Oh I so remember this stage and I am willing to be a few of my old neighbors do too.

I had a set of dishes I really hated. I put them in a pillowcase that I was not fond of either. Took the whole load with hammer out to my back deck and beat the pea snot out of them.

Dang, I felt so good after that.

Hugs, Holly

Ah, my straw for shelters kinda is all over the place in one fit of rage

I guess you have to find a way to vent it preferably not at those you care about, or a person. dang it anyway cause there is a few I wanted to well guess I better not say....

i just went off then later on felt bad and told who ever i was sorry but that is the way i am i speak my mind .almost evey time when i said i was sorry,who ever it was said it was o k they khow how i was doing..just vent it feels good .scott

Hi. I've been dealing with anger for 4 years, mainly directed at my in-laws and the way they treated their son when he was dying, and my girls, and me. It may sound creepy, but when I was at the cottage, I wrote down on seperate pieces of paper, each thing that was making me so angry.

I had the woodstove on, and I would put the papers in one at a time and watch them burn. It was very cathartic. As the smoke rose up, I tried to let it go. Felt good at the time, but it has returned in some cases. I also try to tell myself when the anger rises, that I will not waste one more minute of my life thinking about the person or situation that has come up. they all have taken so much of my time already.

Also, keeping a journal helps, actually writing it down and looking at it can help you seperate yourself from it a little. It's out of your system, down in black and white, and it defuses it.

Don't know if this helps, but I'm willing to try any trick in the book to rid myself of this lingering anger. Good luck. Hugs, Kathy59

@Kathy My anger at my husband sons for way they immediately treated me and for things I have been told they still say. So many people have told me they have heard of the same, or same thing, extended families bring out the greed SO SAD

I just get so *&%$# poed and upset. I try to stop myself & say they are not worth it, I HOLLER STOP NEGATIVITY STOP IT. Sometimes it is so hard...

I think I will the journaling and writing it out to see if it helps

I understand what you are going through - I would go off at people at random, mainly people that kept calling or sending stuff when I had asked them several times not to.

I think Holly's idea is great.

yup, it looks like Holly wins! I haven't sacrificed a pillowcase and a set of dishes yet, but I'm looking at some cheap dinnerware in a different way now!!

I'll come back and check this post for the next couple of day now!

Have a decent day Everyone!!

jules

Anger is definatly an emotion that comes up again and again when grieving such a tragic and life altering loss. My husband died of a brain tumor only five and a half months after dx so I had a whole whole lot of anger. It was coming out at work with my boss and with others close to me so I decided I needed a safe outlet for it. I wacked a stuffed thing against my pillow and yelled at the top of my lungs some times and others I wacked one pillow against another on my bed and yelled until I got it all out and cried. It seems to build up every few months, and it's back to beating the pillow for me. Accepting the anger and finding safe ways to get it out is the best thing to do. Also exercise helps work it out of our bodies, where it can settle in and make us sick otherwise.

Yes we have a real SOLID reason to be mad as hell.

Good luck letting it out in good ways.

hugs...
-Diana

Anger is all a part of this journey. I would get angry when I would have to finish something my husband had started and never got a round to finishing..I would get so frustrated with having to deal with it...deal with anything. I used all my patience on holding myself together. Now that you are aware of your anger's potential..think before you blow up..

Oh yes. Anger is part of the grieving process, for some more than others, depending on the circumstances surrounding the death, and what happens afterward.

I think the key is trying to find ways to express it without hurting anyone else, even verbally.

I did break a few dishes along the way--purposely. That felt good. I also yelled at the top of my lungs when no one was home, in the shower, in my car. That was great. I could sense that it was eating me away inside so I wrote, wrote, wrote it out. And then, when it was going on longer than I was comfortable with, I asked God to take it from me, and began meditating on peace, love, and tranquility. That worked amazingly well. I realized that I would never be able to work out in my head what I wanted to, would never be able to make sense of it all--so I just had to give it up. Release it. I would take slow, deep breaths, visualize someplace tranquil, and repeat words to myself that made me feel good. After a while I no longer had to do this a lot because it became part of me.

It is a process, though, and part of what we have to go through. Good luck to you.

Hugs,
Amy

I went through the anger stage. I blamed everything that went wrong on my husband's death. It comes and goes sometimes. I have realized I get frustrated easily when I am over tired. Yelled at my 2 yr old last night, poor little boy just looks at me like "what now?" So i calmed down, put in Finding Nemo and snuggled up in bed with my baby and we fell asleep. Today is much better!

I think the two most effective things to deal with the anger were (1) counseling and (2) pounding my pillows with my fists. I had to have a safe place to release the anger, I didn't want to do that in front of my kids. Counseling was my private place to scream and yell. I strongly urge everyone who can to get at least some counseling even if only for a short time. Pounding my pillows hurt no one and it got it out right away.

If you have kids, be aware that they will go through the anger phase, too. It's worthwhile making sure their school guidance counselor and teachers are aware of what's going on so they can be supported rather than punished when it comes up. My younger son was a senior in high school when Cliff died, and he had an anger burst at one of his teachers. Because we were all working on it together, the teacher knew it wasn't directed at her and he was not disciplined for it. He also received counseling for free from the school psychologist.

If you have more than one child, they may also try to take it out on each other. Siblings get on each other's nerves sometimes, and when the emotions are raw and powerful, they may lash out at each other. This makes our own grief that much harder - as a parent you do twice the grieving because you hurt for your kids, too. It's important to give them other ways to express the anger. My sons both had counseling, I encouraged them to do the pillow pounding stuff, and they both spent time playing computer games and raging at the computer. It's a guy thing. We got through it, it wasn't easy.

The anger will come up again and again and again. Once you can recognize it for what it is, though, it becomes easier to deal with it and not let it derail you or worse get you into trouble.

Hope this helps. Love and Hugs, Martha

Just when I think I've finished with my anger issues and a few weeks go by, a trigger will occur and I'm full of anger again, screaming and crying (at home alone or in the car). The scary thing is never knowing what my body, mind, and emotions are going to do to me. I'm at one year and thought things would pretty well be settled by now. NOT SO! This bucking bronco is still full of fury and throws me around at will, whenever.

I must have skipped the anger phase. I am sad and starting to get resigned. My husband was older than most of the spouses here. He was 87 and no longer himself due to dementia. Although I miss him dearly, I knew that there was no alternative but for him to die. That doesn't mean that I am not grief-stricken, because I am. But I am so grateful that he lived a long life with so many illnesses along the way. I took care of him for 17 years and brought him through several serious surgeries and illnesses. I never expected him to be able to live so long. He is gone now and I am trying to deal with the pain of not having him in my life, but I need to keep going regardless. Maybe I will feel anger later, I don't know, but right now I don't. Judith

I am still really mad at 8 months. I am mad at God because my husband suffered with so much pain that could not be alleviated. Bill was such a good and gentle man......................the memories of how he died haunt me to this day. He did not want to die and I feel guilty that I am still allowed to live. I miss him every single second.