I don't even know where to begin my story. In 2000, I lost my first husband in a car accident when he was 30 years old. Our son was 9. It was so devastating and I never thought I would heal. Slowly, the grief faded somewhat and we were able to live again. I did meet another wonderful man, who also lost his wife at a very young age and together we rebuilt our lives. I finally felt as though God was smiling on us again and in 2006 we had a beautiful daughter together. Although our family was pieced together, it felt whole again. Last week, he passed away so suddenly,leaving me a widow, again with a 9 year old child. I just don't know how I'm going to find the strength to get through this again.... or how I'm going to get my kids through this. My little girl screams at night for daddy and my son is grieving the loss of his second father, who from the start, loved him as his own. Last fall we finally moved into our dream home in the middle of the country, with acres of property and plenty of plans for it. Waking up here was such a joy, but now it just fills me with sadness. There are projects that my husband started, that now will never finish and looking at them all in their various stages of completion is like a knife through my heart. I can't believe that I used to be so happy here. Now I want to escape. When we moved, we lost our wedding album and I was very upset. He told me not to worry, we were going to renew our vows on a beach in Jamaica and we would replace that old album with a new one. Now I have nothing. I'm feeling so hopeless. How can I be a widow twice by the age of 46? I feel like God is playing a cruel joke on me.