Oh Wendi, I can so relate. My trip to Estes Park with my best girlfriend was very nice. But not the same without my husband. It's just so unfair. My heart aches for you. Try to do something special for you. You deserve it. Hugs, Michele

When you say do something "special" for yourself......it just doesn't feel the same. Will it ever feel right again? Will we ever know that kind of happiness without our loves again?

Wendi, I still can't go to certain places that we called "ours", not yet and it's been 27 months for me. When do we start to feel "normal" again!

I guess we have to develop a new "normal" for ourselves!

Roz

Oh Wendi,
I know it's so hard. I find myself, pushing myself to face these things,
I don't care if it triggers an emotional wave...I helps me in the end.
You and your son, will be ok...you may find going to that special place,
will have a calming effect on you.
Whatever your decision....I am with you!
Hugs Sandra

Thinking of you Wendi..what ever you choose may today bring you some peace and comfort ..for every tear that falls in the sorrow of love lost may 2 follow in joy for a love that was lived ..felt and shared. Sending a big gentle hug

Hi Wendi!! Art was born and raised in Vancouver. My home province is Ontario. I moved to B.C. in 1978 and I met Art in 1982 in the West End of Vancouver. He was visiting my friend in the Apt. building I was living in. I am currently back in Ontario visiting family and friends. When Art and I retired and bought the 5th wheel, we spent the summers here. I fly back to B.C. on August 14th and will be there until the end of October before I fly down to Arizona for the winter. My oldest step daughter lives in Burnaby. It would be nice if we could get together. Yes, a day a Second Beach sounds like a good idea. He will be there with you!!! Hugs. Sue

Wendi
I hear you and feel your thoughts running deep in all of us. I too have many many triggers and I have so many memories that both hurt and make me sad. Its even harder seeing our kids going through this. I question lots of things. What will I do at my youngest sons graduation, at our sons weddings, when we have grandkids, As the days go by I am reminded of how much I have lost along with the love of my life. Its not right to experience things without him. When I find myself in a situation like what you have discribed I carry something with me of Mike's. Its my way of taking him with me in a more physical sense. "grief is the last act of love we have to give those we loved, Where there is deep grief there was great love"
(((HUGS)))

Lisa

Wendi, I know you position very well. I am determined to "Slay the dragons" and re-visit those places which Barbara, (my wife of 55 years) and I enjoyed visiting. It's got to be done, even though it is a very very "bitter-sweet" practice. I have already undertaken some of those journeys here in the UK and often they brought on the tears when I got there. But I realise that Barbara would not want me to avoid them, rather to re-visit and remember the good times we had there. I am sure I can still feel her presence with me on those occasions. Your son will be your support, as you tell him how much his dad liked the place.

I am heading to Michigan to visit our daughter and grandkids next week. My first visit without Cathy. 7 hour drive, and too much time to think. I'm feeling guilty to even go without her. But yes, it has to be done!

It is a sad and difficult thing to visit the places we used to visit with our spouses as well as the places we wanted to visit someday. Knowing that we now have to do it without them. It seems like every little thing triggers a bittersweet memory. I purchased a couple of trinkets from the local gift shop with my husband's name on them. I attached them to my purse so I could feel like he was always with me. Even though it is hard, I think taking these "trips" is one of the best ways we can honor the memory of our loved ones. I think today might be a good day for a trip.

Grief has to be worked through. Sometimes we need time before facing the past and then the time comes when going there puts the fear to sleep. You will know when you need to face those special places in your life and when that happens you will conquer the emotions. I'm sorry for your loss a. Sharon

You can't hide from grieve , it will find you and hit you harder in the long run if you try to avoid it...I think you should go to the beach despite the fear of the trigger . Often the anticipation is worst than the reality and even a painful reality can be therapeutic. Hugs

It is hard. There is no way around it really. I did it in chunks. Then finally, in May, I went back to California where it all began 38 years ago. Showed my kids all the places we lived, where they were born, and told them lots of stories. Difficult and somehow reassuring at the same time - like it was confirmation that our life together was NOT all a dream! I still get upset with Cliff for not being here. My boys get mad about it, too. Just last night my younger son made a comment about him. Made me feel a little bit better that I'm not the only who gets aggravated about it.

Do what you feel you can do. Give yourself 'wiggle room' - if you can't stay for more than a few minutes, that's fine. Bit by bit, you will get there. Don't give up.

Love and Big Hugs,
Martha

Thank you all for your encouragement...we didn't make it yesterday, but it is a long weekend in BC, so we may make it on Monday...or Sunday...since it was on a weekend that we met (technically the 1st, but it fell on a different day)...I guess going will have the same meaning even if it's not on the exact date...
One of my biggest concerns is that my son, who is autistic, is prone to violent meltdowns, in which he hits himself...I am afraid of him being 'spooked' and freaking out, and the cops down there might not be so understanding...the VPD are a little too quick with the tazer, and I don't want to be dealing with another bad situation.