I am sorry, I can understand why you feel the way you do. My birthday is the end of November. Everything is coming at once. Take care of yourself. Marilyn

That must, indeed, be very painful. It's like they don't remember. But, of course, no one remembers our lives like we ourselves do.

It is sad for you that he died on a holiday. I remember when you first came on here and told your story. I was so very sorry for how your honeymoon ended. My heart will always remember you with affection for what you have been through.

As for holidays, I would recommend not pushing yourself to do anything you don't want to do. Try to have someone with you for a portion of the day that you feel comfortable talking with and who shares your pain that day. My husband died exactly one week before Christmas and that does color my feelings about the holiday celebrations. You are not alone. There are many people who have suffered loss around the holidays and we support each other here. We are the only ones who know what that kind of pain is. May peace be with you tomorrow! Hugs to you!

Holidays are hard, but it must be so much harder when someone dies at holiday time. I am sorry for your pain. I wish you peace and a brighter new year coming. Sharon

My husband died on Easter morning so I understand how you feel. I hope your day goes as well as possible tomorrow. Try to remember the good memories and think about the many things in your marriage that you were/are thankful for.

Thanks, everyone.

Thanksgiving will always remind me of the day that I stood a few feet away from the paramedics on the beach and hearing them chat cheerfully about what they were doing for Thanksgiving dinner while my husband was dying. It will remind me of the day when I had to make all those difficult phone calls from my hotel room in Maui and had to tell my family and friends about the terrible news right after Thanksgiving dinner for some of them. I just cant say the words happy and Thanksgiving in the same sentence anymore.

I appreciate everyone's replies and I hope you all get through Thanksgiving and all the holidays OK. It really is a tough time for all of us. Big hugs and peace to you all. xoxo

Alice

Thanks, Bellabirdy. I'm sorry that your husband died on Easter morning. That is tough too. You'll remember it twice every year. The actual date and on Easter whenever that falls.

It's tough to remember all the good memories from our marriage because we were only married for 12 days. My husband died on our honeymoon so I only have the memories from our honeymoon. My husband has now been gone longer than I have known him from the time we were dating.

kwoker, I am so sorry. to have a spouse pass away on a special major hospital. That is like a double whammy as the date is etched in the mid forever long before it arrives. And two days later your birthday, i can see why November is not a good month. My prayers are with you.

No one else remembers it as you do. Yes, it hurts and will for quite sometime, but, it does eventually get a little easier.

My husband died ON my birthday ~~ the 21st of Dec. ~~ just before Christmas. His funeral was on Dec. 23rd. We did as he always said for us to do ~~ get him buried asap! I agreed with him though. Of course, I always told him that he didn't know he would go before me,. (He insisted that he DID know. ) He had a heart attack ~~sudden cardiac arrest. My husband was a big strong man, never took medicine, maybe a cold once or twice a year. That was it.
It was such a SHOCK!! It was at my birthday/Christmas party for friends and family. Some had already left, but, several were still at my friend's house (where the party was) with me when it happened.

I've always loved Christmas, Christmas music, giving gifts, etc. Our house was totally decorated that year.

I have to admit on the first anniversary ~~ I only had a 2 ft. tree sitting on a small table. Just couldn't decorate that year (but did put that little tree up because of my grandkids). My oldest daughter always loved decorating too, but she barely decorated (and only b/c of her boys did some) that first anniversary. She lives right beside me and has always been a BIG daddy's girl. Her daddy's death was only 4 days past her birthday.

Next month, Dec. 21st will be 5 years since the absolute worst day of my life. I can tell you it does get easier as the years go by ~~ with grief work. There will always be a part of your heart that is sad, but, you adjust and can actually be happy and have joy for the season ~ again. I will begin decorating this next week, and will enjoy my family, esp my grandkids and my own children.

There will always be certain days that may cause sadness, even tears as time goes on, but, those days, or even just a few hours are going to happen. Thank the Lord, I don't have them too often anymore! The memories are sweeter now and don't hurt much, now, there are more smiles. Just occasionally a few tears now.

