Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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ramar 04/02/2015

We write about parts of our lives, sorrow we feel. But we never really know much about each other or their lost loves. So decided to post what I'm missing most from Ray being gone that at the time doing it was pesty.

I'm miss drivng to the lake behind him and his bass boat. He'd pull up to the ramp, get his equipment set and boat undone from the trailer. He'd get into the boat and I'd back it up into the water so he could go and fish. Used to he would give me a time when I needed to come and pick him up, have the trailer in the water so he could just drive on. But that was really to pesty as I'd always have to watch the time. Ramp is about 2 blocks away.

We mostly worked sales together, long trips across the county, at least 6-8 hour drives or more. If I went by myself we'd talk many times during the day. At night we'd talk a ton. That was so sweet and I am going to miss that a lot. What was pesty was when i was driving home he'd call and complain if I wasn't in a motel by 9-10 o'clock at night. I'd say I'm really close..But actually would want to keep driving so I could get home sooner.
I really missed him when I was gone on a trip, couldn't wait to get back home to him.

When Ray went fishing I would do farm chores. He'd come home and stand by the back gate wanting me to stop what I was doing and come fix him lunch or get cleaned up so we could go into town. Darn I'd think to myself, wish he'd have stayed out longer..

And last, because I could go on for a while...when we'd go to town he was the social butterfly..We'd have to visit the bank so he could check on direct deposits, or whatever, talk for a long time. Good thing we live rural and they weren't busy..Would go to the grocery store and he'd talk to the check out gals. His favorite was going to the Discount Amish grocery store, he'd talk forever to the Amish ladies. They'd ask him all kinds of questions, they are pretty sheltered.

So those are a few things I will so miss that at the time thought they were pesty and got a tad aggravated..Now would love to be able to do them again.. life is funny sometimes..ok have fun with this maybe we can all smile a little

themaster 04/02/2015

Nothing was really pesky... There were movies she would want me to watch with her that I didn't particularly care about. That's about it. But I never refused to watch any. It didn't really bother me, too much.

Now, I'd give anything to do it again...

AngelaJo 04/02/2015

I miss Lees voice, i miss how he was before his car accidnet, i was told by someone that was at the gas station where he was hit that when he said hi to him in the store he had a bounce in his step and was so cheerful and then he saw the crash..... I miss that bounce in his step. I miss the I love you before he would go anywhere even if we had a fight and every night before bed and during the day. I miss his hugs his love his cuddles. Most of all i miss him being well and healthy. I would not want him back the way he was after his accident because he suffered so much. We drove 4 days and 4 nights from California to Upper Michigan and i have pictures to remember it by, we had our ups and downs but most of the trip was fun and one i will never forget.

ramar 04/02/2015

It's nice even the downs are fond memories now..

cliffskat 04/02/2015

I miss not having to explain everything. Cliff and I were together a long time - 30 years - and we met when I was only 20, he was only 25. It felt like we grew up together, and somehow over those years sort of melded together. We finished each other's sentences - we were often of one mind, despite being very different in some ways. He trusted my judgment, he trusted my intelligence, and he knew what my life experiences were that created the opinions and beliefs I had - he was there for most of it and had been a huge influence.

When you were a kid, did you have a sibling or good friend you played with that could run as fast as you could? Do you remember the sheer joy of going full-tilt and top speed with them? That's what it was like in a way for me being with Cliff, and for him being with me to be fair! We could keep up with each other - even at top speed.

Some things I don't miss and never will - like listening to his Bob Dylan albums (sorry, I know it's sacrilege to you 60's kids out there, but can't stand him). I don't miss all the cigarette burns everywhere because he would leave them burning in ashtrays. I don't miss his snoring - sounded like a jetliner in a wind tunnel. But I do miss him. I miss his Cliff-ness.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

ramar 04/02/2015

MARTHA..THAT WAS SO SWEET...

Shrn 04/02/2015

I miss his presence, just seeing him sitting in his chair with the newspaper trying to read with a dog on his lap. I miss him calling, "Hey, hon. It's 11:11" and laughing.

