Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

When will the next one go?...

pseudowidow
pseudowidow
I just fell asleep on the couch and woke up with the baby cat I adopted from the road soon after my love died, playing around with a wire. The baby looks fine, I still didnt give him a name, have been waiting all this time - my loves body died almost a month ago - to make sure he survives. And now I wonder how much time will I have this baby cat. And the others. And my Dad. Who will be the next to go? Will it be me?... I have trying to make a will that includes the cats, since we didnt have children and I have no brothers nor sisters, but in this country this type of idea is dismissed as eccentric, and legislation is very weird. I havent given up though, I will research if there is more I can do about this.
So even though many here have rebuilt their lives, and found happiness, my experience is that, one by one, almost all are gone, and I am 42. Many have passed, but specially Mom and, less than a month ago, my love. If I were the next to go, then surely Dad would be horrible sad. If I werent, then...
It is very hard to see what would be "the best", but I guess the best is if I survive Dad, so he doesnt have to go through grieving over me.
So I wonder if anybody out there has these recurrent thoughts, and how do you "transform" them into something healthy and positive.
dl1959
dl1959
We all dread that next death. But we cant live thinking about it. We dont know Gods plan.
You are still in the early stages of grief. Remember to take care of yourself, drink lots of water and remember to eat.
hang in there it will ger better

Diane
onebrokenheart
onebrokenheart
I guess I have been too much in a fog to consider what would happen to my cat and bird when I pass on. Like you I have no children and none of my family would take them on. I hope you will write a post if you find out anything on this subject. You asked how to transform your thoughts to something healthy and positive. I believe the desire to make a change is the first step. I am at 8 months and my emotions and thoughts have been like a roller coaster. Some days I feel strong and positive and then I have my bad days where all I want is to die. On the really bad days I curl up under the covers and hold on to my husbands fuzzy bathrobe. Weird but somehow that comforts me some. I have been to two support groups and that helped but lately I have been on a downward spiral again so I called the grief counselor at the hospice and will be starting another group. I don't really feel like going but I think the forward motion will be better for me than hiding under the covers.
Community Leaderacuriousfish
acuriousfish
Our loss sort of wakes us up from the dream that we are somehow personally immortal and the people close to us are the same. Our loss is felt as a betrayal of certainty, of the universe and I think alot of us think "who's next?"

I think there is little to do, eventually that fear lessens but if they continue to paralyse or bother then I think a counsellor might be helpful.
NewRoadsForMe
NewRoadsForMe
I remember years ago when my first "close" experience with death occurred. My former husband (father of my children) dropped dead at age 54, only 3 years after the end of our 20-year marriage. What a shock. Then less than 3 years later, my father died suddenly of brain cancer. I was thrust into the same situation in my thinking as you are going through. Who is next? Is everyone going to leave me? Well, then answer became, "No one will leave anytime soon now." It was 20 years later before I lost another family member. So, I found out that losing one person does not mean another one is right behind it. Maybe so and probably not. But it is something we have no control over. We still have lots of family members living. Everyone grieves for the lost loved one. It is the hardest time of life. Right now, with recent losses, it's hard to focus on the positive in life. But as time passes (slowly) it will lessen in pain. I did not believe I could ever stop hurting, but I have healed a lot in the almost 4 years since my (2nd) husband died. I am doing OK. You will, too, in time. Hang in there! We care!
chilipepper328
chilipepper328
I've had the same worry of losing someone else I love and can only pray it does not come for a very long time, it would completely break me. Keep writing, keep talking, let it all out so you can relieve yourself of the bad thoughts. Xo
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