On those "special" days, plan something with someone. It definiely helps. That's what I have done every year since Joe died. This will be the first year that I will stay home on that day. I have planned trips with all my kids, or just one when the other 2 couldn't go ~~ until this year. This year my niece and her husband and my new little great nephew are coming to spend the night with me. I am excited because I've only seen pictures of the baby. They live in Virginia and are coming here for our family Christmas. Then, they will go on over to GA to be with her mother and sisters and friends. This is my brother's youngest daughter. He died not quite 2 yrs after my husband and this baby was named after my brother. So, I can hardly wait to see him and hold him!!

I've found that looking forward to something on those special days is much better for me. Everyone has to handle it the best way they can. It's different for each and every one of us.

There will be people here to "listen". Sorry so long......just wanted you to know that I understand.

Best wishes for the Holidays.
Hugs, Joely

Norm went into cardiac arrest on Dec. 24th......off life support on the27th and funeral on the 31st.......dreadful..................however, after almost 3 yrs..........feel that I miss him as much every day...holiday or not.....................Our birthdays and anniversary...........Oct. Nov..............and fall ws our favorite time together...............so I get how you are feeling...........sometimes I do olike to be with family and other times, I just want to be alone with memories..................keeping us all in prayer.Lori

I know just how you feel. My husband died Christmas evening last year of lung cancer. His breathing was difficult for him on Thanksgiving. It was like he hit all the holidays with the confirmation on April 1st & ankle surgery on Holloween.

I went to my daughters for Thanksgiving & going to my sisters for Christmas. I just can't be home for the holidays this year.

May God be with all of us to get thru this season. Esther

December is NOT a good month for me, so I can fully relate. My husband died in May 2009, but his cancer and recurrence were both diagnosed right around Christmas. We were even in the hospital December 26 so he could receive a lymph node biopsy.

My dear mother also passed on December 22, which is a day before my sister's birthday. I call my sister every year and say you know why I am calling. She answers yes.

There is no good way to handle getting through a holiday. You just do the best you can. And, there is no need to explain to everyone that it isn't your favorite holiday. That usually opens Pandora's box for conversations you don't want to participate in, or the person you are expressing it too doesn't really care anyway. They feel helpless to comfort you, and sometimes they just don't care. It hasn't happened to them.

My husband was sick on Thanksgiving 2010 and collapsed and went into the hospital on the day after Thanksgiving. We spent the next several weeks there--his birthday and Christmas there on life support--he passed away on New Year's Day 2011--so all those holidays are difficult. This will be my second holiday season without him--and although I expected it to be easier than last year it isn't--it's been harder. I think it's probably normal to feel the way we do--sadness, a bit of bitterness or anger--a range of emotions that we can't help. I'm so sorry for your loss at such a young age and for the pain this month must bring--I think all you can do is let yourself feel what you feel and pray that it will get easier as time passes. I think Joely makes a good point--no one else remembers it as you do--so they don't connect the dots. Hugs
Wanda

I am so sorry to hear about your husband passing on thanksgiving..
My dear Paul and I were only able to spend only one of each of the holidays together. With Thanksgiving being our last and only first holiday being Thanksgiving. It will be 3 years on the 3rd of December since I lost him.
I had lost my first husband during memorial day weekend in 2008.
23 years ago, my son was born 2 days before thanksgiving and passed when he was only 6 days old.
I cannot say I know what you are going through with surviving the holidays(no one can). But all of us here can understand,
This website has been such a blessing to me...I hope it has been to you. Please remember that we are here for you to lean on.
Take care of yourself

Cliff died on Veterans Day. Every year there is a lot of stuff about remembering the fallen on that day, and then it is right into the Thanksgiving-Christmas-New Years holiday season. Because he died Veterans Day, this will be the 6th Christmas season without him.

What helped us was to make new traditions - for instance, now we have home-made pizza every year for Thanksgiving - Cliff always did the turkey and that will never be again, so we found something we enjoy doing as a family instead. It helps to make plans, and I agree with Debbie - don't feel you have to explain to anybody.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

My father died on Thanksgiving many years ago. My husband died on Dec. 16, 2010. I do decorate a bit and try to remember Christmas for what it is - a religious holiday that can inspire great hope in bereaved people. As for the shopping and commercial aspect, once I've taken care on the grandchildren I don't much care. Like many others here I do what suits me with whom I please. I plan on being right here a lot in December.