure I know who he would have married and I approve.

Hi Arlene, You're post made me raise my hand and say, Me! Me! Some of what you wrote painted me as that other foot. Let's see, Yes, I also was totally dependent upon Juanita. I never realized it, or if I did, never would have admitted it, but now I am fully aware of just how much she did for me. I think it was about a year before we married that I started eating all my meals at Juanita's, and then never cooked a single meal (other than the manly job of barbequeing) for nearly 30 years until she was too sick to cook, and then I heated soup but I can't call that cooking. So you know, now I survive on fast food. Until she could no longer go, I also never went to the grocery store alone, most of the time she would go by herself, a few times, I would go. In our later years, I enjoyed more and more just hanging out with her. I never did any laundry -- even to the point she died, I don't know how she did it, but she did. Two weeks before she died, she was too weak to carry the laundry, so I did, but she still folded it, then I would carry the folded clothes to the bed, and she would put the clothes away. I'd offer, and she would say, That's okay, I'll do it. And Juanita handled the household finances as well. She did a great job, and I was absolutely lost when she died. I didn't have a clue what we paid and it was overwhelming to me. I did though know where we banked, but their rules required the account be closed within 45 days and a new one set up in just my name. I found that one out before she died, didn't have the heart to tell her that. We didn't have a dog, so no problems there. I was the geek, she would not turn on a computer or get online, so no problem for me there. As an attorney, I had drafted the legal papers and yes, I did know where they were. She was the TV watcher. That was too big a trigger for me, so I canceled CATV right after she died. So I haven't watched TV for over 10 months now. I also cancelled the newspapers, and so I've been in a news blackout this whole time. I just haven't had the energy to keep up on things I can do nothing about. And frankly, I've enjoyed not knowing. Our yard went to hell -- she had done all the weeding and I could not bring myself to touch her flower beds that first summer -- barely kept everything watered just to try and keep it alive for "next" year when I felt better. So we'll see if I can bring our backyard sanctuary back this Spring and summer. I hope so, we found so much peace and tranquility together back there. And 10 months in, No, I haven't found anyone else and find myself more and more getting used to living alone. But I would have easily married any woman that gave me the time of day in my first 4 or 5 months as an ill-fated attempt to avoid the pain and loneliness. And I still live in our home, her parents home that has been in the family since 1965. Eight kids and I'm the one that owns it now. Ironic. Seems we were the only ones that wanted the house so we bought it from the brother that had inherited it. Seems like me and this house somehow belong together. I can't speak for acreage, but as I have said, I let our small yard go to hell in hand basket last year. Always had the best groomed nicest yard in our neighborhood for 30 years. And I let it become the neighborhood eyesore. Now, we had no life insurance and very little savings, but we lived well and our last years were prosperous so I am thankful she didn't have any unfulfilled wants. Had I been the one that died, financially she would have had barely enough to get by. So I am glad she also didn't have to worry about that. Me, I'm okay as long as I can keep working. I've got a good job that provides me with more than enough. And so Arlene, there you have it. I may not be a perfect fit of that other shoe, but perhaps I've given you some idea. In my heart of hearts I know that Juanita would have endured this far better than I have been. But then, she was one tough brood. Me, I'm just a wussy. But I would never have wished this shoe on her nor even my worst enemy. So I guess in a way I am finally doing something for her. I am glad she went home first. ~~~ Scottie

I think Ken would be doing just the same. I don't think he would have moved on to any other woman but if he had she would be the luckest lady in the world to have him. He was more active than I and would be doting on our children and grands and greatgrands they were his life.
Believe he would be in our home though not sell it doing some of the renos he wanted to do plus his craft woodworking.

Forgot to add that the last few years Kenny had to take on all the cooking. In the 38 years we were married before he passed I never cooked a Turkey dinner he even made dinner rolls from scratch. I never cooked a ham he did it and made the most wonderful pineapple sauce. He bake everything banana loves, cakescookies pies. Pots of chilli, soups sauces so I would never have had to worry.
He did our laundry. I'm only 4ft 8 in couldn't reach .

