I moved back to my hometown which is 3x smaller than where hubby and I lived and it's so much better! Nobody knows about me unless I tell them; I've been here since March 1st and nobody knows about me except for the apartment manager and one neighbor. So maybe moving would be beneficial!

All those feelings are normal and part of this grieving rollercoaster. You always have to remember though that you ARE somebody! You are NOT a pile of poo. And you have to stop beating yourself up about your DH passing. I used to do that too and ask all the "what ifs" and that gets us nowhere but staying hopeless and sad.

Have you tried counseling if you're not already going? I had to get on meds because I had to not fall apart because I had our baby to take care of! Don't be ashamed/embarrassed if you need counseling and/or meds. You have to do what you have to do! Also the counseling and/or meds aren't going to work if there are toxic people continuing to throw salt in your wound. You can do this! Sending big hugs!

A new beginning away from the pain you feel now sounds great ,but your thoughts and memories go with you.

I Love you all :)

Since losing my husband almost five months ago, the most common thread that I have heard from others who are grieving is to want to run away, change the scenery, start over and we are all desiring that because we hope that wherever we land , the pain will be less. In the brief time since I lost my husband , I did go away for a month. I needed to hide from everyone that I knew because I was afraid that if they saw me , or mentioned him and that my heart would explode. Like many others , I also struggled as to what to do with his things. There were days when I wanted to put everything in bags and donate it and then the next day I knew that I couldn't part with anything because if I had I would have wanted it back two seconds later. I am learning to sit with my grief and with the pain and there have been some days where I have been able to go through a box here or a closet there and have been able to box up the things that I know I will absolutely want to keep. Going away taught me that my grief goes wherever I am and a different setting did little to ease it. With that said, it doesn't mean that I didn't sob uncontrollably or have to stop some days and crawl back into bed with my dogs. My husband lived in my heart and in every breath I took. How can any of us know who we are when we lose that ? Also please know that no matter how we lose someone that guilt is something we all feel. Instead of remembering all the good we did in our relationships we get stuck on the one day when we were bitchy ten years ago. Your husband fell, it wasn't your fault. My husband died of cancer and it wasn't my fault. Please find some supports for yourself and really think through your decisions before you make them. Hugs, laura

I so agree with Laura's comments above.
I have been on the verge several times to put the house on the market and just sell up.........but as Laura said grief only goes with you.
Love is such a strong emotion that when you lose the love of your life grief will overshadow everything. I have been told "you will get over it in time"........no, I will not, but maybe I (and you) will learn to walk alongside it in the weeks to come.
I started today with crying......but now talking to some of you on here feel more positive.
We all need to take care of ourselves during these next few days, take time to grieve our loved ones, take time to honour our memories of them and breathe xxxxxx

These kind words on here helps me more then you know...I take a little weed here and there now and it helps but i know i have to get things done. Then i can look at my future...maybe thats why i havent got my taxes done yet..am trying to see my new "home" as a place i will live in with windows and not a dreary place..What to do..Where..and When..i am trying to make my self see happiness..if i had an interest in something that would help. Do any of you have interests?

Laura is absolutely correct.. I also felt the need to remove everything that holds memories.. Doesn't work.. Her personal items are still her.. one thing at a time is manageable.. But i'll never remove every thing physical or of value to the spirit of her.. The need to have done so five months ago was almost over-powering.... almost.. I've decided to just let time tell me when i can loosen my grip on this or that...and if i can't. then that is ok now...