Hi Avmom. I am so sorry about your loss............what a horrible shock that had to have been. I do not doubt that you feel completely overwhelmed right now. Sometimes the old "one day at a time" doesn't work for us....................it's more like "one minute at a time."

As for the bills, call the companies and explain that you will have to work out a payment plan with them. Most people can't afford to pay all of the medical bills at once. My husband died of cancer and the medical bills were high and I just worked out a payment plan with the hospital. Believe me, they would rather get their money a little bit at a time than not at all! As long as you work something out with them, you will not have to worry about bill collectors or having your credit ruined.

Keep coming back here because everyone here has experienced the loss of a spouse and you never know when someone can help you with something because they experienced the same thing. Take care and I will keep you and your three kids in my thoughts and prayers.

Sylvia

Avmom, I'm sorry for the loss of your love and your children's father..Don't worry about the bills right now, you usually have 30-60 days to pay or respond..Sylvia is correct call them and let them know what's going on..Also contact social security your children might be entitled to some benefits..
You might want to go to your doctor and see if they can help with your anxiety..If you have problems with addiction he should be able to help you with that..
I know you're feeling overwhelmed right now..But take a deep breath and take care of yourself and your kids, they are grieving the loss of their father as well..Don't do anything for a while as far as bills, they'll be plenty of time for that..Just take care of you right now..
Come here often, this site and the wonderful people here all know what you're going through..This site literally saved my life..I lost my Husband, Dennis 21 months ago to a sudden heart attack, he passed in his sleep and I found him...My heart breaks for you because I remember what those first months were like, the pain of loss, anger, crying non-stop, feeling guilty, a useless emotion by the way, it changes nothing..Feelings of regret..
Do you have someone at work who can help you, a family member you can call who might be able to help? Just give it time you have to go straight through grieve, there are no short-cuts sad to say..Never let anyone tell you should be over him in a certain amount of time, everyone heals at their own pace..And when they talk about him always use his name..He wasn't an it, he was the love of your life and father of your children and deserves to have his name used when talking about him..
Peace and prayers to you and your children...Gail..

It's just been six months for me since I lost my hubby of 28 yrs. I had been caregiver for him for several yrs. You really do a good part of your identity don't you. I attended a grief share program thru my church which really helped me see things in better focus. I was able to connect with people who are going thru what I am. Have you checked for stuff similar to tha6 around where you are. It was wonderful to be a group of people that didn't mind if I sat there & cried, in fact a few of them cried with me. They made everything I'm going thru be real & acceptable. I think it's important to try & tell yourself that while this event in recent life is taking it's place in the past of your life. It will do it's part to help you become better & even grow going forward. It' funny though isn't it that events like this in life really put "friends" in persective doesn't it. I'm still being disappointed by people that I thought were valid strong points in my life & it does hurt doesn't it. But right now I'm trying to reach out to other things & expand my horizons & reconnect with the world. It's hard though & right now I'm really down in the dumps & with no notice the tears will start to fall. But I've learned that it's part of me right now & I am trying to learn from it.

It has been 18 days since my wife died. She had COPD and cogestive heart failure 6 weeks before she died. I didn't think her time was up we were focusing on a full recovery. Even though my circumstances are different I feel part of me is missing. Mostly I take each day at a time not letting life overwhelm me for working through the grief and dealing with the loss is the most important part of healing and starting over. The decisions I
dayly make are difficult but easier if I have some peace in my heart. I am struggling, sad for my loss, feel numb but but continue to do the neccessary things so I can try to remember the good in her and the times together without the troubles and worries take over. Wish you the very best. Dwight

Avmom, I reread my post and my comment about addiction, I meant to say if you're afraid you can become addicted to anxiety or depression drugs, talk to your doctor..I took something for both and I'm glad I went to the doctor after my daughter made me an appointment, I waited five months to see a doctor and wish I had gone sooner.. I had never taken anything stronger than an Advil and was afraid of getting hooked on them..I no longer take anything..For me anxiety was the worst, I couldn't sleep or eat, grieving takes a toll you, it's alright to get help from your doctor, sometimes we need it just to function..
Once again I hope I didn't offend you?..It just takes time....Gail

I used to care about being called a widow or not..now it just seems to define who and what i am. I have a "new" personalty now too. Its been just over a year and i still feel dead inside..the shock is still there too..my everything is gone !! The one person who i could connect to on every level is gone. I still have his clothes and his blown up picture and pictures up. I had him creamed and his ashes are on my headboard where i can sleep "with him. I have pillows where he used to sleep so i can cuddle at night with him..I have alot of pillows now. There is no rush to "get over " him as that will never happen..i just go through my daily life. No happiness just still here..but i figure i must be here for something or maybe its a punishment i am not sure..Take it day by day or second by second and Breathe and try and pray..its what keeps me sane. (Hugs)

Avmom, Our "Friends" have stayed away in droves.....since John retired and was so frail from COPD. FIVE YEARS. Friends stopped calling and coming over to visit. No one wants to get involved. They are afraid of our tears, of hearing about our loved one. It's been 15 months for me since his death from Cardiac Arrest and I have luckily made ALL NEW friends. People I met in a Grief Session. The meetings are over but we continue to get together once or twice a week. If not for these women I would be so alone. I devoted five years to this wonderful man.....his friends left, no longer called him. He was a gregarious man who loved people. Where did all these lifelong friends go? Wherever it is, I won't go there to help them when they have these problems. I will never forgive them. Avmom..it happens to most of us.