Angie, I'm so sorry for your loss. But you're not alone. I lost my husband on March 29th and still cry every day... some days more than others. It takes almost nothing to bring on the tears. Please don't feel like you have to hide or apologize for your tears. I just tell my family I'm having a rough day, and so far they have understood. We've tried to grieve together when we can by sharing our memories and crying together. It helps. There's a fine line when comforting your kids and experiencing your own grief, and it is hard to find your way around that. Please know that when you come here... we all understand and will be here for you. You're in a lot of pain, like me, and my heart goes out to you. Warm hugs, Kathy

Is there a GriefShare group near you? I found their website one night and did some research. There are groups all over the world.

It is a 13 week Christian-based program for people going through the loss of a loved one. I have really gotten a lot of insight from the program. I look forward to going each week. It is one of the few things in my life right now that I look forward to.

Please know that I don't intend my recommendation to be any kind of endorsement for one religion over another. I just found the program helpful.

I guess I'm odd, but I don't mind the tears. In some ways they are comforting, it makes me still connected and are very cathartic. I find I cry most when I am in the car and the radio is on. I just keep my distance from other vehicles and let me wash some of my pain away.

I still cry even after a year, maybe not as much. I find it therapeutic at times. I try to walk everyday to clear my mind & look at the beauty outside. I have always been a walker & Larry use to always say before I went for a walk "you be careful now babe." So of course
I can hear his voice every time I go for a walk & that brings a smile and something I will never forget !!

Thank you all for listening and being here. I just am so worried for my kids. They r just starting out and need a dad but they only have me. I know this sound terrible but they would have been better off if it was me. My husband would know what to do and be strong for them. I am taking tomorrow off from work and looking for counseling. I'm glad i found all of you.

my children lost their dad when they were 21 and 19...A few months later the oldest had to move away to start a life as a grown up when he accepted a job out of school. He was one to keep things inside and I worried so much about him. The youngest moved back home to attend school closer to home as they had the program she needed. She got see me cry and I watched her being strong and keep things inside . In the end , being honest about the feelings and reminding them that while I was hurting I still appreciated their pain and sorrow was all I could do for a long time . It has been 28 months and we have all moved forward and healed . Today was a hard day after participating in a fundraiser and I got to watch my strong daughter become vulnerable. I was hurting for her while at the same time being relived because tears do need to happen in order to release some of the pain...

Angie, I cried for two months, maybe a little more. My daughter observed she had only seen me cry once or twice in her 25 years.

Let it out, you need to release your tears. They are cleansing.

I still cry, sometimes several times a day, but not for a long time. Some memory or some thing just makes me bawl. I'm a strong man, and still I cry.

Your sons are men. I would like to give your younger one a talk about manning up and not giving YOU a hard time. They are grieving too. You cannot be there for them unless you take care of yourself. Right now, you need to cry.

A group sounds like a good idea. I thought about joining a grief group, but I already go to a mood disorders support group, and members who have known me for years gave me good support there. Also members of my synagogue gave me support. Some of them were mourning at the same time I started. When you find fellowship in your suffering, you are less alone.

I cried continuously for about 6 months then is slowed down, then it was about every other day I would have an episode or sometimes a total meltdown. Now at 9 months I cry a little every few days just for a minute or so when something reminds me he is really not here. Yes some days I find myself saying I still cannot believe he is gone. I know its true, but even though I accept it, every now and again I hope its a bad dream. My 2 stepsons also lost their mother 1 month after their dad so I can understand your dilemma. They see me cry all the time and they are ok with it. Everyone grieves differently. Be patient. They too will find their way. Probably sooner than you will as the relationship is very different between parent and chile and husband and wife. Hugs, Robyn

I as well have two children around the same age and yes it's difficult. I remember thinking my daughter won't have her dad to walk her down the isle; my son won't be able to ask the hard questions about life and love and I felt so overwhelmed by all the responsibilities I felt I had to assume because now there was only me to guide them. I would cry and I would ask for help and guidance and I'd pray. When one of them commented by saying "you don't have to be a mom and a dad; you just need to be mom". I realized they were as concerned about me as I was for them.

I don't know if it ever will, either...I cry every day, several times a day. All I want is to wake up to my old life, the one with my husband. Each morning when I wake up I just want to go back to sleep..permanently..if I didn't have my son to care for, I probably would sleep my life away. The pain, anger, guilt, despair...it will be 13 weeks on Thursday, and June 21 would have been his birthday. I fear I will never be happy again.

Me either Wendi......it just keeps getting worse. I am either crying or trying to cry and can't, but the one constant is this pain in my heart.

He should be here!

It's okay to cry . .. consider them healing tears and without, nothing gained. As for your adult children, I don't think you should hide your tears whilst trying to protect them at the same time. We can't protect our children from "life" . . sadness and loss is a part of, sorry to say. Hang in there and the days will get easier with time and life will become more joyful once again. It simply takes "time" . . . please don't push too much and just allow all to unfold in it's own time. Hugs, D

Angie, you will stay in my prayers. I lost my husband of 38 years almost 10 months ago. In the beginning I also cried every day. Eventually I would go a day or two without crying until I found myself not crying for a few days. I found it was easiest if I spent lots of time staying busy and around people that did not want to talk about how sad it is that he is no longer here Eventually I only cried when I spoke to a friend for the first time about loosing the love of my life. I don't apologize for crying but explain it is my way of grieving. My heart goes out to you. Stay strong and lean on friends and family for the strength you don't feel.

Angie, it's so scary to be in your position. Allow your children to feel and grieve in their own way. And, you just do what feels right for you.

None of it feels right, I know. If you need to cry, do it. You owe no one excuses for your feelings. Remember; feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are! None of us [family included] can judge us for what we're feeling.

It's the worst possible place to be right now, I know you're feeling so helpless and hopeless......I'm sorry!

Warmly,
Roz

Angie, I agree with the other's that tears are part of losing our love ones and the plans we had. 61 months seems like forever, but I cried more than I thought possible those months. Have you looked into talking to someone who deals with the grief process? I went to hospice group meetings and also spoke with a grief counselor. It helped to just talk about my feelings. Of course, you can always talk with us here. We aren't counselors, but we walk the same path. Sending you love. Sharon