Your heartbreak is collateral damage from a love that was deep and rich. I am so sorry that you are having to experience the worst days of your life. When I went back to work, I remember that I could barely make it to the car when 5:00 rolled around before the tears flowedfiercely! I, too, dreaded entrance into an empty house. I hated the silence that I knew would be my companion for the evening. That will get better with time, really it will, as you find new activities and friends to help the evenings pass more quickly.

Please know that you will be cared for and encouraged by the DS members as you take each day as it comes, making progress even if it isn't visible by you. Hold on, it's a bumpy road, but one that can be navigated in due time. Please keep us in the loop as you make headway in this most difficult of journeys. TJ

I share your grief and pain. I've been coming home to an empty house 1 year. At first when I would go out I would leave the TV on as I did not want to come into an empty and quiet house. I've gotten past that with he help of God, family and friends. My wife's absence overwhelms me sometimes and I don't think I want to get to the point that it doesn't. There are questions without answers. Either my pain has gotten less or I have learned to deal with it better. From all the books I have read about grief and pain the one thing which stand our that there are no normals. No check list or steps to go through. We are different people except for this one experience and we all live through it in an individual way. Keep talking and by all means cry. I still do.

I am so sorry for all the pain that you are feeling. I totally relate to it. Today I came home to an empty house. It seems so cold without him here, even though I have the heat set high. It is so empty and quiet. Eating dinner alone is hard, because he always used to have dinner ready when I got home. He would time it so that the minute I walked through the door, it would be ready. He was always so considerate.

I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but because I am in the exact same shoes as you (at nearly 5 months) I know that nothing I say can take away your pain. But one thing I have heard from others on this site, is that one day the pain will ease. For now, that is all I can hope for.

Wishing you strength and comfort, my friend.

All I can say is that you are not alone. I wish I had words to comfort you but grief will have it's day and it takes as long as it takes. I keep telling myself over and over "one day at a time". Some days it helps.

AT 4 months, I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. I cried and cried and cried. I'd hold it together for an hour at work and then whammo! A grief burst would hit me and I'd lose it. I didn't see how I could possibly go on living without Cliff. But I knew I had to. Yes, your old life is over and that is one of the worst things to face. I had 30 years with Cliff - his history was MY history too! And we did everything together too. I couldn't even face the supermarket alone for weeks. I couldn't stand eating at the table with his chair empty and neither could my sons. We were a very close-knit family and everything had changed in moments.

What you are feeling is normal. It will ease with time as you begin, tiny baby step by baby step, to create a new life. You won't want to - I understand that completely - I didn't want to - none of us wants to. But gradually you will find the strength and courage within you to start forging ahead. All the lessons your husband taught you about living and strength and love will come in handy. He wanted you to be happy. In time, you will find pieces of happiness - it won't be as complete as when he was here - but you will find them.

Don't give up. Wishing you better days and nights. Love and Hugs, Martha

I feel your pain Marie. It has been almost 10 months for me and I too come home to an empty house after work every night. I used to just close all the shades and sit in the dark and cry but I do have to say that it has gotten a little bit better for me with time. I don't like it but I have to go on as I know that my husband would want me to. I know I will never forget him and our time together even though it was way to short. I now just try to remember all the great memories we made. It will take some time for you but it sounds like you are doing all the right things to help you. . I felt all the same emotions that you are going through and I also go to therapy and bereavement counseling and it has helped me immensely. I still cry and it actually makes me feel better, so hang in there! It will get better with lots of time. Take Care!

Marie, It has been 4 months for me also. Yes..this hurts & I understand. I went to the grocery store the other day & was at the meat section when all of sudden, I saw a package of really thick pork chops. I burst into sobs at the store..thinking my husband would have loved those thick pork chops. It was a good thing my adult son was with me as he scooted me out. I have decided to wear my sunglasses in stores now. We were married 35 years & everything reminds me of him. Now, the holidays are coming..only by the grace of God will we get thru this. I find that if I leave on music or the tv..this helps some.

