I know how you feel. I lost my soul mate when he took his life in our bed while i was no more then 6 feet away on nov 3rd 2013. I left the house immediately and went to stay with my parents in another state over the holidays. I am back now and am having a very hard time. my love and i were living on his grandparents property in their old home. I am now back on the property but living with his brother in the newer home. I can see our house out the window. I feel lost and without a home. That home has so many amazing memories in it but being there without him is the hardest part. i can't get myself to stay there for more then a few hours at a time. I have no answers for you because i have no answers for myself either. i just wanted to tell you that i know...

My husband passed away overseas, the house is just as empty and cold because the heaters are not working and there is a leaky pipe. I had to shut off the water main until it is fixed so I moved to a little house that I had it build on my daughters property for the last two nights. Surprisingly I was very comfortable in the new place as if he was already there with me. Now I have not doubt about moving out. I will fix up the big house and put it on the market come Spring. I will miss all the memories of this house but he knows it is too big for me to maintain. Take your time to decide what is best for you and your children.

It is hard to to go places and see items that remind you of your love one. I remember how painful it was to clean out my husband's closet. It took me several weeks. I still have several boxes of my husband's items. I remember how hard it was when I would come home, and my husband wasn't sitting in his chair. It took me a long time, before I sat in that chair.

Since you do go back to the house occasionally, and you seem to handle having people there with you, maybe your ready for the next step. Face your fear in the eye, and try sleeping there for one night. It might be hard the 1st time, but you will be taking control of your house, and another part of your life.

You need to wait at least a year before you decide on what to do with house. If you cannot live in it then try to rent it. The rent will help you with the up keep.
At this time it is probably the best that you are staying with your parents they can help you with the children and let you have time for yourself.
I also dream of my husband, I know that I will never see him, or speak to him. I miss him all the time. I told this to my counselor yesterday and she told me that I will always miss him, but in time I will be able to cope with those feelings.
As long as you are putting one foot in front of each other you will be okay. Your children will help you. They will keep you busy and help occuply your mind. Hugs to you and your family.

I feel for you, you have so much to balance, while grieving Aaron's loss. My son is autistic, now 23 years old, and will require constant care for life. Matt at about 4years old to around 10, was prone to some outbursts. Grabbing arms mainly. Screaming and pounding on the floor at times.Our neurologist put him on low dose medication, which helped calm him some. As he aged, most of these behaviors disappeared, simply because despite the disability, he matured, and with that maturity came a much more calm demeanor. If you can get the right combination of medication for your son, hopefully his behavior will no longer be a threat to your baby, which will relieve a lot of stress for you. As your son matures, hopefully this will be less of a concern, especially as your youngest becomes more able to protect himself with age. It's so good that you are able to stay with your parents, and that they can help with their grandchildren. Death of your spouse changes completely the way you see your house, at least speaking for myself. what was once a source of joy, something to be proud of, becomes a painful reminder of who is missing. A house filled with echoes of what was. In my case, my son does not feel these things, and loves his home. Therefore, We will stay, at least for now. If it were just up to me, even after I built the deck, porches, cleared the brush to give us a great yard, and all the great memories with our friends and family, I would leave and start fresh. Even if I wouldn't move far, just different surroundings and perspective. For you, the way this happened, only makes those echoes more painful, both for you and the two of your children who will always know what happened in that garage. In my opinion, I would stay with your parents until you can sell the house. Then, perhaps find another house or rental near your parent's home. If you decide to stay and make it work in your present home, you may want to consider changing the interior by rearranging furniture, adding new artwork, re-painting, etc.., especially in the bedroom the two of you shared. This is what I have done, and am in the process of doing. I have also preserved and honored the love we shared by having special places in several rooms for our favorite photos and items that were precious to her. Balancing respect and love for our past with living in the present tense. I hope there is respite care of some type available to you through the County or State where you live. This could relieve some of the stress, and give you the time you need to get out with friends, and have a life that you so deserve with all you are dealing with. Please remember God loves you, your children and Aaron, and will give you strength. Hold on, it will improve. Hugs to you and your children: Robert.

All of your responses mean so much to me. Hearing your experiences and advice make me feel like I'm not so alone with this issue. My house is the thing I am most conflicted about. Thank you all for sharing with me.
I will reflect on these very thoughtful replies. *Hugs* to all of you