Newroads.
All the time. But I have to admit that I am glad that she did not have to go through this grief stuff. I never wanted her to even have a bad day much less a total destruction of our lives and plans. Rene' was my passion and purpose in this life.

Peace to you,
Dave

Think that thought is natural to all us on this journey. My husband was never sick. So active and outgoing. But I would not want him to feel one moment of this grief pain. Why we are here and they are not guess we will not know till our day comes.
Cie

I don't know if Rudy could have endured this had I been the one to go first. I love him so much I wouldn't wish this pain on him. I wonder about this and how he would do but God knew I was the stronger one, perhaps this is my test of faith in life...who knows?

I have thought of this many times. My husband was killed in an accident...and I use to think all the time why couldnt it have been me instead of him... But I know God has a plan here....I love my husband so much that I would never wish this pain on him. He loved me so much...and I dont know how he would have made it. So as much I hate this never ending grief...I would rather it be me to feel this pain....not him.... Blessings to you...Debbie :)

The old clich is always I would have gladly traded places but then I thought would I have wished this pain on my Lil Bear? No, I wouldnt have and I am not sure how she would have done, I saw how much pain she went through when her mom and then her younger brother passed away. I am not sure she would have handled my passing.

I am not strong but perhaps I was better able to handle this amount of trauma so thats why I was chosen. OR perhaps it is just random, who knows?

We all do our best to move forward into this new life.

Hugs. Pete-

I know my Phil could not have handled this had things been reversed. He was strong but very dependent on me. I AM strong and while that doesn't make it easier I do realize that God is in control not me! The day after Phil died I read a note that said "no person lives one day more or less than God intends" so how can I argue with that? It is so hard sometimes but when I feel overwhelmed I remember that little note and it seems to help! Sandy

I think that thought goes through all of our minds, especially, at first. Occasionally it takes time to realize that God does have a plan ~~ that we don't understand completely.
My dtr said that her daddy would have lost it completely if it had been the other way around. She knows she would have had to do everything for him ~~ I did all the cooking, laundry, paying bills, and he hated to stay by himself. When I was gone somewhere for a night and he was home, he really hated it. He always said he didn't know how I could stand to stay at home by myself when he was on the road. I adjusted to it after all the kids had moved out. He declared he could never do that, and always said he WOULD go first. Well, he did. Anyway, I know God holds me in His hand and I just want to make the best of the rest of my days here.

Hugs, Joely

Looking back I think I can handle this grief thing better than Sherm would have. He always put me and the kids first and would have really fallen apart if he believed he had failed me. I'd much rather neither one of us had to walk this bumpy road.

My husband was always a man of God. I know he is happy with the lord. I thank God he was merciful towards my husband. He always said its great for the one that passes away and goes to Heaven but it sucks for the ones that are left behind. Oh so true! I would not wish this pain on him or anyone for that matter. Grief is the worst pain anyone can go through. I dont even know how we survive it. Edie

The fact that I think it should have been me went through my mind a lot and still does at times.
My wife was 10 years younger than me and was an amazing cook.
My kids are grown but I think they would have been would have been better with their mom, since I don't cook and it would probably have been easier for my wife to move on.
I made sure that if anything happened to me my family would be ok moneywise and would be comfortable.
I know it seems selfish when you deal with the grief aspect and I do believe in God but I don't understand why I'm still here and she had to be the one to go first.

I wondered too. Our sons told me that if it had been me to go first that Cliff would never have been able to handle it and they would have been "screwed" (their term not mine). I don't know, sometimes Cliff was a total mush-ball, but his spirit was so strong, I just do not know how he would have fared. I sacrificed everything for him, and would have given my life for his if there had been a choice. Accepting that the decision as to who goes first was not mine to make was easy on one level, but oh so very hard on another.

There are many, many answers to the "why" questions, but which answers are the right ones - who knows? And they unfold over time - do not expect fast and easy answers right away. It is best, I think, to try and put the why questions to one side. Glimpses of truth come with the passage of time and the rebuilding of your life. At least, that's been my experience.

Hope you have a better day today. Love and Hugs, Martha

Well, since my husband was 30 years older than i , i guess most people assumed he would go first. I think i assumed (Nieve of course) we would go together forever. I really never thought of life without him. This has caused me to question deeper, the whole 'Why we live and die" aspect of faith. But only God knows the reasons and the plan. Guess i will know when its my time.

I don't think Marty would have faired very well throug hsomething so tough. He wasn't one to reach out for support. I think he would have just privately sunk into a deep depression and become a loner.. I am glad he didn't have to go through losing me. I believe we are handed in life what we were meant to handle and this he would not have..
Hugs

I think Rich would have handled this better. He was very outgoing and I think would have reached out for help and support right away. he was the "fix-it" man - our kids could always depend on him to be there to help with anything.So he would have found a way to reach out and give back to people. I drew back into my shell and it has taken months to admit I need to ask for help. Maybe that's why I'm still here - I needed to learn some things before I die. Besides I would never want him to go through this pain.
Linda

All the time too, looking for an answer that I'll never find either.