Liz....I spent his birthday all alone and cried all day. I have Mother's Day, then Father;s day and then what would have been our 40th in July.....I have no idea how to spend those days.

The past couple of days I have been getting worse, crying more, etc. It will be 3 months tomorrow. I am not eating well, and a couple of days nothing at all.....easier not to eat than having to fix something.

The pain just washes over me and is simply awful.....how could this have happened.

I wish I had something positive to give you.

Hugs
Jen

I think your going to go through this a lot, but with time it gets easier. I don't know if the pain ever really goes away, but it diminishes with time. Talking about it can help, but usually we would rather keep our pain to ourselves. I still miss my wife very much, and I think I will always cherish her memory. There is nothing wrong with celebrating those special days with the memories of the loved one. If that's what you are feeling to do, then do it. Many people do it in different ways. it can be good, but if it gets overwhelming then you need to step back and just say this is too hurtful right now, perhaps later I can try. Have a good day.

For me, the anticipation of those special days causes anxiety for me. They are a reminder of how very much we lost. You can spend them however you want. Many people do plan things on those days and others would choose to be alone. There's no right way, just your way. I spent a great deal of time writing to my husband in the upcoming special times. For me it was comforting to talk to him. Others release balloons or plan way to get through the day. I wish you well and send you comfort in the way you choose. Sharon

I would bet you are so emotional because you are thinking about all the big anniversaries that are coming up. Try not to overthink it. I know when I did that it was the cause of anxiety attacks. Go back to getting trough one day at a time for a bit.

My husband's birthday was the worst "first" that I went through. All I could think about was how he wanted a big party to celebrate his 50th birthday. I cried all day and was okay the next.

I planned to celebrate our anniversary by doing random acts of kindness. Yeah... that did not happen this year... I spent the day in my pajamas. Maybe next year.

The anniversary of his death is two weeks away. I will let you know how that goes. Right now I am feeling much better than I have for the past 11 months. I sure it will be emotional, but I know it won't be as bad as last year.

through, not trough... wish we could edit these posts, my typing is terrible.

When these occasions arise, do whatever is in your heart at the time...whatever feels best to you.
My husband passed just before Easter. I bought a candle and set it on his memorial in the living room. I'll probably do something similar on his birthday, June 21 (he would have been 60)..

Yes, 9 months was another hard time, then comes 1 yr and 2 & 3 . None are easy. I am still struggling after 3 yrs 7 months. That's why everyone says its a roller coaster. No, I don't celebrate birthdays or any other days that were important in our lives together. He is gone and so are those days. Celebrate you now.
Hugs,
JoAnn

Hi Liz . . . So sorry to hear that you're struggling with anxiety and extra sadness right now. ;( Just remember it didn't come to stay . . "it came to pass". This rough patch will ease and you will find brighter days ahead.

It's hard to say what triggers these dark episodes . . . perhaps it is all the special days you mentioned that are upcoming . . . but not necessarily. I would try not to focus too much on the future and get back to one day at a time. I just finished my year of firsts as well as the first heaven anniversary. I think the anticipation and dread was far worse than the actual event(s) for me. As for "planning" . . I didn't. I just let the days come and dealt with them in whatever way and space I was feeling.

I will be thinking of you and as always, sending lots of healing energy your way. Be kind and gentle with self. You are flying solo now hon. You can do it, you are doing it . . you are stronger than you think. Hugs, Dayna

Liz,
Funny and Good that you mentioned this, I have been grappling with exactly the same feelings. It's so unnerving, it's like I have taken 2 steps back. I too, have Many "first" coming up, maybe you are right...it's just the anticipation!
I also have to travel to England, May 14th, my brother is critically ill. It could be a combination of things. I remember reading a few posts in 2014, that mentioned "the 9 month" stage....I never dreamed it would happen to me...but on this journey, I should never be surprised.
Thinking of you.....Sandra
Let me know, if you want any English sweets, I will get you some.

It is all a crazy ride. Some days feel okay and think "wow,it is slowly getting better." Then something will trigger those raw emotions. Tomorrow I see attorney to make necessary changes to our Trust. I need to take off my husband on power of attorney and health care directive, etc. It will be difficult once again.

Liz for me will 11 months next week and his birthday was yesterday. Sunday and Monday were horrible days seems like all I could do was cry. I didn't celebrate but visited the cemetery and planted 2 rose bushes one called Love and one Peace. The anniversary of his death is next month and have no idea how I will deal with that. Hoping for better days for all. Hugs Kat

Hang in there Liz! Dewman is wishing great things for your future. Positive mental attitude to you Liz.

Dewman back in MT tonight and Harley vacationing in South Carolina chasing lizards.

Peace to you!

D

Liz, I could have written this.. My husband of 56 years passed away
in July of last year.. for weeks, I could not bring myself to do simple chores around my house, it sounds funny, but I only today, 8 months later, ironed some clothes hanging in my laundry room. I didn't cook, I just ate snack food.. I'm still not that interested, I just know that if I don't eat better, my health will go down.

I have children living in my area, but, like you, I don't want to burden them. Thanks for listening.. G.G.

Liz.
those are some big days ahead.....I like that idea of a massage...I don't celebrate any of the big days but I do honor them in some way...each year it gets different...a little less on the emotional side and more of a quiet reflection....hugs your way...

Hi Liz,

My husband's b.day will be coming up in May. I've already put in for the day off from work, but don't know how I am going to spend it. Certainly not looking forward to it, but can't decide if I want to be alone or not. We were together 31 years, but not blessed with children so it is a bit different. I understand what you are saying about not wanting to burden your children, but if you don't mind a suggestion you may want to feel them out a bit to see how they feel.

Last year was the 1st b.day and anniversary of my father being gone - we (Mom, sibalings, the in-state grandchildren) wanted to be togetther and this included teenage grandchildren who were not "forced" to be there. We had a clambake (we are in New England) and those of us old enough shared a shot of his favorite whiskey (even though none of us drink it). We all found it a nice way to say so long. As we all know, the wake/funeral are a blur since we are all still in shock, so this was a better closure for us. This year I know we don't all have the same need-although I do plan on spending it with my Mom.

I understand what works for one may not for another, but just wanted to add another perspective. Wishing you peace in whatever you chose to do. I know it is a big decision, one I'm already fretting about myself.