There is no "right or wrong" on this journey . . . don't question your feelings too much right now. It is natural to miss the beloved when they are gone and totally natural to want to find a replacement. We all talk about it whether it's soon after or five years down the path. Personally, I don't think a month is long enough to fully grieve and you are very vulnerable right now. The choices you might make could come from desperation, and those are rarely wise choices. Give yourself some time to heal, stay with the pain and the loneliness . . therein lies growth and healing. You'll know when you are truly ready to move on as a "whole" person and not simply a shell that needs to fill a void. I know it is painful . . . it is lonely . . .it is heartbreaking. These feelings will ease with time. Big hug to you, Dayna

After 8.5 months my emotions are still all over the place, as is my judgment. Things are a bit better than the very early days though, and I think my balance and sense of purpose is slowly returning.
You are definitely not a bad person for having feelings. I suspect we all cast around for a new direction and stability when we are cast adrift. No need for guilt, you've not done anything wrong. The only advice I would give from my experience is don't do anything hasty that can't be undone. Take your time. And use this site to write out your feelings and gain some support and perspective from others who understand. Warm wishes. Sandy

Danielle, first of all I would like to applaud you for being so candid. Thank you. I too think you should give yourself time to heal and you would know when that time is right.
|As I was taught when I was younger. Feelings are neither good nor bad it is what we do with those feelings that is important.
We are all human Danielle and I am sure all of us on DS shares what you are going through.
Big hug to you and your daughter.

Your feeling are your feelings. Not bad or wrong, loneliness and despair are not pleasant companions. Yearning to have someone special is normal. But you need to be careful; you are vulnerable and hurt, it could be easy to be taken advantage of. You have had some good advice given on finding yourself. I started dating about two years after my husband's death. By that time I had started creating a new life full of friends, family and new experiences. But it was not out of despair or loneliness, it was because I found someone who clicked. Someone who made me laugh, think and feel safe. So take your time, don't beat yourself up, and find out what you truly want.
Hugs!
Valerie

Hello Danielle I can understand your feelings. You have a hole inside you.. You want it filled. I feel the same way. You most certainly are not bad. But you are vulnerable. Don't move to quickly. I would say stay with current friends and activities. They are the bandage over your wound.

Guy

You are not a bad person. I have felt the same way and have the same guilt. My wife and I held hands all the time..we hugged often..my absolute favorite thing was when we would watch tv in bed, i would lie further down on the bed so she could reach my head with her hands, and she would play with my hair..we all miss the touch of our loved one and want to "feel" someone next to us again

Damn it..thought the numbness had come back today, but these tears are telling me different....

Danielle, I understand your feelings and you are being hit hard by the grief monster. You may think you need someone, but do you really want someone? There is a huge difference. At where you are right now with a baby, you have what I call raging hormones. It happens after birth. Be cool and work on letting this pass before you end up doing something you will regret later because you were not thinking clearly.

Maggie

Thank you all so much for your advice and thoughts. They are extremely helpful. I know that it hasn't been long enough for me to full grieve or work through all my emotions. I know I am just longing for something I have lost. It's so awesome to be able. To come on here and just let all out without any judgement. It's real incredible and you all are awesome people. Thank you all so much.

Feelings aren't wrong or right, they just are! Thoughts, on the other hand can be wrong or right!

I can't say I want to find a "replacement" however, I would love it if Morey would just come back!!!!

How do you give yourself, wholly and entirely to one person and then be expected to just move-on?

I think your longing comes from the habit of belonging! I loved belonging to someone and I miss that so much!

Hang on, it's a rough ride,
Roz

Not only are you dealing with the intense roller coaster ride of grieve but you are also a fairly new mom with a body who has gone through hormonal changes in the last few months as a new mom. You will have conflicting emotions to the point where you may not know if you are going or coming. While everyone grieves differently , grieving still needs to happen and usually the advice to wait a year before major decisions is a sound one. I remember early on how adamant I was that I would not have anyone else in my life, then 10 months later being lonely and looking at dating sites only to feel guilty afterwards . The second year brought with it a much better understanding of who I was a person and the acceptance that one day I may have someone else in my life but it would be for the right reasons and not because I needed someone in my life.

I honestly think it is just being used to belonging to someone. I guess after being taking for four years it's very new and lonely to be single. I'm so happy that you all have posted your thoughts and advice. Thank you so much. If any of you would like to be friends please add me.

every thing has been said I waited too long.because son was ill. did any one have trouble wtih anger

Danielle I'm sorry you lost you fianc. I don't think you are a bad person at all; I think you're wise to seek out some advice on your feelings because they can be pretty complex. About all I can offer is that you listen to your "inner voice" since your heart is hurting and may not be your best compass at this time.