I am so sorry for your loss but glad you found us. This is a very caring, supportive group. It takes time to find your way through to the new "normal" and a lot of it is hit-and-miss; different things work for each person. Some people find that a local grief support group or counselling is helpful, and/or reading books on grief. Journaling either on paper or online also helps a lot of people. I wrote "letters" to my husband frequently after he first died, telling him what I would have told him if he were still here, from my feelings to just the little everyday things I wanted to share, and it helped me a lot. Sometimes trying to join a new church, social club or class helps, where you don't need a partner to participate, and it gives you a chance to meet some new people with common interests. The main thing is to take care of yourself, keep moving forward, and realize that grief takes awhile to go through - there is no one-fits-all time-table. You are not alone; we all understand. I hope you will feel just a little bit better today. Hugs, laurabp

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. You have come to a good place with many caring people. I lost my husband just over 3 months ago and I am stilll experiencing very similar feelings at this stage in my grief. I do know you can`t look too far ahead because it is overwhelming and too sad. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hugs Lu Ann

How awful - my heart goes out to you. I'm glad that you found this site - it's been so wonderful - and you are right, nobody understands unless they have been through it. Don't shut out those who are trying to help you - even if it's to say ''I don't know what I need''. Shock is a real thing - I was in a fog, and carried on almost like nothing happened until ----BAM. Shelli's advice to write things down worked for me - in the beginning my head was swimming. The people here, and their stories let you realize that your feelings are normal - that was a big help for me. Also as Kirk said, being able to help someone else - even if it's to laugh is so great. Sorry you are here - but glad you are here - you know what I mean. Peace to you, and take care of yourself. Vicki

I am so very, very sorry that you lost your dear husband. DS is a good place to start. There are many wonderful people on here and it's a place of understanding and encouragement where you can express everything you feel and be open and honest about all you are going through.

As to where one starts a new life on their own ..... it requires T-I-M-E. None of us who have been forced to go on this awful journey want to hear that. We live in a "quick fix," "drive thru" society. But there is no pill to cure grief. You have to endure it. Through that endurance you will suffer, but you will build great strength, character, and eventually an entirely new and transformed self will emerge. Give yourself all the time needed to grieve while concurrently taking one little step forward each day if you can.

All the best and hope you come to this site for help. Hugs, Tami

my husband passed away 3 weeks ago, pancreatic cancer. not sure I can do this but have no choice. He lived 15 months which i understand is a long time to have pancreatic cancer, no symtoms except mild digestion problems. hope we can all help each other get through this pain. I started remoldeling my house that is just a distraction, but it has helped me. I go to bed exhausted only way I can sleep. so sorry so many have to go through this.

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my hubby to cancer in December. I felt like I was in a fog and my thought process was gone. I would walk into a room and forget what I was doing in there. It takes time. Be kind to yourself. The first things I did was get out of the house and go for a drive. Sometimes just doing something different helps. I also had a lot of paperwork to fill out, and whenever it got ot be too overwhelming, I would take a break and go back to it when I was thinking more clearly. Support of family and friends is wonderful, but it is tough, because not many have gone through it. This is a fantastic site and a lot of the people on it are very supportive. writing things down in a journal helps too. You can make the entries private or you can share them. I also listened to comedy and rented comedies from the vidoe store. Laughter may seem like the furthest thing on your mind, but being able to laugh helps tremendously. I hope this helps. Sending you hugs :) Take care, Renee'

So sorry for your loss. I am almost at 11 months. You need to try to look after yourself. if people want to help, let them. My neighbours knew if my blinds were open they could call or visit, if they were closed, they knew to leave me alone. Don't make any big decisions. Don't worry about your beloveds clothing, I still have most of my Daring Pat's things here, what's the rush? Hugs, Wendy

Thank you All for your advice and general sharing and support.
I am so glad I found you!!Love Missingt

I'm SO sorry for the pain & anguish you're going through now. I lost my husband suddenly the night before Thanksgiving, and I WISH I could have held him as he died.... so cherish those last moments together.
I think all that others have mentioned are good - make yourself notes so you don't forget who to send thank-yous to & what business items you need to take care of, the journaling, the Scripture reading.... all those were helpful.. I want to add one that may sound strange - but exercise also has helped me. I made myself walk 2 miles every day to burn off the stress so it didn't build up so badly.

