CJ, you wrote everything that I would want to say and said it so perfectly. I can't add a thing. Thank you.
hugs...
-Diana

"Anything is open for discussion here"

Really? Was Floyd's topic given that consideration? No, it was "poofed".

Driveler, I too wonder why people who have remarried would want to still be here. And I do understand the wisdom part.

Speaking for myself, I stopped attending my support group for I don't need what it has to offer anymore. It would be the same on the DS site. If I did remarry, naturally I would leave the W & W group. Even though I would always carry the loss of my husband with me, it would be time to put the W&W group behind also and focus on my new marriage.

MissingFrank, please do stay. Your loss is just as great as those who were married. You were part of a loving union, with plans to spend your lives together. You are just as welcome here as the rest of us.

Blessings, Debbie

I knew I had to add the caveat "As long as it does not break the Rules of the Road/ToS" but I assumed everyone took that for granted. And besides, my reply is not about material DS admin decided to remove and then suspend someone for repeatedly breaking their ruless following multiple warnings - that's DS Admin's business, not mine.

I assume the wondering about why someone who is remarried remains here is aimed at myself and Cliffskat seeing as it is well known we married recently.

I don't really feel that I need answer that, in the same way no other member has to answer for why they join or remain in this or any other community. That surely is down to that member's wishes?

If it was not aimed at me, then I hope those other members that have remarried will also perhaps reply if they wish.

But I would add that a lot have people have asked me to remain here on the basis of support I have given them here on the board.

My comments were not directed to anyone this site.......rather to the folks who attended a grief group, in person,with their new loves.........
As far as this site goes,.......I think that it is of benefit to many that we have those who have moved on and offer valuable advice to those who are in the same place, ......and wanting to move on.............
L

I just wanted to say........ oh never mind. I really was going to leave it like that and post it but what the h*ll. I hope this doesn't confuse or compound this issue but after reading everyone's post I can see/understand everyone because I have this gift/curse depending on how you look at it that I really feel where you all are coming from. But since you brought this issue up I have another question. There was someone I noticed that in their profile there was no mention that anyone died be it friend, family member, spouse, partner but they did list their interests and in their page had a rather raunchy language so-to-speak. But this person made comments to others like I'm praying for you, hope you feel better, etc. and people replied back. How can one tell if this person is lurking or how can anyone tell who should and shouldn't be here unless they come right out and say their personal loss? and this person didn't. How do you know to suspend them or not. No one really knows here so we have to be on guard in what we say. The world is what it is, but we should be careful in any case. Sometimes we have to put our trust out there. But, getting back to the lurker, we can't really know for sure if someone has a right to be here or not, so we could at least let them know diplomatically where they can find help to set them in the right direction. It's not our job, I know, but someone has to do it. Why not me, or you, or anyone, but like it says under this box, to promise to be nice.
God bless,
ReneeArose

Apparently I missed this - but I did try a support group which seems to relate to this topic - GriefShare. The first meeting there was one other woman there whose step father had died at the age of 78. She took a leave from work because she was so distraught - but - she spent most of the evening complaining about her husband. It made me question whether I should go back - the meeting did not make me feel better.

I went to another meeting where now there were a few more and now a new member cried and carried on about the death of her father at the age of 98!. I realize this difficult to lose someone - but - I just can't relate to that.

Then at another meeting the first woman talked on and on about how her marriage was now sooo much better - etc. etc. That was the last one I went to.

While people who have remarried may still need to talk - I agree that I think they belong with a different group - it can be hurtful to the rest.

I am fairly new to this site, but have been a widow for almost a year. This site has been a sounding board for me and it has helped me to realize that i am not alone in my loss and that others are going through the same things i am. We are all in different stages of our grief, some move faster, some move slower, and we all move differently. I do not see remarrying as moving on, it is simply...just moving. Should i remarry, I would call myself a wife, but that does not remove my forever tag of "widow". It does not mean I would miss my late husband any less. It is simply a different path.

I do understand that those who remarry may be grieving differently than those who choose not to remarry, and therefore need different support. But I cannot imagine that having a new husband would wipe out all memory of the horrible tradegy that comes with losing a spouse. I cannot imagine that all the pain completely goes away and never sneaks back up. I suggest there be a site for remarried widows/widowers. Then they would have the support of others who have chosen that path.

I hope that we can all be supportive of those who have had lost a partner, no matter what stage of grieving they may be in, where they are in life, what they chose as their path, or how long its been since their loss. We all share a common bond and that is of such a personal loss. We all need a pick-me-up sometimes, no matter where we are in the grieving process.

Thank you all for your support, for your advice, and sharing your story of love and loss. It has helped so many and will continue to.

Responding to Reply #21, which I know is going to divert away from driveler's original discussion. I apogolize driveler, because I feel a need to respond to Renee's reply.

What you are describing about this particular profile would be enough for me to be concerned. But it doesn't mean that person hasn't suffered a loss and should not be here either. If they step out of line by sending you lurid or predatory messages, obviously they are a troll. In that case, report the individual so the DS team can make a determination for suspension.

You basically have to take precautions to protect yourself, which sometimes isn't always easy.