Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

Widow-speak

laurabp
laurabp
First let me say that I have been a member of this group for 3 years, and a widow for approximately 3 1/2 years. The wonderful people in this group have given me invaluable advice, support and understanding - I never would have made it through the grief process without all of you - Thank you!

What I want to comment on is an experience I had yesterday with a group of relatives that I had not seen in many years. One cousin was a widow who has recently experienced her 3rd loss; the other people there were either divorced or married. Anyway, I noticed the way the conversation went was very interesting. My cousin would say something and I caught on immediately to a depper meaning than the words themselves. Then I would say something and she would be finishing my sentence for me. It was almost as if there was this widow's code that we were speaking, where the others were clueless, but we understood each other. Anybody else ever have this happen? laurabp
deleted_user
deleted_user
Absolutely--it's like becoming a member of another society--I often feel like the blue people in "Avatar"--completely different than the people I am trying to interract with.
cleodoggie
cleodoggie
I have a good widow friend and we are like that. I thank God for her. We also get silly once in a while and laugh and laugh. Friendship is a wonderful thing. Hugs, Chris
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yeah, it's kind of like the connection my head makes when I bang it against my favorite wall. This particular wall is so accommodating, so inviting, i just know it understands completely.
Community Leadermarjoe
marjoe
Yes, and sometimes with complete strangers. It's uncanny, unsettling and comforting, all at the same time.
Lininsocal
Lininsocal
I have been to a couple of the get togethers we have had and know exactly what you mean. It is so good to be able to talk with others who understand your loss, your heart and your needs. It is so often stated here that unless you have gone through the loss of a spouse you would not really understand. We find it so difficult to relate to our family and friends and are often hurt by their comments or displays of sympathy, they are inept in trying to comfort us because they don't understand. I am sure your conversation was a comfort to her.....in widow-speak.
deleted_user
deleted_user
We have two member here in Illinois that I know, and it is just like that. You just 'know' what the other may need at the time, and the conversation last for HOURS and we understand each other! while with family and friends, ...gets a bit uncomfortable, bnecause of the awkwardness when the "name' is mentioned.

I LOVE the get togethers I've been fortunate enough to go to. I don't know any widows in the 'real" world, so here, and they are like an oasis!

You are so right!!! And I love the term 'widow speak'

HUGS to you Diane
deleted_user
deleted_user
Unfortunately I do not know anyone who is also a widow or widower. That's why coming here is a comfort to me. I can speak widow-speak with all of you. Thank you my fellow W&W.