I posted a note yesterday. I want to share this with you. I started yet another book but this one seems different and talks about a lot of the way I feel. The title is "Reflections of a Grieving Spouse" written by H. Norman Wright 4 months after his wife died. Its different as it requires one to read a little and then write down thoughts and emotions. I know nothing can take the pain away. Some say time will but I cannot see that from where I am now. Just a thought. CurtF

@CynthiaDale - You're not alone. I lost it in the avocadoes on the produce aisle. Cliff always made a big deal about picking out just the right one. People around me must have thought I was nuts sobbing with avocadoes in my hands. Hugs....

When I leave the house, I always let either the TV or the radio on so that when I return home, there is some noise. The extreme quiet of the empty house is so upsetting. I also know that my dog is anxiously awaiting my arrival and that helps a lot.

I hate coming home to an empty house too. My husband was a light sleeper and always got up to talk to me. He was always so happy to see me. He would make us a cup of tea and we would just sit and talk. We'd tell each other about our day and always share lots of laughs. There was no one I would rather spend time with and I know he considered me his best friend. Every evening he would come home so happy and yell out,"Hi Honey, I'm home" I am blessed with good family and friends but it's just not the same. Some days I just have to sit in my car and cry for awhile before coming in the house because I know he's not there and everytime I open that door the cold hard reality hits me hard. Everywhere I go somethings not quite right-somethings missing-Him. I hardly ever drink tea anymore. I started drinking coffee for the first time after David died. I wonder if this is because David was always making me tea and everytime I drink it I think of how he brought me up a cup the day he died. And my sister-in-law said, "You're so lucky David is always so nice to you" And then we all had a laugh because she turned to her husband (Davids brother) and said," Why can't you be more like your brother you blankety blank!"

I'm sorry for all you are going through. Believe me, I know exactly how you feel. My husband passed away on September 29, 2009. We were married for 26 years and I miss him incredibly. I've made an appointment to begin grief therapy too...I hope it will help me but not sure it will. People keep saying that time will heal. Perhaps they're right. In the meanwhile, let's try support each other as best we can. Hugs, Donna

I go through the day alone, no one to talk to. My husband and I went everywhere together since I stopped working 9/08. He had been sick with cirrhosis since March. It has only been 2 weeks and I cry all the time.
I look over to the sofa and expect him to be sleeping where he spent a lot of his time.
I also lost my mother yesterday. She was 93.
At least I have my adult children and grandchildren living with me, so I am not so bad in the evening when they are home.

Denise

It has been almost 2 months since my husband passed away and I am finding that coming home after work is the hardest thing for me too. I have 4 cats that need attention as soon as I get home, but after that they go off to their sleeping areas and sleep. I try to get busy and just don't have the will power to do anything. TV doesn't interest me, sometimes not even the computer. I'm so lonely. I always told my husband I would never re-marry but he would tell me he wanted me to and that I should go on. I think I'm moving ahead with my life, then I find myself bursting into tears again. I was driving up to my Mom's last night and a song on the radio made me cry and then I couldn't stop. I'm spending a few days taking care of my "great" nieces (1 and 3 yrs old) but find that even that doesn't take away the emptiness I feel inside. I want some magic to just happen and take away all this hurt but I don't think that is going to happen. I have a loving church family but even with that, I just want to be around someone that is going through what I am going through. Someone to tell me it is ok to start crying when you don't even think you are thinking about your loved being gone. I cried on and off at work all day Tuesday simply because I was so lonesome Monday night. Maybe we are just doing what it takes to get through each day. I never thought I would miss my husband this much. He was a very hard man and we were only married 4 years. I had to do so much for him in the last 6 months of his life, that I thought I would be relieved when he finally passed away but now find that is not the case at all. I thinkn I was so tired from doing everything for him, that I didn't realize how much I enjoyed his company. Reading all of these posts helps me realize that I am not alone and what we are feeling IS normal and is just going to take time. When we think time passes so quickly, while going through this process, it isn't going fast enough for me. I really dread the Christmas holidays but am going to try to stay busy through them.

I also know what you are going through. It has been 6 months for me. I still cry and have that ache in my stomach as well. Even in a crowd of people or with friends and family, I still feel alone. The bond that I had with my husband is unlike any I have with anyone else.
I think we have to take it day by day.
Thinking of you
God Bless
Debbie