Arlene while laying in bed, trying to get my left hip feelling better, and trying to get some rest so my laryngitis goes away. I was thinking this same exact thing. I think my sean wouldve had a very rough time of it, as our oldest, would end up having to take over the finances, etc.. cleaning etc.. Sean was just a workaholic, so he would end up doing that worse than he was before he passed. I do think the guys would of ended up egging him on, to meet someone, and date. I really think when sean told me he would never meet anyone else, and that he never though in a million years he would have found his true love in me, that he was being truthful at the time he said it. But as we all know, those lonely days, and nights, wear on us all, and then doing everything alone, is also tedious. I do believe eventually he might have dated someone, but I really do believe he wouldve never married again. I know our oldest would definetely have a say so on that one, lol. I do know this, that sean, would want me to be happy again, not worry, and enjoy, and relax and do things that I loved doing. He would want me to no spend my life alone miserable, and not having anyone around or do things with. I'm just not there, and not sure I ever will be. I do know I have accepted that he is gone and will never come back, but in my heart, my soul is still connected with him, and don't think that will ever change. Much love and big hugs carla

I actually discussed this with my BFF, and said (if I can get through this) I will probably do better than my husband. He was a loner; I have a good support network of friends to call me, and me to call them. Right now in the beginning that's a goldmine of support.

I actually said - I'll take one for the team. And y'all know what that means. We all have our areas where we excel, and currently I'm trying to excel in paying people to take care of all of the outside yard stuff. But I did the financial stuff, so I know about that, and caring for the inside of the house (unless there's a dreaded plumbing leak, scary!). That's what a partnership is, whether you are legally married or not.

We didn't have a choice in this, but sometimes it is interesting to ponder what our partner would have done, and how our partner would have gone on.

Such a huge new normal...

Ted's two oldest children would have kept him busy. Staying on and off with them. His oldest daughter travels a lot, and I know she would have insisted on him taking some trips with her. His son got the horse gene, breeds, trains, buys and sells, and they enjoyed all that goes with horses. Ted actually did a majority of the cooking since I still worked. He also took care of so many things and would have had a lot to offer but I am not sure that he would have had another relationship. I would have wanted him to do whatever he needed and to be happy just as he would have wanted for me. Arlene, you are so right on how rough this road is and I do wonder about this damn road trip we are on and if the directions I am taking. Mary

I thought a lot about this after Don died. There were times I thought I was glad he didn't have to go through what I was dealing with. I remember the time I was hospitalized for back surgery and our friends and neighbors told me how lost he was. Truthfully he was as strong as can be and as gentle as you can imagine. He would have struggled through just like I do. As far as being alone, someone would be sure to fall in love with him and they would have my blessings. Sharon

I still think about this subject. My husband was as handy as they come. Anything mechanical was his thing. Cars, engines, semi trucks, derby cars ect. Loved it all. He loved take out but also loved home cooked. He would have struggled with financial stuff like bank accounts, legal paperwork ect. He had no interest in learning that so I handled it ( had to keep my ace in the hole) It made me feel needed. He was able to cook but pretended he wasn't. I never fell for it but I went along. He was abused by his parents as a child and teen so I'm not sure he would have been ok being alone. I'm not ok being alone.... My family loved him so he would have stayed near them I think. Our boys would have helped him but the nights and empty house would have affected him. He would have missed my nagging questions :)

My husband could (and would) cook, clean and take care of the things around the house. Because of our work schedules and travel associated with work for both of us, early on we worked this out. Nevertheless, there were friends and family that were amazed that he could actually cook for himself and not starve when I was gone!

If I had gone first, I know that he could very well take care of himself. If he would have found someone to share his life, that would have been fine. No one should have to be lonely.

Any doubts about how Cliff would have done if he was the one left behind were erased when our two sons told me point blank that they "would have been screwed" if I had died first. Cliff was a loving father, but he had no common sense. He couldn't manage money. He couldn't manage his time. He couldn't manage the house, the kids, or his health. He was abrilliant guiy who never fully grew up. I used to tease him that I felt more like Fred McMurray because with him and our two boys it felt a lot like "My Three Sons" instead of just the two boys. And with no Uncle Charlie to help out....

My personal feeling about it is that he would have done one of two things: either he would have relapsed and gone back to being a drinking alcoholic (he had been clean and sober 20 years) and ended up dead that way, or he would have married the first woman who put the moves on him because he couldn't cope. God only knows what would have happened to our kids. Probably my sisters would have had to intervene for them.

So me being the one left behind is a definitely the last parting gift I could give him. He was a brilliant and creative genius - but no real life skills. He was like that other Fred McMurray character - the Absent-minded Professor - brilliant but not able to look after himself.

Unfortunately, that's not a whole lot of consolation for being the one left to pick up the pieces, and some days I am still pretty danged pissed off about that.....

Love and Hugs,
Martha