My wife's passing was recent. But it helps to know that God's plan is not our plan,. He has something special planned for you and this will make you stronger and better in the end. But it sure does hurt now.
It helps to talk about it. So don't be afraid to talk it out. We here have been through it. On top of my wife I lost a daughter back in 1990 and both times I find that just talking about it helps so much

I ask the same questions as I lay here awake at 4 AM crying. I was actually just asking God why. Why would he not allow me to have a full and long life with my husband. Why would he leave me the single parent of 4 children. Yes, I know He is in control and has a plan but that doesn't change the fact that I'm heartbroken and a shell of myself. I'm sick of people telling me how strong I am, when all I feel is weak. People keep telling me to tell them how I feel and then when I do its too much for them. Because they can no longer physically see my injuries from the accident they think I'm doing fine. They have no clue that I'm always in pain and then add in the grief of lossing my husband in the accident and most of the time it's all I can do to get up in the morning. I don't know what God's plan could be for me but right now it sucks for me.

I used to be a frequent visitor on this forum with a lot of questions and observations of this new life. Now 21 months into this new journey of mine, I still visit but only comment when someone really touches a deep chord with me. And that my dear you have done...God didn't take your husband away on purpose to hurt you or to hurt him. He made us out of love, perfect and with a purpose.
After our birth, our life then becomes the ward of humans.... First our parents and then ourselves. Our life is in our hands...it is our choice how to take care of ourselves, where we go, the predicaments we put ourselves into environmentally, socially and physically. However, people get sick, accidents happen, bodies simply wear out...we are after all what we call…human. Our body and our mind is a wonderful thing but nothing lasts forever. Sometimes they can even turn on us.
We pray to God with love and adoration asking for strength and courage to live out the life that WE think that he had planned for us. But WE don't know the real plan. Everyone is here for a reason and eventually you are going to find that out...your husband is doing just that, right now.
Yes....bad things happen to good people...if God kept all the good people alive just because of that fact, there would be no crime, there would be no hate, everything would be perfect....and none of us would be here on this forum with broken hearts looking for answers...that I believe would be called heaven...
We are all here for a lesson in which all of us here are presently in the throes of learning.
I could continue on and tell you to stay hydrated, get plenty or rest and take care of yourself...but I'm hoping that you already know that. I won't sugarcoat this either and tell you that everything is going to be all right. It will eventually be alright as it can be, but oh my....this is a long hard road we have to walk, and we have to just learn that day to day.
What you are looking for is answers to the question, why? Why me? Why him? Why us?
Well...I'm sorry sweetheart but no one can answer that for you. It's just something that you have to learn to live with....which you will learn to do. There really is no other choice. Some may want to lash out in anger, blame everyone, and hate everyone… But believe it or not that too shall pass. It will take work on your part to get through those days but I pray for all of you to eventually come to peace with yourself and learn to accept what has happened.
Prayers, how ever you conceive the theory, keep you connected and truly do help. Your husbands spirit walks beside you everyday...I know it's hard because you can't see him but let yourself feel him, he is there, he is listening and believe it or not he is still guiding you. He will always be with you. You were a team and that union lives on.
Somewhere in the future when you're ready, you will come to accept the fact that this is your new life. I know it is the worst thing that's ever happened to you and unfortunately it happens to all of us sooner or later, but you will begin to start to find out who you are. When you finally start to live and love yourself again and begin walking your new path, you can still carry all of the precious memories of your past life with you forever in your heart. Nothing and no one last forever but those memories do, always cherish them. Be thankful for the love that you had, not everyone gets to experience such a deep and emotional bond. Yes it's unfair that that bond was broken but life isn't always fair..... What defines a person is not how hard they have fallen, but how they have picked themselves back up and continue to live on that shows their true spirit.... Don't let his death define your life, he wouldn't want that.
I pray for you strength, courage and more than anything else… hope. I know that sounds impossible right now but keep your eyes open for that little glimmer of hope, that tiny little bright spot peeking through the darkness. It's there and you will find it!
Warm hugs to you....
Darcie

In reality, no one is promised a long life, nor is anyone promised to life that is devoid of pain and suffering. In fact, the Bible talks about God's "Lamb's Book of Life" which includes a believer's name and the date that they will die. Additionally, Jesus tells us that if we believe in him, they will hate/treat us as they treated him. Lastly, I will add that we are only passing through in this life, before we go to our eternal life. I don't mean to offend you or anyone else. I lost my husband going on 4 weeks, after years off multiple health issues. Your grief is new and raw and you're just at the stage where you are getting your head around the loss. I miss my husband, and I miss "Us" and grieve all the plans for our future that will never happen. Having gone through ambigious grief and anticipatory grief over the years, it soothes my heart to know his has a new life, a new body and that we will be together again.

