Hi jaja...I know the feeling. I have 3 ppl who call me still after 1 1/2 months. All his friends who said they were there for me..I haven't heard from one of them. And the hardest blow of all is someone I thought was one of my dearest friends in the world..I've known her for over 20 yrs has yet to say anything..not even a card.
So you're not alone in this.They have gone on because they don't live with his memories every day like we do. They may have been hurt but its alot easier for them. that's why we're here.
Keep your chin up my friend
Big Hugs,
Nancy

Janice, I am right there with you. It's been almost 3 months since my husband passed away and I only hear from a couple of friends. So many of our friends told me at the visitation to keep in touch and to call if I needed anything. Why should I call? I'm the one that's grieving. Do they think I would pick up the phone and call them to see how they are? I discussed this with my grief counselor and she said if most of my friends have not lost a spouse, they just won't get it. They don't know what to say. They're hesitant to talk about the deceased spouse, thinking they will make me sad. And they don't want to realize it might be them someday, going through this profound grief. Actually the only ones that call me HAVE lost a spouse and get it. That's why I'm so glad I found this site on DS. Everyone here gets it and all are here to share their feelings and receive words of comfort.

I think many here went through this disappointment with friends and family who said that they would be there for us but they were/are not, some do them never to be heard from again since the funeral.

I am sorry for your loss and it is very early in your grief, a time you need the upmost support. In my case, a few friends, very few, stepped up and helped me a lot but many have disappeared, saying "call me if you need me". As if we could! When we are so helpless, fragile, devastated, vulnerable and sorrowful. But you are right they do not understand our plight. DS was for me like a life raft when I was sinking.

We are here for you. Big hug, my friend.

Unfortunately, after a while, it comes back to us taking care of ourselves. You have to learn to ask for something if you need it. I know there are people who just don't know what to do anymore, they feel like they aren't helping you any since they don't see you getting any better. But they will help if you just tell them how.

yes, i had a friend at work who was in her 50's who lost her husband and she told me after a month or two the phone stop's and the support dries up. Even though i knew it was coming it was still hard to see how little people cared about where your at, as if 'it's old news'. I'm grateful for this site because the people here know what they're talking about and the advice is coming from someone who understands

Like everyone else here I was overwhelmed with support initially but as you said in your post they move on with their lives while you try to piece a life together that has been completely shattered. As Squeege said perfectly it becomes "old news" for them. As Papagena said DS also became my life raft. The good news about that raft is there is room for everybody. Janice at 4 and half months you are still at a very raw part of the grief process emotionally. I am truly sorry for your pain. Gerald

I think most people in our lives really do care, but feel powerless as to what to say or do to make us feel better. That is why many will say to call them anytime. That way they feel they are there for us if needed. I think most really are there to provide help when asked, but don't realize how difficult it is for us to call and vent to someone whom we don't want to burden, unless we believe they really want to hear it. My close friends and family call. It helps, but not like coming here to those who really, really, did I say really?, understand!
Robert

I agree with Robert, my parents have been the most consistent people in my life since my husband died 2 yrs ago. I also see and talk to his family but I don't want to burden them with my grief when they have their own. I post things on Facebook from time to time to remind friends and they seem to appreciate that, they just don't know what to say otherwise.

Thank you everyone for your understanding and support and a dose of reality. Once as gain you have lifted me up from the doldrums.
Love to all...
Janice

I agree with all that has been said, and it is truly hard when obvious support slacks off. Remember, that other deaths have happened that affected some of these people. I think we sometimes forget this. It happens to some family each day. Recently I had 2 funerals 3 days apart. There is a saying on DS that "grief rewrites your address book," and it is very true. Some people will disappear, and you will find new friends. Do ask friends and family for help if you need it; take good care of yourself. You are still very early in the process, and it is a hard road. Try to take each day as it comes, and be thankful for your blessings. Anything positive that can be added to the picture will help.
Wishing you peace - Doye

Yep, that's what happens to all of us. I never had that many friends so it wasn't at noticeable for me. Its just plain lonely!
I have to call people if I want to talk to someone. I have to make the suggestions. I mostly just do everything by myself...... it stinks!

I am still looking for the answer on how to be happy alone. Has anyone figured it out?

I don't recall anyone offering to be available when my husband died other than some of the men from my church. They have been very kind in helping me with tasks that I find difficult to do on my farm. I have one friend that I talk with regularly and another friend whom I don't talk with as often but her husband died just days before mine and we are the same age. My grandchildren are my biggest support and give me the affection I need and a reason to keep going. I cook because of them and do the little housework that I do for them as well!

I noticed that at first. There was no traditional funeral; But, once I sent out the announcements, I did get calls. Then that too trickled down. You really have to extend yourself and call people to remind them that you are still there. I do have neighbors who check up on me, and slowly my new friends are coming around to see how I am or if they can help me. People I hadn't even met before knew Bob had passed on. I do love these smaller communities who welcome you with open arms. It has helped keep me from being too isolated. Plus, my home has a lot of local history. I sometimes think that has made a difference too. This is just my experience, but having a community help watch over me and keep me talking is important.

I think that it happens to all of us. I had some very good support in the beginning. I still do one SIL and a few good friends. my sister and brother were good support at one time, but they have gone back to their lives and families. That is the way it should be. They have to go back to their lives. I know if I need them they will be there. That is why we have to make our own lives.
Even my children do not really keep in touch with me. They also have their own lives.
Most of the I am okay being alone. Every once and awhile I realize how lonely I really am. That is when come here to read what others have said . You are right What would we do without our DS friends.

I was not surprised when the phone calls and visits stopped. People will tell you "if there is anything I can do, please call" and they mean well at the time. But they move on with whatever is occurring in their lives. Also, I would get phone calls about someone else we knew, had passed away. Its as if you should be over your grieving. These are the days of "short attention spans."