Jamie,

I know how you are hurting, and understand that you feel the kids just don't love him the same as you.

You are RIGHT. He was their dad, and he was YOUR EVERYTHING. It doesn't mean that they are not hurting. They are. Just in a different way than you are.

I have three kids and two stepsons. All are very different in how they handle mising their dad. Two stepson and both so different. One talks openly about his dad, and the other very rarely does, but when he does? You can tell he's hurting everyday and missing him. three kids of my own who looked at Greg as their FATHER. My yongest does everything he can to honor Greg's passing and what he taught him. My middle daughter talks of Greg ever single day, my oldest hardly at all, but once in a while she opens up.

But none of them were with Greg 24 hrs a day 7 days a week, and as much as he was their father? He was my EVERYTHING and it's just different. now I take great care in seeing what these fine people he left will become and how they treat the people in their lives. Through that I see the imprint Greg made on their lives.

And I am SURE that your sweet husabnd made a HUGE imprint on his childrens lives. And you get to see that through the years knowing he put it there.

HUGS and Happy father's day to a wonderful dad who loved his family SO MUCH. diane

I have just been out to lunch with my three lovely daughters and I know they miss their dad badly there have been lots of tears today.
I had a lovely time but they then have to go back to their families and carry on with their lives I dont think they have a choice they all have young families.
They really cant understand how I feel because they have only lost a part of their life
I on the other hand have lost all of what was my old life everything seems so strange and unreal Bill and i done everything together and he was always there when i needed him for anything always there to give me a hug when i was sad and make me was smile when i was down .
Now at the saddest time in my entire life i realise he cant do that any more nobody can.
This is a poem my youngest daughter sent to me this morning and i wanted to dedicate it to all the wonderful fathers who are no longer with us

For someone who means so much
and loved by all he knew
who left behind a trail of tears
and precious memories too

We loved the sunshine in his smile
and kindness in his heart
but heaven saw that he was tired
which means we had to part

And now that its his special day
dear angels hear our prayer
please guard him with your gentle wings
and tend him with great care

For he was someone wonderful
and words just cant convey
how much we wish that he was here
once more, with us today

Hope everyone has managed at least one smille today
Big Hugs Pat x

Jamie losing our spouses impacts us every moment of every day....I know the pain you are feeling and understand. Our children although hurting cannot begin to understand how difficult this is for you. I remember having similar feeling with my children. Venting is a good thing....know you are in my thoughts...sending warm hugs your way,
Lu Ann

All losses are painful and everyone handles them differently. I am sure that your children are hurting for their loss of their dad as well and just handle it in their own way. Like you said they go back to "their lives" when this was "our lives" All very PAINFUL but very different......
Wishing you some peace in the days ahead.......hugs

Greetings Jamie:

I do not pretend to have answers for you or anyone. I struggle to find answers for myself since my wife beloved suddenly and unexpectedly passed on. I understand the dilemma that can arise when witnessing others going on and living, while I cant seem to live again, like I did before this major change. I understand fully.

Why others go on living is usually for different reasons. Some folks just do this to mask the deep pain they feel. Some folks feel inadequate in expressing themselves and the overpowering emotions that surface. Others do this because they believe they must or the world they know will crumble. While others do it because they know no other way. The reasons are varied.

Nonetheless you are a first hand witness to this happening, while you struggle to find a way of reintegrating yourself once again into living without your beloved husband at your side. I understand.

It is difficult to impersonalize this sort of issue. However it is not personal. Nor is it usually done from a place of being uncaring. Emotions are challenging to deal with in general. Dealing with complex emotions that surround grieving are almost impossible for some folks to address.

It is totally reasonable that you are feeling as you do. Absolutely. The most cherished and loved man on the planet earth has gone Home to HEAVEN. This is wonderful for our dearly departed.

However back on earth. I get it!!!!

I disagree with the notion that anything you are experiencing, thinking or feeling could be categorized as SILLY. Instead you are learning to deal with a major change that you did not solicit. Without question you are NOT being silly whatsoever!

AND finally
----Why do we think differently than kids----

I do not think it is so much as comparing adults to kids, as it is not comparing at all. You see, when we compare it sets someone up to fail, or be inadequate, less than. Instead I aim to think along the lines of how every perspective fits into the scheme of infinity. There is no wrong or right way to process grief.

Please remember that everyone is bringing with them there own perspective, if they are aware of it or not. AND we can only know what we know until we learn something from a higher viewpoint.

Be gentle with you!

(((HUGS)))

Genuinely,
BEAR

You did not say how old they are but it seems like they are at home meaning they are under age so do not live on their own.

I think younger children not having many life experiences they do not see the world the same. WE as parents keep many of those under a safer wrap, once they go out on their own those perceptions change such as PATX post on how her adult daughters felt about their loss. Peer pressure on feelings and getting on with life is out there too.

It also seems that is a way God has younger ones mindsets to help with coping. Its tragic to us, but sad and sorrowful does not mean the same to children.

And Jaime so new into this grief a big huge back to you

I was wondering the same thing, my husband passed away on June 4th, he had kidney cancer and was suffering so much toward the end. Our almost 16 yr old has gone on, no problems. Me having issues, he was everything to me. I took care of him for so long, my spare time was with him along with working fulltime outside the home. A social worker through hospice said teenagers have a way of dealing with it their own way. Well I wish I could that way. Anxiety and crying is my way. But she said today she knows he isn't suffering anymore so it's good. I think yes he is not but I am.

My 3 kids were all still at home when their father died. A few weeks later was xmas break and my daughter slept over at 5 different friends homes. My two older sons seemed to be gone a lot. I felt almost like the 3 of them were avoiding me or didn't care how hard this was for me - especially since there was no other family and many friends seemed to be avoiding me. I was hurt by what seemed like a lack of caring - about both me and their dad.

It has now been more than 2 years and I see things differently. Many months later my dtr made the comment that she did not like being in her own home because it reminded her that her dad wasn't there. Perhaps it was that way for my sons too. One son went through a period where he was drinking too much (girlfriend said it was because of his dad) - yet I never saw any of this myself. My other son saw a therapist after a year and began taking medication for anxiety and depression.

One thing I learned - they wanted life normal again - even though it couldn't be. They did not want to see me hurt - so they hid their feelings. I wanted them to show comfort and attention to me - and they were expecting me - the adult and parent - to help them - yet none of us were in a position to do that for one another.

My daughter went to a "Rainbows" group at school once a week - I think this was helpful to her. In time we are going back to a family again. My children did not want me to see how much it had affected them because they did not want me to be more hurt than I already was.

I plan to take the family out on my husband's birthday every year - some place cheap for dinner. Hopefully they will all come. As time has passed, the kids are talking and laughing about their dad - something I don't think they did in the beginning.

It is only 6 weeks for you - they are working through this in their own way. I was devastated when my father died 20 years ago - yet I never let on to anyone how hard it was. Why would I say something like this to my mother - when I knew that however hard it was for me - that it was so much worse for her. I certainly didn't want to cause my mother more pain by her knowing how hard it was for me.

Next father's day or birthday suggest a family get-together to celebrate your husband and their father. I think that years from now you (and I) and the kids will be glad you did.

HUGS to you

Jamie,

For me each child has handled it differently.

My 18 year old talks of his loss occasionally however I have noticed that he stays away more often than he used to.

My ten year old rarely speaks of him.

My four year old tries to understand on a daily basis. He mentions him all the time, everyday.

I think it all depends upon the child and their age. Although all the kids miss him, it is totally different than what I feel and my loss. No one can understand our loss unless they have been through it. It is an unbelievable pain.