Rajik, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's been 74 days to be exact since my husband passed away, 1 month after he passed I thought I would not be able to survive at all. I have family and friends who advised me the same thing... But i told them no because I find comfort with my husband's clothes and personal things. I left all his things in the same way in the closet. And I have no plans of moving them at all. On the 2nd month, I felt I was getting a little better because I kept myself really busy. I started journaling, walking, yoga and even went back to work. But now I'm feeling so down again, I am very, very lonely. I am by myself, my family and in-laws live out of state. They say it will come in waves. I remember one of the posts that I read here in DS, about taking taking those waves as my intimate time with my husband... If I need to cry, I will, if I need to be angry I will. It is a very sad journey, it really is. And every day I turn on my survival mode. Just like you, I feel so empty. Every night I wish that I would wake up I knowing that it was just a bad dream... Hugs to you, and just try to take it one day at time... I tell myself that too because that's the only thing i can do. Keep posting here, we have very good support here in DS. Take care of yourself.

It helped me to make friends with other widows at the bereavement group, rather than spend so much time alone.
I also joined a ladies gym. The exercise helped mentally and physically. Try different activities. Do whatever it takes to be busy.
It's not an easy road to travel. You will feel better in time. Be kind to yourself. Buy yourself flowers. Eat good food. Take the best care of yourself that you can. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Love and Hugs, Dolores

Sometimes i think I am doing better; then the reality sets in once again. Today I didn't feel motivated to do much of anything. it's been a year and a half, and the fact is, he's still gone., The house is too quiet, and it's raining outside. The rain never fails to depress me. I went to some friends' house for a while this evening, and they had been fussing I guess, so there was a bit of tension. I didn't stay long. I know I spend too much time on the computer, but I can't seem to help it. I need companionship. I don't know how to deal with this loneliness. I don't know if even relocating is going to help. I have already moved once. I am not sure what will.

Thanks to all of you. I wonder what is more. normal. We, who are still struggling to make a sense of our new life and finding it hard or those who are strong enough to accept it so readily and have moved on easily.
I do go to gym and that gives me some comfort. I do go to card games etc and some other groups that I belong to. But I feel different there. I am fine for some time and then I start getting anxious and feel like I need to leave. I do not leave but do not enjoy it then. Maybe what we lack is some purpose in life. Before , in a way, our spouses were our anchor, our purpose. I guess i need some new purpose in life. Gym, ladies groups I did before too. Upkeep of house is my job now - my husband used to do a lot of maintenance of the house or getting someone to do it was his responsibility. I find it hard to look for someone to do such work. I do not have confidence that I am choosing the right person to do the job, so I keep putting off the jobs that need to be done. Small things like unclogging drains etc I have tackled with help of YouTube. I constantly worry that things are going to go wrong with the house or appliances. I never worried about these things before. My husband took care of those things. And of course I miss the companionship. Sorry, I am just rambling on. Is this self- pity?

Oh man I just can't refuse to talk with you rajik. In your last comment above you asked "what is more normal" I've been trying to figure out the answer to that question for almost eight years now. Your right about trying to make sense of your new life. One day life is rolling along and all of a sudden you find yourself all alone. Scenario's you've dared imagine to think about. I've never thought of myself as accepting it although in a sense your so right. You are having to accept the fact of what happened and how it is irreversible. Human nature demands a second chance and in our case it just is not going to happen. What you do get is the opportunity to start over again. To do things right or better the second time. Moved on so easily? Never thought of it that way either. I'm going on eight years in July and in some ways I have moved on and in other ways I'll never move on from those sad and lonely feelings. Oh sure I laugh and tell jokes and go to work everyday. Life does go on, but deep inside our hearts is that everlasting love for our loved one lost. I'm so glad I read your post. It's other peoples spin on things that sometimes answers questions that we've been asking ourselves. Thank you.

I think sometimes we feel a weird kind of 'peer group pressure' to get over it, move on, not care about it, act like it doesn't mean anything, like we're so tough that nothing can stop us. Well, let me tell you, that's all nonsense! Anyone who is a few weeks into this is most certainly not all right, and even a few months in they are not all right - but they may feel pressured to not let on how awful they feel. So I don't believe those two ladies were better off than you are.

As far as your husband's things, everything that was his is now YOURS. You don't have to get rid of anything that is YOURS. You can if you want to, of course, but don't let anyone tell you what your grief timetable is supposed to be.

Don't give up. You are getting stronger every day even when it doesn't feel like it.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

My husband has been gone 4 months. Everything is still in his closet. I don't have the motivation to do anything about it. What's the rush? I'm not in denial, I just don't feel like dealing with it right now. It's hard enough just getting through one day at a time. I came up with a saying today "everyday is a first when you lose a spouse". I went to a play my friend was in today. Just me. Am very sad now not strong. Everybody has their own agenda. Go at your own pace. God Bless

Raj I too lost my husband unexpectedly, it was a Shock!!! I somewhat understand your grief. It has been 16 months for me. I also have a couple of widow friends that seem to be a lot stronger than me. Not sure if it is because their grief started when the husbands were diagnosed. We can not measure ones grief for we do not know all the circumstances. I can say yes, I am getting stronger looking back at my post and journals I see it. Also God has given me strength. I can also say whoa, because out of the blue I will just have a break down and not even know where it came from. As for getting rid of things I put an empty box in my closet and if it felt right I would drop an item maybe a few into the box. Sometimes I would pick an items and just have to hang it back up, just not ready to let go of quite yet. Take care and do things in your timing and at your comfort level. Hugs to you.

Hi Rajik, I know it is hard. It really does take time to feel that you are on firm footing. For me it took years. I couldn't get rid of Rick's clothes for a long time. They still smelled like him! I could go into the closet and bury my face in them. You will know when it is time to hang on and time to let go of different things. I will be praying for you. Be gentle with yourself. Hugs, Suzanne

Rajik
Im with you. Lost my partner of 24 years
in Feb. You can

Rajik
I lost my love of 24 years in feb
Web are all different in our grief process
I expect to be in shock for at least 6 months, deeper grieving for far longer. This is normal! If you have a deep love, chances are your heart is broken and its gonna be a marathon. The good news is that your capacity for pain is equal to your capacity for joy. You will be ok, its just old joy. right now.