Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
A few weeks ago, I asked for advice regarding moving in with my father. He's 82, has a horrible temper, and we have never gotten alone. Well, after listening to your advise, I decided to go against it and move in. I decided because I strongly suspect my father has a mental disorder.
Well, flash forward to now and many arguments with him later. My blood pressure went up by 40 points overnight. Both the top and bottom number are three digits. I'm a nervous wreck. And guess what, guys. You were right. I shouldn't move in. Some people suggested I move closer. I agree. I canceled the decorator, the painter, and everyone else I could find that were planning to help me move in and I'm staying where I am. I told him today and then fell to the floor crying like you'll never bellieve.
Here I am, a recent widow, and I'm not crying over my husband, I'm crying because I feel like I just rejected my father. I know it's for the best, but it still hurts. It's all I can think about now. I'm an only child and always felt it was my duty to be there for my parents, but with my blood pressure so high, I'm on my way to going to heaven. Which means I still won't be here to help him.
Thanks to everyone for giving me the right advice. I may have made the mistake of my life.
Well, flash forward to now and many arguments with him later. My blood pressure went up by 40 points overnight. Both the top and bottom number are three digits. I'm a nervous wreck. And guess what, guys. You were right. I shouldn't move in. Some people suggested I move closer. I agree. I canceled the decorator, the painter, and everyone else I could find that were planning to help me move in and I'm staying where I am. I told him today and then fell to the floor crying like you'll never bellieve.
Here I am, a recent widow, and I'm not crying over my husband, I'm crying because I feel like I just rejected my father. I know it's for the best, but it still hurts. It's all I can think about now. I'm an only child and always felt it was my duty to be there for my parents, but with my blood pressure so high, I'm on my way to going to heaven. Which means I still won't be here to help him.
Thanks to everyone for giving me the right advice. I may have made the mistake of my life.
I hope you can walk this road slowly as you deal with the argumentative attitude. I pray you will be able to keep your cool while taking excellent care of your health and emotional state. Your dear husband would want this for you. TJ
Don't beat yourself up over this. As children we owe our parents love and respect, but we don't owe them our lives. Just do the best you can do while still protecting yourself.
I have a similar relationship with my parents. I love them, but I can't be around them for long. My husband's biggest worry in the last year of his life was that my parents (my mother in particular) would take over my life.
You deserve a life and as much happiness as you can find for yourself.
Take care of yourself. You're in my thoughts.
But I am going to air on the side of thankfulness.
I am glad you are taking care of yourself. Closer is perhaps best for you at this point in time. I wouldn't look at this as you rejecting your father because you are still going to be there for him to help him out as much as you can your just limiting your contact which is doing the best thing for you. When you are stronger dealing with your dad may seem more managable. For now please do not feel guilty for taking care of yourself.
I remember when I felt like I was literally dying. My blood presure was also high, I was loosing hair in clumps and was extremely depressed and having a hard time getting a solid nights sleep. I went to the doctor to have a full physical with all the lab work only to find out my iron was extremely low which is why I was sleeping constantly and my hair was falling out due to stress and my blood presure was up because of my supervisor chewing me out at work in front of everyone and being totally overwhelmed with taking care of kids, house, bills, work and generally not feeling loved. I felt like I was giving to everyone else but not getting much in return.
Long story short the test results came back normal. and I will finish this story when I get back from picking up my son.
I am the same person I have always been but emotionally and mentally I am more stable and in control of myself than I ever was. My mom came to visit twice in the past year and both times she acted like she was the queen of England wanting to be waited on hand and foot. She is not old in my opinion but she acts like she is well into her 90's. Her mom, my grandmother, never acted to entitled to being treated like that ever in her entire life and lived to be 103 years old. I doubt my mom will live to see 90 with how she takes care of herself. I can only imagine if I were to move back in with her. She would be wanting me to wait on her hand and foot and world war III might just break out over something stupid. I could not have handled this while I was grieving and now that I am not grieving I am not going to attempt it because I like the peace and tranquility I have right now. If she needed me I would help out but I would maintain my space. The only way she would get me under the same roof is if she was bed ridden and could not do for herself legitimately.
Myhope, I wasn't being sarcastic. This group has been great, helping me in ways I coulnd't imagine.