I miss grabbing my chaps and leather jacket and meeting our friends for a long ride through country roads, stopping for coffee and meals. That was a huge part of our lives and having our children riding their bikes with us.

I miss the cruises we took and those we planned that never happened. I miss his smile and his love and I always will. Sharon

doyew 04/02/2015

Small things -- I miss the sound of his spoon clinking in the coffee cup. He drank it constantly. Also, the paper turned to "the puzzle page"; the sound of football games on the tv all thru Fall & Winter; the sound of popping corn on Sunday afternoons in the middle of football frenzy. His clothes in the hamper, his warmth in the bed on cold nights --- his presence in my life for almost 51 years.

durbgirl 04/02/2015

I miss everything about him (even his snoring!) but most especially I miss the fact no-one in the world cares / loves me the way he did (I know the kids love me but it's not the same). Actually I must admit I do NOT miss the awful sci-fi moves/series he loved - they scared the s..t out of me:-)

sheenamary 04/02/2015

After my husband died, a dear lady said to me...

"loss is the continuous presence of absence"

which I thought was so profound and so very true. We're all living it every day.

praised 04/02/2015

I miss him never using a coaster and always putting his glass right the end of the table. He knew how to push my button. I miss when he would out, he would call me and ask what did I want to eat, (I have lost weight.) I miss going to worship every sunday together. He was an usher and sang in the men's choir. Now my daughters pick me up every sunday. I miss shouting downstairs when something came on tv that I though he would like. Most of the time, we watched separate tvs.
This will be my second year of holidays without him playing the perfect host. It is still hard for our children to come to our house because his absence is so greatly missed.

zinger56 04/02/2015

I miss everything. He loved restoring mustangs and collected them. He was always looking for parts and I can't tell you how much time we spent together in junk yards getting prized parts. Pesky though would be he was a huge race fan and had to watch it all NHRA, NASCAR, SPRINT if it was racing or qualifying he was watching. I was not a great fan and complained how it ruled our TV. If I could do it over I would sit beside him and watch them all. I missed his phone calls this winter when roads were slick he always called to make sure I arrived safe at work. He was always there for me for 42 years now memories are all I have and I cherish them.

KimKos 04/03/2015

I miss my Jim's voice..it was very deep...I miss the way he would rumble the house with his bike...I miss the way he would sing off key really loud and just roll off words that weren't in the song...I miss his snoring...I like snoring noise..I miss the way he would run like hell if I brought up budgeting....or bill paying yet mention there was an extra 10 bucks there he was...I miss the feel of his body..mainly his forearm...I would sit for hours in our room next to his hospital bed and just rub it....sometimes he would say.."what am I the f**ken dog" And I would say "No..the dog is over there...slepping in that big giant bed"....and he would say "That F**ker"........:-)

SandyV1 04/03/2015

He had no sense of time and was always late. He always left his clothes on the floor even right next to the hamper. The house was constantly cluttered with whatever he was reading, working on, tinkering with (I couldn't see the dining table most of the time). He would fall asleep in front of the television and I'd have to wake him to come to bed. He'd ring to say he was on his way home and then get caught up at work and forget to let me know. I miss it all!

matoacalady 04/03/2015

I miss his presence, his voice, his sly sexy smile.....the way he held me and told me everything will be ok.....I miss his laugh that always ended with snorting.....I miss curling up to his back when I slept. I miss the joy of just being with him.

This grief is a joyless, desolate place and I hate it......he wasn't supposed to leave me....he promised!

onebrokenheart 04/03/2015

I do not miss the cigarette smoke and burn holes. I do not miss the stains and stickiness from his spilling his Dr Pepper and not cleaning up after. That man did love his Dr Pepper. But of all things...I actually miss the war movies! He was a very proud veteran and he watched war movies all the time and wanted me to sit next to him and hold his hand. I thought I would not miss those movies as any thought of violence and killing bothers me but I actually do miss watching those movies with him and I found myself recently watching one and I pulled myself some soda pop and toasted Don.

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