My husband kept hanging on until his lungs just quit. They placed him in a private room to die at the end. The memories of the end may stay with you for a while they are with me and I try to think he is in a better place as he was in pain..I knew it I just am having a hard time accepting it. I feel like you do with people who know me and knew my husband. The pity looks to where you feel like a freak..I have lost 2 husbands..I find strangers are kinder and treat me as a person and they may be my salvation. Welcome to the group no body wants to be a part of..( Hugs)

Pam,
I am so sorry for your loss. Over the years, I have realized that people don't mean to be insensitive or uncaring. I just feel that they honestly don't know what to say so they say nothing; or they say something totally inappropriate. When I first lost my husband, I wasn't forthright with how I felt. However, over time, I have had no problem voicing to family and friends how lonely this life is, how much I miss my husband, how difficult it is to make decisions alone, etc. It is hard for anyone else to understand what you are going through; unfortunately, you have to walk in these shoes to understand the emotional toll of grief. Keep coming here, and you will find a lot of caring individuals who are experiencing the same pain that you are feeling. Also, if you have any grief support groups in your area, that is a great place to meet others who can relate to your situation. I attended a widows/widowers' group for about a year and looked forward to those hours that I could share my feelings with others who understood. Prayers sent your way, Roxanne

Pam my heart goes out to you. My huband died 16 months ago with no warning.we were camping and I went to wake him up and he was gone. I have been through alot of sorrow in my life but nothing like this.like you some people said nothing and the one at least he went in his sleep. Omg. IF ONE MORE PERSON SAID THIS TO ME I WAS READY TO PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE. I guess if you haven't lost a spouse no one can imagine what you are going through.I still cry all the time. So I'm going to say why people act like they don't care is haven't been through it yet. I quess to people who don't no what to say or act just go up to us and give us a hug. No words are needed. Sorry hope this helps alittle.also I looked up stages of grieving and read what other people were going through. Wow then I seen I wasn't alone.

I've heard of this happening with others and it's very sad. My personal opinion is that they are uncomfortable with expressing their emotions-not that it is a valid excuse. Death of someone who is so young is a wake up call that it doesn't happen to others. We are all vulnerable to have it happen to us or someone you know.. Forgive them. They mean no harm. We can't know unless we experienced it. So sorry for the ignorance of others. Sharon

When my William passed away in his sleep people said things to me like... It was God's will, he was probably sick and you did not know, he is in a better place..... Well, I was living some place I am sure and did not react.... Now that it has been almost three years I don't understand these comments..... I know they thought they were being understanding and helping but unfortunately they were now..... The comment written by Debmichigan about people saying at lease he went in his sleep is something I don't understand.... My husband is still gone..... So I basically ignore to get thru things..... Jayne

People who I considered friends no longer contact me.... Not sure why.... Wish they realize that I need someone to have tea/coffee with and just talk..... I too, feel that it was just yesterday and some mornings I forget for that very first second.......Jayne

I am finding this so strange too! All I can think is that people don't know what to say. It still seems so odd to me to say nothing, but I don't know or really care. It is simply odd.

I understand and relate to how strange hurtful and lonely it feels. I think some people are struggling with grief of their own. Others cannot face being reminded of their own mortality or the thought that they too could lose someone they love. Still others just don't know what to say so in their discomfort they say nothing I am also beginning to believe that people sincerely do feel that you should " get over it" quickly. They have no idea

I believe that until they've walked in your shoes they will never understand. They just don't know what to say. People think you should put it behind you and get back to your life, but how can you do that after what you have just been through?
The pain is debilitating at first and yes it does let up in time, but it's never very far away. A song, a movie, even cooking dinner can cause it to come rushing back.
Take your time. Your life is like a puzzle with some of the pieces missing, you have to make your own pieces to make the puzzle whole again, and that takes time.
People fear the things that you went through and they don't want to think about that; they would rather tell you about their problems as a means of diversion.
That is flawed thinking.
Keep coming here, we're all in the same boat and we will sail it together.