I am so sorry for your loss. Everyone has given you such great advice. Yes, suround yourself with people who will be there when you need them and don't be afraid to ask for help. Set aside a big box where you will put mail and other paperwork that needs to be done so that you can find it when you need it. I learned that lesson the hard way. There may be some days when you don't feel like do anything and that's okay. There are days when you might want to do just one thing and that's okay too.

Be kind to yourself and do something for YOU. Perhaps that might be going for a long walk or going out for a cup of tea. Whatever you are needing at that moment, do it! Come here often as the people on this site are amazing. They have been where you are now or are at the same point where you are so don't feel like you are alone. If you have questions and are not sure where to turn, ask them in a post and perhaps someone has already dealt with that issue. If you have things around the house that you're not sure how to do going to You Tube and typing in what you want to find out helps. I learned how to get my clogged sink to work by using vinegar, baking soda and boiling water which I had no idea before that.

Remember, it's okay to cry. Talk about your husband because that is how you will carry him with you.

Hugs, Carla

I am so sorry for your loss. I found DS 3 weeks after Brian passed away. It has been 14 months now, and I don't know how I would have made it without the support I have found here. You are right, only someone who has been through this kind of loss can really understand. I had so much support when I lost Brian, and it really helped. If someone offers to help you, please let them. Don't feel like you have to be strong or force yourself to do anything that you are not up to. Your loss is still so new, the hurt so raw. Your emotions will be all over the place, and that is ok. Just allow yourself time to grieve. Take care of yourself and remember that you have a whole community of friends who understand and are here for you.
God Bless,
Susan

I'm a man, but cry too, its been a month for me.
I guess we will miss them together but hope some how they are with us still. waiting on us now. I don't know the answers yet but being here.
They say time heals....shruggs guess we have each other to get through this with, I hope.

I am so sorry to hear about your husband's passing. 11 days, I am so happy you found this site. My Rob was 46 when he passed of brain cancer after 16 months of fighting. A good part of the beginning of the loss journey is allowing yourself time to recover from the caregiving and the grief you felt knowing what was coming and now here it is. You may be exhausted, as I know I was. Try not to push yourself or think it's abnormal. Whatever your feelings, they are valid and no one else can understand, allow yourself that. I found journaling helpful, writing to Rob still helps after 12 months. I also continue therapy which I began in the 4th. month. Of course I was on this site day and night to start, receiving comfort, support and information. It was very hard and still is at times hard to concentrate. but I would read through grief books, still do, several at a time and whatever relates to what I am feeling at the time. I like Grieving Mindfully, by Sameet M. Kumar. You can browse through them on Amazon. You may find that all the company in the world doesn't help but it is good to have people around and try to accept help when offered. My heart goes out to you, and it is true that you have to take one moment at a time in the beginning of this journey. Breathe, eat and sleep as best as you can. Sometimes that's all you can ask of yourself. I had to take zanax to sleep in the beginning. It's just all so much and can't be rushed. Hug and some peace. Donna

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my wife a month ago, and believe me when I tell you, you are not alone in what you are feeling. Your post could easily have been mine. I was with my wife since I was 21, and now 20 years later I'm just lost. I don't really know adult life without her. My career requires a lot of focus, so getting back to work 3 weeks after helped. The weekends can be lonely but I have a lot of family and friends to look to for support. Also, it's the small things I find that are helpful, like your usual daily tasks, chores, etc. Other things though I have not been able to do. I lost my appetite for about 3 weeks, lost 10 pounds, but that has come back. I enjoy music but it's as if I lost my "appetite" for it as well. I keep talk radio on just for noise when I'm driving. Well meaning people want me to go this this or that event with them, to "have some fun", and they just don't get it. I'm not happy now and fun is the last thing I want, frankly. I know that's not much but I hope this helps a little. I do feel better, much better comparatively, than I did 2 weeks ago, which is where you are at about now. I also have been talking to a grief counselor and as helpful as my family has been, talking to a stranger, and a professional, has really helped me put things in a little perspective. Through the same organization I will be attending a young widow/widowers support group soon as well. Things like that, and just the few minutes I've spent on this site for the first time today have helped. I guess venting and writing your emotions has a bit of a calming affect.