Thank you all for kind words. I will keep them with me whilst attempting to travel this tough journey. Hugs to all of you

Darcie's reply reminded me of a quote that my wife, Capri, hung over her work table in her studio during those last months of her life. It goes "Everything is alright in the end. If it's not alright, then it's not the end." After Capri died, I struggled with it. Like Mamza, I just couldn't see anything good about the situation and I too felt like God must have made a terrible mistake. Things were anything but "Alright" and "End" just sounded so final. I didn't want "that" end. Eventually though, I came to understand it from Capri's point of view and, I believe, the intent of the person who wrote it. It hangs on my fridge now, for me to see and remember but also to understand and look forward.
Life here isn't always perfect, without them or even when they were here with us. Like Darcie said so well, this earthly life just isn't designed to be that way. However, that doesn't mean we should give up and wait for the end. Capri surely didn't. So neither should we. We'll each know in our own time when we've reached the end, when everything is alright at last. Until that time though we must work, strive, fall down, get up again and move towards "alright" embracing the joy that's to be found along the way. I believe that God put those bits of joy out there for us to find, enjoy and make our lives just a little bit better, glimpses of what "alright" will look like for us when it's our time to get to that place.
Peace and ((hugs)),
~John

None of us are promised tomorrow let alone the next minute. This I know to be true. Enjoy every second of life. Live it to the fullest with the ones you love. We never know when we are living our last seconds.

I was pretty much overwhelmed by the death of my husband and felt deserted by God. I began rereading the Gospels and reminded myself who Jesus is. He is holding us in the palm of his hand protecting us, loving us, and doing what is best for us. We often don't understand his ways as they are not our ways. But he is always right. The difficulty comes with us. Godnever deserts us, we pull away from him. I hope you find peace in knowing the love her has for you. Sharon

Darcie, I can relate to what you are saying. God has given us free will here. When our body can no longer hold up in this world, that is the time God is ready to care for us. Thank you for explaining it so beautifully.

You have every right to ask these questions. The simple answer is nobody knows. There are a lot of really good theological answers, but not a one of those will in any way take your present pain away. I learned 19 years ago that whenever I wanted to know anything about God, all I needed to do was ask Him. And He continues to teach me to this very day. And don't worry. He has broad shoulders. It's okay to be mad. He loves each and every one of us no matter what. ~~~ Scottie

Please read this - hopefully it makes you feel understood.
https://www.dailystrength.org/journals/it-s-not-fair-1

I often feel this way also and I think that I would like to opt out of this game that God has going on. I'm not talking about suicide but I just don't want to play this pointless game anymore. And if there's such a thing as reincarnation I'm going to fight tooth and nail not to come back to this vale of tears.

One of the most helpful things I've heard since my husband's death, was on Moody radio. The preacher said to see all things in light of eternity. This may not work for everyone, but I try to be driven by eternity in a sense. I try to remember that this pain, as traumatic as it is, will be small--one day--when we are reunited. I look at this life, the "after the accident" world I live in, and still try to find my purpose for the day. I think, well, God put me here, and I must still have a job to do. I've had to focus on purpose more than happiness some days, but it's what gets me through.

Here's a quote that oddly gives me comfort by Thomas Hobbes: Life is "solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short." I guess I like it because it reflects how I feel so much of the time.

There will be pain, there will be suffering
Unanswered questions, unrealized dreams
All are part of our life here on earth
Only when we have been called home to Heaven will there be no more tears, no more sorrow
I pray each day for His strength, His guidance
"I can rest upon His assurance that His grace will see me through every storm".
jdp