Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
It's been just over three months since my lovely wife passed away unexpectedly leaving me with three kids to raise on my own. I prayed very hard for God to bring me someone when the time was right, as I want to put my family back together again someday. I wasnt looking for anyone.
I went to a party on the 4th of July and met a beautiful woman who thought my kids were adorable. Turns out my sister that was there had talked to her earlier and told her everything about me and the kids. She wasnt deterred in the least by my story. We have a lot in common. We hit it off, and I met her family and they were very accepting of me and my three kids.
I prayed to God before I met her, telling Him that Jacob saw Rachel and immediately loved her and worked hard to get her because she was so beautiful. Numerous times I prayed for Him to bring me my very own Rachel. Someone I would see and just know I would want to work for. It turns out that this woman doesnt like her first name. Several days after meeting her I found out that her middle name is Rachel, and she prefers to be called by it.
God is amazing!
So while I still grieve bitter tears over my broken life and lost wife, I am also looking foreward with hope for an exciting future. Life is bitter sweet. I've learned to cry tears of grief, sorrow, joy, and peace at the same time.
As always.
In His grip.
Barb.
I know we are all different, but your heart and your brain can't even process your loss in such a short period of time.
My husband of 30 years has been gone for 6 years now and I still can't even imagine being with another person!
Best to give yourself some time.......especially for your children's sake as this will affect them a great deal.
I had a wonderful marriage. I enjoyed being a husband. I am young. Why should I mope around for the next 5 years? I met someone who shares my interests, is a beautiful and kind person, and likes my kids. So you saying I should blow this woman off and hope in 3 years I will find another just like her? Life is too short. If I learned anything from losing my lovely wife, it is to cherish the time that we have. I am not going to waste another minute of my life from here forward, the cost is too high. Once we're dead, there are no more chances left.
I truthfully believe that God is inspiring you to pursue another relationship; and He is amazing! What stirs my faith is that your sister was the one to fill the lovely lady in on the details. I kind of feel like God would have been the one to send you in personally to introduce yourself to her. And I would never imagine that you are seriously using the story of Jacob and Rachel to sanctify your godly beliefs in this case. Yet what I can only determine is that this particular Bible story is one of your own favorites, which fits in well as an example of great faith in your finding someone to love and who you may consider joining in marriage.
Better to move swiftly though, only after you've weighed in all the facts; what many posters say of this encounter is the truth and should be taken seriously. Only I feel that you are wise enough to approach this with an active eye. You seem prepared.
You are doing all the right things by talking with a counselor and a pastor about this. And you do state it very well that you and this new lady already share those similar qualities and common beliefs, and your children seem to like her; all A+. She wants to attend church with you, A+, again. What more can you ask for? Certainly, it is always a risky matter or even taking a possible chance with your grieving heart is indeed at risk here. But you are influenced by your own spiritual instinct, which it is a privilege to you to have one, considering all your grief and heavy-heart pain of missing your beautiful wife. She really stays in your heart, no threat there either. I feel that she would want you to find someone soon rather than later, as kids do grow fast! And a woman's touch is very useful while raising children.
I really hope that your mother-in-law feels welcome to stay active in your life and the grandchildren will need her love too. However, what she is dealing with in the sense of her loss is seemingly far above that which you can do to help her cope with now. And I do understand that it is so painful to see her son-in-law move ahead without her daughter. I feel for her. Though this new lady may become a blessing to her as well. Only time can tell.
Best,
Remiah
Sylvia