Hi Patty, What a beautiful photo you have on your profile, is that your wedding photo. Anyway, you came to the right place, or the right person, me. At first right after my husband, John, died in August, the hospice lady called me to see if I wanted to come for a private or a group meeting. At that time, I told her "no, I don't want to talk about it, and I don't want to hear other people talk about it either." Then there was this grief support meeting at the very same St. Joseph's Hospital where John died. Once a week on Thursday, in the basement of all things in the hospital. I went there one time, and still couldn't open my mouth to talk about this. So, that's 2 support groups. Then I found this widow site here in Tucson online. I went to the meeting on a Tuesday afternoon at 2:00 p.m. There were about 30 people there. I was very nervous and my heart rate was up, like sitting at an executioner's table. Why am I here? So when it came my turn, I said, "I can't talk about it, then next thing I know I was crying hysterically, blabbing it all out. To me, this was embarrassing, a lack of control. Didn't go back there, but a lady at this group said there is another group at, of all places, the Arizona Cancer Hospital. What? Who wants to go to a place where people are getting chemo for cancer. I almost ran out, but I gave it a try. Again, the circle of grief, mostly women in their 70's and 80's and 3 men or so. Again, waiting for the executioner's signal. This time, I stood up, blabbed it out for 10 minutes.

Also, another thing you may explore is your local senior center. I tried that, but they have cliques there also which are just friends who know each other. But being that you are still so young and very beautiful, be prepared to experience maybe a bit of "disguised hostility and jealousy", from the other women, like for sure that's why you are there, to scoop up all the men.

I think, Patty, that a lot of these people go there for friendship because they are lonely and have no one else, but they have little cliques also. After the break there, no one talked to me, since they didn't know me I guess. So I made a quick exit out of that cancer place, never went back. So I haven't had much good luck. So I just go online and find books on "widows" grief and all that, then come home, read them and try and figure things out myself. I'm a loner anyway, but a lot of people need other people.

I hope you find a nice group. Someone mentioned "MeetUp Groups, which are good to get involved in ACTIVE LIFE, where you can find groups that do things that interest you. That's what the ER doctor told me back in October when I was in there for a "19th nervous breakdown." He said, "your husband doesn't want you to cry, just get out and go hiking or something, and LIVE!" Being here in the desert, there is the desert hiking group that I would like to join and just keep hiking in the desert, and never come back.

Hope you find your cup of tea group that is fun and gives you something to look forward to besides more grief stories sitting in a circle.

Thanks! There is a GS program near me bu tit meets every Saturday and I have every other Saturday off. So I might go to just check it out. I'm not a very religous person and right now I'm so angry at whoever is in charge of the great so-called plan. My sister-in-law got me a couple of grieving books. I spent time with our friends and family when I'm not working. I can't stay home yet a full day without the anxiety kicking in. So my days off i go to see friends and family. I'm going to go back on Monday to the Hospice group. Even though there are only two people their I'm needing to talk until the other group starts up or as my counselor said find a church support group. I told her I couldn't because I'm not a hypcrit and I'm angry at the so called boss. She laughed and sai I'll let you in on a little secret - not all but a lot of people that go to church are hypicarits so don't worry about. I might check around on that.

Emerald, thank you for the kinds words. And yes this was our wedding picture on August 12th, 2007. We did a Renassiance style wedding. It was both our 2nd time around and our last. I know David would want me to find someone else. He was 16 years my senior an I was no dummy to know he'd propbably go before me. But, him being 62 and me 46 it just seems so all unreal. We should have had more time He is and always will be my soul-mate. No one will ever take his place or be able I seriously doubt to open this heart of mine again.

I agree it is hard to find a support group to attend especially if you work. There is one group in my area but they meet from 3 to 4:30 and I work until 4. The only other group is once a month at 7 pm but it meets at the same funeral home my husband was in...which is a bit unsettling.

Now that I do not think I could do. Even though we only had a viewing since he'd had a massive heart attack out if no were. I had to do at least that much for my husbands friends & family. But, still it was great job they did. It took everything I had to go back two days later to get my husbands ashes. Hoping you find something!

I looked and looked for support groups too. Found this site, and a Meetup Group for widows. Also tried a GriefShare group but I am not religious and they really shove it down your throat so snuck out and didnt go back. Plus I didnt feel like listening to people blubber and cry.
I finally just hired a grief counselor, who is about 5 minutes away. There are grief counselors all over, and having a one-on-one with someone is working out great. I even got free sessions due to EAP from my husbands work. Highly recommend.

Most of the things I've tried in real life have turned into a comic kind of debacle, so I have decided to back off and let life happen for now. I am a lot better, but I still don't have the desire to live like I did before my husband died. Some of us just aren't 13 day-video-sermon types. I'm thinking of going to Bingo. That's pretty much my speed. I go to church, but if I want to be a part of things there, I have to become involved in their programs, I'm not willing to be put to that much work for nothing. Pay me a couple bucks to make the bored feel important, I may be your girl. Yes I have a lousy attitude. I can't just unsee things, or pretend something is not what it is. Ah I am hopeless. If you got this far thanks for reading .

Sara

You are far from hopeless and I can relate to your feelings. I shouldn't have to pay or shouldn't have to believe in someone's beliefs in order to get help and support for the loss of my husband. Nor should anyone of us! If I can't find something here soon, I'm thinking of posting an add in the paper and seeing who would want to meet somewhere and talk. Not that I would be any good to run a group but, something would be better than what we got now!

Regarding Griefshare, I am not at all religious. I told that to the folks who did the program right up front. I explained that what I viewed as a higher power might not fit their definition. They were ok with that and we watched the tapes and had discussions, but they never pushed religion on me. I guess it depends on who does the program whether or not they proselytize.